Speech by Rob Jones

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Rob Jones
Speech Date: 09/06/2012 00:31:03

Well, what can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings, a man who is now quickly rising to the very top of his game based on intelligence, grit and the willpower to push on where others have fallen. A man who is beginning to distinguish himself at the very highest level amongst his peers, and where none can say a bad word against him? But enough about me, what I`m really here for this afternoon is to talk about is my brother, Martyn.

But before I undertake the customary duty of giving Martyn an uncomfortable few minutes it is part of my official duty to thank the bridesmaids, Demi, Heather and Kathy.

I have to say you look wonderful and you have done a fantastic job not least of which was getting Victoria to the church today – not surprisingly I hear she put up quite a struggle!

Our bridesmaids today are eclipsed only by Victoria herself, who, I'm sure you'll all agree looks absolutely stunning.  Victoria's parents must be thinking how quickly time has passed since she was a baby and that its funny how life repeats itself, almost 40 years ago, Terry and Laura were sending her off to bed with a dummy…..and here we are again!

I'd also like to thank our usher Chris for doing a great job; I know Martyn was finding it difficult to pick from someone he knew, capable of carrying out this difficult task of…pointing at seats!

Thanks Chris…

Victoria, could you please place your left/right hand on the table in front of you, and Martyn, could you please place your hand on top of Victoria's hand.  Please keep them there until I say.

My main responsibility for today was to ensure that Martyn arrived on time, relaxed, and in particular, looking clean and smart and that was no easy task because after all, I'm not a magician!

I do have to say how lucky you are Martyn. You will leave here today having gained a wife that is warm, loving and caring. A wife who is funny and intelligent, who radiates beauty where ever she goes. And Victoria, how lucky you are as well, you leave here today with a nice dress and some flowers.

I was a bit worried about knowing what to say today so I had to get some tips, of course I went on the internet. It's great! I found some amazing sites, but after many, many hours surfing.…  I remembered I was supposed to be looking at best man speeches.

Martyn has asked me to not reveal certain skeletons in his closet, which surprises me, as I thought he'd be more concerned about me mentioning some of the monsters he's had in his bed!

Like most brothers we've had our fair share of sibling rivalry, we always tried to win at whatever we were doing, or we'd get each other into trouble, we've certainly had our fair share of ups and downs. Martyn would throw my toys down the stairs or out the window and I'd retaliate in kind and then there was shouting and screaming, then it spiralled out of control and we both ended up running to Mummy in floods of tears. But sure enough the next day at work I'd get an e-mail from Martyn and we'd be best friends again.

I will always see us as we were, as boys growing up together, playing football in the garden, snooker in the conservatory, Commodore 64 in the front room. Dreaming of living in our own house and racing the same fast cars around together, to then realise those dreams as adults even down to the walkie-talkies we said we'd have!

He first left me when he went to university to meet girls, then he moved in with a girl, then he moved away with a girl, then he moved back because of a girl but now I'm happy he has settled down with a girl, and in my town. There are lots of stories about Martyn; some are even clean enough to tell, holidays together and general larking about throughout the years.

From firing a BB gun into the street and being arrested, fortunately the policeman was his best friend's dad and in the wild belief that in some way he was born to race, most of Martyn's friends and I have at some point experienced an uncomfortable moment on four wheels, or maybe even two, with Martyn behind the wheel, driving several of our friends into the barrier at the Nurburgring for starters!

We know Martyn is intelligent, he's articulate, he's funny and a genuine nice guy and it is of no surprise that he is successful at everything he puts his mind to.  Martyn you've been a great brother to me and we've had some excellent times together and I'm sure we'll have more in the future, and it's an honour to be your best man today.

I have been asked to thank you all for coming and for the gifts that you have so generously given. I must say I struggled with knowing what to get, I wanted to get Martyn something he really needed…I just couldn't figure out how to wrap a bath!

Read cards from those not attending –

To Martyn and Victoria, I hope you have a wonderful day and we're sorry we couldn't be there with you, Fred & June Firkin and about 10 other kids and pets etc, it looks like the whole Firkin’ family signed that one!

I would like to wish Martyn and Victoria a lovely time in Wales?… remember? You told me the other night after a few beers that on your honeymoon you're going to Bangor?

Now let me explain why I asked you to place your hands on the table, Martyn, for the last 10 minutes you've had the upper hand on Victoria, remember it fondly because it's not going to happen again.

A very special thanks to the bride and groom's parents, Terry & Laura and David & Jenny, without whom none of this could have happened.  On behalf of the entire wedding party I would like to thank you all for coming to share in this wonderful occasion.

So it now gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast

‘to love, to laughter and to happy ever after’

To Martyn and Victoria, the new Mr & Mrs Jones – Wishing you a very long and very happy marriage.