Speech by Rob risker

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Rob risker
Speech Date: 28/10/2013 15:23:12

Ladies, gentlemen, boys, girls and proprietors of the fruit and vegetable trade welcome I'm not really a fan of public speaking, but I'm told it's like going to a nudist beach. It's only hard for the first couple of minutes. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Rob and for those of you that do … well I apologise. Now while we are at a rather formal occasion I would ask that you please call me by My full name. This is actually ‘Rob would-you-your wife and 4 children like-a-drink’ For those of you who I meet at the bar later, I'd appreciate it if you could use my full name. [pause]

I did read somewhere that a Best Man's speech should not take any longer than it takes the Groom to make love. (Look at watch) So, on that note ladies and gentlemen, and not wanting to disappoint, can I ask you all to raise your glasses as we toast the new Mr and Mrs Koziol

What can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings, a man who is now quickly rising to the very top of his profession based solely on intelligence, grit and the will power to push on where others have fallen. A man who is beginning to distinguish himself at the very highest level amongst his peers, and where none can say a bad word against him? But enough about me, what I'm really here for this afternoon is to talk about Richard koziol.

I have known Richard for about 10 years we met at somerfield where we were both store managers. I followed rich into 2 stores both of which have now closed and over the years we have become best friends. As the years have passed our family's have been on numerous holidays. One of the most memorable was to Egypt. It was a fantastic holiday and on 1 day we had decided to go to the beach. The waves were quite strong and one wave took rich off his feet , This wave was of tsunami proportions. He cut his leg on the coral. There was blood everywhere but with sharks around nobody went to his rescue and everybody ran to the safety of the beach watching rich limp out of the water in a David hasselhoff sort of way.

Whilst conducting some research on the groom it appears that he chose a rather unconventional way of proposing to his bride..… He didn't….… it was a joint decision. Now I'm all for changing with the times but I believe it is every brides dream to have there prince charming down on 1 knee professing there eternal love. So ladies and gentlemen can we all encourage Richard to make this truly romantic gesture,,,,,,(clap)

Onto the stag do which was a weekend in Chester and Liverpool. 20 blokes gathered at Knowsley Safari park for what was described as scouse scramble. This was an event which included sumo wrestling, archery and zorbing. Fun was had by all and the event was a good ice breaker. The evening we went to a comedy club in Liverpool and the comedians took great pleasure in ripping Richard for drinking wkd on his stag do. The Saturday we went to the races in Chester this again was a fun day where most people beat the bookies. Regardless of the result all stags drown there sorrows in Chester on the evening.  The hens meanwhile had an equally eventful time at Alton towers the following weekend which included spa treatment, water park and on the rides along with a large quantity of alcohol.

I'd like to thank Chris on behalf of the bridesmaids, Emily, Lucy and Isobel for his kind words. Can I also say what a great job they have done today and how wonderful they look,and are only rightly outshone by the bride, Claire, who looks truly radiant.

Now rich you don't look too bad yourself, although, i think everyone will agree I look far better and I am a little disappointed that you've copied my outfit. Actually, while enjoying the service this afternoon, I couldn't help thinking that it's funny how history repeats itself. I mean 30 years ago Claire's family were sending her to bed with a dummy…..… and here they are again today.

But I have to say how lucky you are Rich because you will leave here today having gained a wife that is attractive, smart, loving and caring. And, Claire how lucky you are, you leave today having gained [PAUSE – look at Rich) a new dress and a bouquet of flowers. We all hope you have a wonderful time on your honeymoon in North Wales, at least that's where I think Rich said they were going, when I asked him he said he was going to Bangor for the week.

I've got some words of advice on marriage for you here Rich

Someone once said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but anyone who believes that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions! To help the course of true love run smoothly never forget those three very important words you must say every day….… “you're right dear.”

Collect a lot of keys from the wedding party/friends WITHOUT the bride and groom's knowledge. Pass them out to as many women as possible (swearing them to secrecy). During your speech, announce the “The bride realises that the groom has had a lot of girlfriends over the years. She would appreciate it if any of them who have keys to his place could please return them.” This is the cue for all the women to bring their keys to the wedding party table. Try to get a couple of pregnant women in the group and maybe somebody's grandma. Well, I won't keep you any longer, I know Richard dying to buy you all a drink at the bar. It just remains for me to say what an Honour it was today to be standing here as Richards best man and actually see Richard and Claire tie the knot.

It now it gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a TOAST to Mr and Mrs Koziol. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long, happy marriage. “Ladies and Gentlemen, to Richard and Claire.