Speech by Richard Cowan

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Richard Cowan
Speech Date: oct2002
Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, I'd like to welcome you all to [Bride & Groom] reception. First of all I'd like to say a big thank you on behalf of [Bride & Groom] to all of you who have made it here today. I know they really appreciate you being here, especially those of you who have had to travel long distances to be here. Well soon you'll be fed and watered, and since I am very hungry I promise I'll keep the speeches short. So get comfortable, enjoy the speeches and later i'll be doing some juggling and a magic trick for your entertainment. So enough of this chat, ‘cos frankly you'll have enough of me later, I'd like to call on the father of the bride, Mr Trevor Long:
Thank you for that [Father of the Bride], and I can assure you all that he also gets that emotional (each time Saintfield cricket team win) . So I guess you could say he was long overdue some sentiment…..…
Well it is a lot of work to put a wedding together and there are quite a few other people that I would like to thank on [Bride & Groom] behalf. First of all the bridesmaids, who have looked quite sensational today, to both sets of parents who have been superb in organizing behind the scenes and to the ushers Mark and James who did a great job, as the church certainly looked packed (apologies to those people that were unsuspectingly ushered of the street at least they got to see a beautiful bride. You will see on your table a selection of Camera's and a card with a few pictures of some people you might recognise. Please feel free to take as many photos as you can and use the cards to write your own special message to the Bride and Groom. Its now time for the groom to say a few words, Mr [Groom].

Thank you [Groom], for the lovely toast to the bridesmaids, but more importantly, for throwing yourself onto the sword before me.
On behalf of the bridesmaids I would like to thank [Groom] for his kind words, and may I also add that the bridesmaids did a fantastic job today; I'd also like to say that Valerie looks stunning today as I'm sure you will agree. While I'm complimenting so many of the wedding party – can I also break the rule here and say how handsome the one person most people forget to compliment at a wedding looks today – ladies and gentleman – the best man!!! Oh, and the groom scrubs up quite well himself!!
For those of you who don't know me, I am Richard or Redgie or a few other things I am sure, but today I get to be [Groom] best man. This speech I hope will serve as an introduction to some special moments in [Groom] life which made him the man he is today. As I am sure you will appreciate, certain elements of his past have had to be edited from this speech to ensure that it is appropriate for the day and so not to cause distress. Well, that's what I told [Groom] !!
In all the time I've known [Groom] though he never been big on surprises but when he asked me to be his bestman I have to say it was it was a bit of a shock more than a surprise and I admit that I panicked a bit – as soon as he asked, a thousand ways to say No politely started to rush around in my head and in my haste to pick out the best one I just blurted out "Of course I'll do it mate – it'll be a pleasure"

Now I have taken the job of being best man seriously and a few of my jobs were..… to make sure [Groom] got to church on time, which he was, that he was well dressed and looking smart which I'm sure you will agree he is, and he got a good nights sleep last night, and I'm pleased to report he slept like a baby….he woke up every half hour crying for his mum.

Our groom has been working hard these past few years in a number of jobs so I felt I should go and talk to a couple of his former work colleagues and they told me that, "Working with [Groom] was like working with a God..…
NO ONE EVER SEES HIM
HE MAKES HIS OWN RULES
ANY WORK HE DOES IS A MIRACLE.
Unfortunately [Groom] has also been described as being lazy, insensitive and a waste of space and lets face it, if anyone knows him, it's his mum.
What we all are asking ourselves is what does a beautiful lady like [Bride] see in our groom today.
Could it be his cooking? Well I can safely say that Jamie Oliver shouldn't panic just yet. Last time [Groom] attempted to cook his friends lunch he asked what we'd like naturally the response was a cheese burger with just a touch of mayo in a sesame seed bun. [Groom] said “How about chicken soup and some white bread”. Now this is not a hard dish to make – especially from the tin – and its quick, but after 7/8 mins I could definitely smell a burning smell followed by a shout from the kitchen of “how do you get the lumps out of this”. Thank goodness for Burger King.
So its not his cooking.
Maybe it is his driving skills that has won the day. It was only a few months ago when we managed to get karting organized and find out who the real aggressive drivers were. It may come as some surprise but the [Bride & sister] certainly showed no mercy on the track. As for [Groom] well for a man who claims not to have driven a kart before he showed some real promise by getting into the final, but further investigation has found that [Groom] has had some prior experience….(Show T-shirt from Stag Weekend)
If it is not his driving then it must be his golfing attributes – I mean [Groom] and Tiger are born on the same year and Tiger has been great at smashing all clubhouse records whereas [Groom] has always been great at attempting to smash all clubhouse windows .
So if its not any of these then it must just be true love. They tell me love is blind and quite frankly [Groom] has been betting on that statement being true all his life.
I asked [Groom] a while ago why we weren't wearing Kilts today and he told me that he was keen to wear a suit because tomorrow [Bride] will be wearing the trousers!!!!
One thing is certain though..… [Bride] will never leave [Groom]..… Well she has spent the last 8 years training him, so why waste it
Now I have a few telegrams and cards to read out :
[Bride]
How could you do it we would have been great together Jennifer meant nothing to me.
Brad (Pitt)
[Groom]
I'll love you always. Big Archie from Amsterdam
So that's where you went?
Actual Cards
Before we move to the toasts, its customary for the best man to give a few words of wisdom. Not being married myself, I tried to speak to a few happily married couples for some advice, but such things proved very hard to find! So a few people offered advice……
Marriage in this day and age is far from easy. With all the external pressures of day to day living you will need to grow together in mutual trust and understanding whilst not forgetting what first brought you together. In other words, may your love be modern enough to survive the times; yet old-fashioned enough to last forever.
[Groom]; today you're the groom getting married to a wonderful bride and I have been bestowed with the honor of being a best man. But today you truly are the best man.
Ladies and Gentlemen: It gives me great pleasure not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to [Groom] and [Bride].
“Let us drink to love, which is nothing – unless it is shared by two”
The Bride and Groom.