Speech by Richard Moore

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Richard Moore
Speech Date: aug 2002
[Intro]
Ladies and Gentlemen,
For those of you who don't know me, I'm Richard, the best man.
First of all, I'm sure you will all agree that Tracy looks absolutely
stunning today and that Frazer is a very lucky chap indeed. And on behalf of
the bridesmaids, I'd like to thank Frazer for his kind words – they too look
wonderful and they've done a great job getting Tracey to the church on time.

Well, the proceedings so far have been very emotional – – even the cake is
in tiers!

[Frazer, the early years]
Well, what can I say about Frazer? I first came to know him in 1995 after he
had left University – perhaps unsurprisingly – in and around the various
drinking establishments of Nottingham; this was of course the longhaired,
uncouth Frazer of yesteryear – unlike the sober, respectable character that
he is today.

Just going back to his student years for a moment, I feel compelled to
recount a story provided by an anonymous source.

In his first year Frazer was playing in a hockey tournament, he'd turned up
characteristically late and in a rather dishevelled state. To the hilarity
of some of the other players Frazer appeared with baked bean sauce from his
breakfast still around his mouth and on his chin. When hearing Frazer had
eaten no breakfast it soon became apparent that the offending sauce had in
fact come from the Spaghetti bolognaise he'd eaten the previous night,
BEFORE he went out on the town.
(Thus he'd clearly not once looked in a mirror whilst getting ready to go
out or indeed throughout the entire night or the morning).

For a number of years after university the student lifestyle, with its
emphasis on drinking and debauchery, changed little and after a short while
Frazer had moved in to the shared house in which I was living. This provided
an unlimited source of amusement. Which of us who saw it could possibly
forget his old Ford Cortina, which, to the horror of our neighbours was
effectively left to rot in the shared driveway.

And how can I forget his distinctive cuisine with its reliance on the three
day corned beef hash, which was both cooked and eaten from the saucepan over
a period of three days.

Then, one evening in one of Nottingham's less salubrious nightclubs, Frazer
met Tracey, and the rest is history. Tracey soon came to realise that the
most important ingredient in any relationship is understanding – and anyone
who can understand Frazer after ten pints will tell you what an achievement
this is!

Well, perhaps the evidence is here today that Tracey has finally whipped him
into some sort of shape.

[Frazer's varied employment]
Frazer has recently found himself a new occupation as a kitchen salesman and
he seems to be doing very well for himself.

During the time I've known Frazer, his employment prospects haven't been
always been as bright but they have certainly been . interesting.

Perhaps the most notable episode in Frazer's working life would have to be
his time spent trying to establish a chewing gum removal business. Much in
the style of Del Boy Trotter, we were dazzled by his enthusiastic forecasts
of profitability and growth over the coming years – "this time next year I’
ll be a millionaire!" Alas, that chapter of his working life is over now and
the chewing gum millions were never made.

Well, I'm sure you'll all agree that the happy couple are now well and truly
*stuck* together!

[Stag weekend]
When Frazer suggested Liverpool as the location for his stag weekend I was
delighted – after all Liverpool is well known for being a city of culture
and sophistication.

For those of us who had the pleasure of staying in the Jamaica House Hotel,
I'm sure you'll agree the outstanding décor and accompanying views over
Toxteth will be etched into your memories forever.

And for those who decided to stay for the second night in the Jamaica House,
well, you are braver men than I am.

The weekend went very well and much ale was drunk – unfortunately Frazer
disgraced himself in one particular bar and was rather sick. I can only put
this down to the consumption of his favourite tipple, Navy Rum – He was like
a man possessed, we couldn't keep him away from the stuff all night.

Well at least now you know what his favourite drink is, so you can all buy
him one later!

[Final Advice]
Marriage is a great university. It teaches you patience, consideration and
understanding… and all the sorts of things you wouldn't need if you just
stayed single.
.
So, seeing as though Frazer has made this immense commitment, I would just
like to finish off by offering a few short words of wisdom to the happy
couple.

– Firstly, remember that marriage is not just one word . it is a
sentence…you even get less for murder!
– And finally – It's true that all men are born free and equal – but then
some of them get married!

[The toast]
You'll be pleased to hear that I'm going to stop talking now, so if you
would like to charge your glasses I hope you will join me in a toast to the
happy couple!