Speech by Richard Selby

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Richard Selby
Speech Date: 14/08/2012 00:20:35

Thank you ladies and gentleman and good afternoon, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Rich and I am delighted to be standing here as Wayne's best man.

Firstly I would like to thank Wayne for his speech. I would also like to thank Wayne and Sarah on behalf of today's bridesmaid Claire, who has done a great job for Sarah and looks wonderful. Sarah, you look absolutely beautiful, Wayne – well done on being fully dressed, [turn to guests]..almost no supervision – two events in a row! I would also like to give a special mention to Harry, who did a great job looking after the rings in Italy.

The wedding in Italy was a wonderful occasion; beautiful scenery, gorgeous weather – there was only a couple of Ways I could see you tricking Sarah marrying you and luckily it worked! I am sure I speak for everyone who was able to attend in thanking Wayne and Sarah for allowing us to be a part of that special day.

Before I get properly started, Wayne will probably be pleased to know my speech has been vetted a little this morning. I've been instructed not to include stories on any previous girlfriends (throw 1 card away), no stories on his drunken depravity (throw 2 cards), nothing on Wayne's expensive hobbies currently in the on hold status (throw 3 cards), and nothing too close to the truth (throw 4 cards). [Act as though I am struggling to find anything to talk about].

Wayne and I met at University ten years ago. Being the cool kids that we were, we were forced to sit together in our first tutorial – I'm pretty sure Wayne still plans to ‘thank’ that lecturer at some point! Our last year of University was actually spent living together, and I will always look back fondly on all the culture and once in a lifetime learning opportunities we embraced at the time. Of course this took a back seat to a few other things; our constant monitoring of what was happening in the car park opposite us, our regular middle of the night runs to Tesco for alcoholic [stare closely at card] *isotonic study aids, and of course our brief but very exciting indoor paintball championships. In fairness we did work hard once, so hard that we were up all night and the effect the pro plus had on Wayne was quite something. Arriving at university triumphantly with our greatest work was quite a feeling, not that Wayne knew where we were or who he was – our tutor was impressed. 

Something I noticed very early on when getting to know Wayne was how passionate he can be, I think that's the term for it – one birthday night out sticks in my mind particularly, when after what seemed like a normal quiet night out, Wayne took a dislike to the table in the club we were in and proceeded to dismantle it….with his fists. It remained in a broken state for a few years after that, presumably as a warning to anyone brave enough for another night out with Wayne.. Imagine my fear a few days later when I backed into Wayne's car with him sat beside me, quite a tense silence in the 2 minutes that followed!

Another thing I quickly discovered was the non discrete nature of Wayne's driving, myself and my wife took a trip with Wayne for a night out in Barton, driving through the picturesque countryside, at least I assume that's what the green blur was as we hung on, Steph screaming at the top of her lungs and me suddenly finding Jesus and crossing myself a few dozen times.. On a trip on the Norfolk broads I thought we might be safe what with the 6 mph speed limit of our boat, luckily there were some large wooden posts in the water for Wayne to bounce us off, which woke everyone up and had one guy diving for cover from the side of the boat!

Now Wayne and I currently work together, and I am pleased to say Wayne is a well liked and respected person at the company we work for, and has gained many new technical qualifications over the past few years. Most importantly the £500 I received for recommending him came through – I did only need you to hang around for 6 months or so Wayne, 4 years is enough now, there's no more money coming..

As nervous as doing something like this speech can make you – that is all taken away when I realise what a privilege it is to be stood here for Wayne today. Wayne is all you could ask for in a friend; loyal, dependable; someone who always looks out for you & someone who genuinely cares for all his friends and family. It is fair to say I would not have gotten through university without him. I also have Wayne to thank for introducing me to my wonderful wife Steph; [look to Steph] Yes I think Steph thanks you too if I know that look! I could not be happier for him that he has found someone as wonderful as Sarah, and I am sure she already knows, but Sarah can be sure she has someone to protect and treasure her for the rest of her life.

So, if everyone could stand for one more toast, please raise your glasses to the new Mr and Mrs Smith!