Speech by richard Wakefield

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: richard Wakefield
Speech Date: Aug2006
hello,

i found your site of great help as i was especially nervous about having to do 2 best man speeches in 6 weeks, please find them both below to add to the ones on your site. they both went down really well with everyone.

thanks again
regards
richard Wakefield

SPEECH 1 AUG 06

Hello Ladies and gentleman.
For those of you who don't know me, my name's Richard and I have the privilege of being Dave's Best Man well that's what he tells me anyway!!!
I'd like to start by thanking you all for coming along today. I know some of you have travelled great distances to be here, it's amazing what some people will do for a free meal!! Well, it's been a wonderful occasion so far. The bridesmaids look fantastic, only to be outshone by Becky, who, as I am sure you will all agree, looks amazing. As for Dave, what can I say?? We did our best, but there wasn't a great deal to work with really!!

When Dave first asked me to be his best man I was really worried. But then I sat down and had a long think about it and it slowly began to dawn on me that I had been given a once in a lifetime opportunity to embarrass Dave in front of loads of people. Thanks Dave!! I was also unsure about the length of the speech, so I asked around and the general consensus seemed to be that it should last no longer than it takes the groom to perform his marital duties in the bedroom… Oops, looks like I've over-run already! Thanks very much.…

only joking! No, it's been a really great day so far. No real problems to report. Luckily though, I managed to convince Dave that the church had a strict no trainers and jeans policy. Unfortunately he then decided to copy my outfit. Personally I think it looks much better on me!!!!

I first met Dave around 14 years ago at college. We soon became great friends due to our love of football. People often commented that Dave reminded them of Alan Shearer! This certainly can't have anything to do with his playing ability! So I can only guess that it must be due to the fact that they have both retired from the game, and are rapidly losing their hair!! Personally I always thought of Dave as more of a Donkey: Strong, Slow, and carries a heavy load! Oh, and of course, the one other thing they both have in common, which he's well renowned for – but I have been instructed by Becky that I'm not allowed to talk about that!!

One of the other interests we both share is our love of music, and going to gigs together. Although sometimes I do have to worry about his taste in music I certainly didn't go with him when he went to see Chaz and Dave!! In fact sometimes I wonder why I go with him at all. On one occasion he passed out in a drunken stupor from the 15 pints he'd consumed earlier on that day. Another time he disappeared and left us frantically searching the streets of Brighton. Unfortunately for us we missed the last train home because of him, and had to spend 8 hours on a freezing cold platform!
Luckily for Dave, he was on a nice warm train on his way home, proudly clutching the tiger thong he had lovingly bought for Becky earlier on in the day. I think Becky was about as impressed with the gift as the group of American tourists were with Dave's drunken behaviour on the train!!

Ok I'd like to call upon my beautiful assistant Steve to help with this part of the speech Steve gave out a few props

Dave is the elder statesman of our group, or as some of the lads call him – ‘The Grandad’. I'll always remember watching Dave carefully unpacking his suitcase on a lads holiday to Ibiza, and taking out his slippers, dressing gown, along with some quality late night reading – George Graham: The Glory years! You were only missing one thing mate, and here it is Steve gives Dave an old mans pipe you can enjoy this in your old age! On the same holiday Dave slipped into a life of crime when he stole the clothes off a pair of skinny dippers. He then showed a remarkable turn of pace as the naked duo pursued him up the beach. Unfortunately for Dave the pink boob tube and mini skirt didn't really suit him! However I have also been reliably informed that Dave still wears the knickers from that very crime to this day!!! I found both of these lovely pairs in his drawer Steve holds up a pair of giant pants and a tiny thong I wasn't sure which ones were the offending article though!!

DAVE

Dave originally proposed to Becky around 10 or so years ago. So it's about time they finally got married. I have to worry about those last 10 years though.… Becky, what have you done to him??? What's happened to all those lovely golden curly locks! Let's hope the next 10 years treat him a bit better! Anyway, I've got something here that will help with that particular problem. Steve puts a massive blonde wig on Daves head. What do you think everyone? Well, today they finally got married, for better or for worse which is appropriate really as Dave couldn't have done any better, and Becky, well, could she have done worse??!!

No seriously Becky is a lucky girl. I know Dave will be a great husband, if he is half as good a husband as he has been a friend to me then Becky will be doing very well. Dave's always been there for me, and I consider myself lucky to have such a good mate, so thanks Dave!! Actually I don't think Dave's so much as said a cross word to me, well apart from the time I had to relieve myself outside his beloved Highbury!!

As for Becky, I have been told that I'm not allowed to tell any incriminating stories about her, only about Dave! This is a real shame as there are a few crackers. Still it would probably shock you all too much and I don't want anyone to choke on their wedding cake! So, what more can I say about Becky: I know she will make Dave a very happy man, especially as I can confirm that she makes a great lasagne!! But the reason I am most happy that she is marrying Dave is because I can't wait to meet Richard and Judy later!!

I just really want to finish up by saying that you guys are perfectly matched. You make a fantastic couple and I know that you will have many happy years of married life together. So from the best man I wish you the best of luck… Although I know you wont need it!

Anyway, that's enough rambling from me I need to get a drink!! So, it's time to wrap this up with a traditional toast. For the people we have all taken into out hearts, who mean so much to us, and who without this day could not have possibly been the success that it has been. Ladies and Gentlemen please raise your glasses and join me in a toast for.… the bar staff!!

Only joking Ladies and Gentlemen. May they have many happy years of marriage together, Please raise your glasses for the Bride and Groom, Becky and Dave!