Speech by Richard Hollins

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Richard Hollins
Speech Date: Oct2006
Good evening ladies and gentlemen,

For an occasion such as this, I would like to thank you all for coming to celebrate the marriage of James and Charlotte here today. A wise man once told me that the best mans speech should last no longer then the groom can make love.…

Thank you ladies and gentleman and have a good evening!!

You will have to excuse me if I look nervous, its because I am. Unfortunately public speaking has never been one of my strong points, so please bear with me.

I would like to thank you James, for asking me to be your best man today, it really is an honour to be asked and a pleasure to fulfil the role, and for you to finally admit after all these years that I am indeed the best man.

Anyway, I would like to start traditionally and thank James on behalf of the bridesmaids, Helena and Lisa for his kind words. Can I also say what a great job they have both done today and how wonderful they look. Hopefully this will be one wedding where the best man will pull a bridesmaid, don't worry Helena, its not you!

I would also like to congratulate the happy couple and say that, Charlotte you're looking absolutely stunning, and James you're not too bad yourself.

As I mentioned, it is a great honour to be best man. But with the role comes the job of writing the speech. So I spent hours reading through useless books and surfing the Internet. I did actually find loads of ready–prepared speeches, but sadly none of them were about a couple called James and Charlotte who live Bingham.

As part of my research, I discovered that according to tradition I am supposed to sing the grooms praises and tell you all about his many good points. Well I'm very sorry but I can't sing and I won't lie.

I also found that marriage consists of five rings:

The engagement ring

The wedding ring

The suffering

The torturing

And the enduring

James was born on the 18th July 1980, so I tried to link this to a major world event. But it seems that nothing else happened that day… Although the hospital staff still refer to that day as Chinney Friday.

As you may or may not know, James considers himself a bit of a drinker. I however have spent the last ten years drinking with him, and I beg to differ. After about three pints he's more than likely to fall asleep. As he did recently at a comedy club, which as I'm sure you'll all agree is a risky business. There are also times when he will drink beyond the sleeping stage. This often results in sickness. Apparently he once mistook his mum and dads walk in wardrobe for the en suite bathroom and promptly regurgitated his four pints, only to be woken up by Helena. Imagine the horror when he realised he was naked. On another occasion he was found by his mum and dad sleeping on the kitchen floor, having been sick in the sink. I'm sure you can all guess what happened on the Stag do. I found him at 6 o clock in the morning, passed out on the bathroom floor with yet more sick. Luckily for me he was fully clothed!! That's probably all you need to know about the stag do.…

So when you see James at the bar later, please don't buy him a drink.

Here's my advice for the groom. Whenever times are hard and you think you cant go on, remember how lucky you are to be married to Charlotte and keep you chin up!

Speaking of Charlotte, and now your new family. Remember it is very important to get on with your mother in law. A colleague of mine didn't talk to his mother in law for two years. It wasn't because he didn't like her, he just thought it was rude to interrupt.

Before I ask you all to join me in a toast to the happy couple, I would like to take this opportunity to read out some cards from friends and family who couldn't make it today:

Dear James,

We're sorry we couldn't make your special day, but we felt it too emotional losing a special person such as yourself.

Hope to see you soon.

Lots of love and best wishes from all the girls at Moulin Rouge – Amsterdam

In all seriousness though James, you've been a great friend to me, and many others in this room over the years. I think Charlotte deserves a good husband, and believe she has found one. It has been an honour to be your best man today and I wish you and Charlotte a long and happy marriage.

Now it gives me great pleasure and relief to ask you all to be upstanding and raise your glasses.

Ladies and Gentleman

The bride and groom.