Speech by Robert

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Robert
Speech Date: 13/02/2010 18:19:43

Ladies, gentlemen, Sam.
For those of you who don't know me I'm Robert one of the best men today.
When Sam asked me to be joint best man, I was delighted. Not only because it was such an honour but because I knew I'd get the chance to stand up here and slate him!!!!!!!!!!!

So before I undertake the customary duty of giving Sam the most uncomfortable 10 mins of his life I'd just like to firstly
say how beautiful the bridesmaids look today, rightly outshone only by Claire who I think you'll all agree looks stunning. And Sam who looks more stunned than stunning. I think all the single guys will agree that it's a sad day that another great woman is taken off the market so to speak and I think all the single ladies will agree that this is just another day!!!

But Clarie's a lovely girl that deserves a good husband, so Sam's lucky he got in before she met one. Of course marriage is for better or worse, he couldn't do any better and she couldn't do any worse!!!

I've known Sam for 10-11 years now after meeting at school. I've told this a few times but we sat next to each other in maths one day and I thought he was the funniest guy I'd ever met, after about half an hour I thought he was the strangest guy I'd ever met and by the end of class the most annoying guy I'd ever met! But he's lucky as we obviously ended up being good mates.

But I was thinking while writing my speech, like myself, Claire and Claire's family maybe don't know a lot about Sam growing up, so I thought I'd have a chat with some of his family to get a picture of what he was like and this is what I found out. Apparently he was a very ugly baby, so much so that Jeanette only started getting morning sickness after he was born. While all the other kids his age were getting cardigans and shawls knitted for them, he used to have to get a full face balaclava knitted for him so he didn't scare the other kids at nursery!

When he was growing up he didn't have many friends, his parents used to have to tie a fish round his neck to get the cat to play with him!
During his primary school years no-one ever questioned Sam's intelligence, in fact as long as I've known him no-one's ever mentioned it.

I've got a report card here from his early days at Eastbank:

Biology: While Sam is a very enthusiastic boy, he took it a bit too far by revising for his blood test.
Maths: Has difficulty differentiating between inches and cm, which to be honest is still a problem to this day.
Religious Education: Sam's understanding of Christianity is very limited, so much so he believes the book of genesis was written by Phil Collins!

On Sam's last day at school it was obvious to everyone how different he was from the other 17-18 year olds in his class…he was 24!!

On asking about Sam not all answers were good ones and I thought some were a bit harsh to say about him on his wedding day; stubborn, untidy, annoying, lazy,  but then again if his parents don't know him then who does?

Not all the responses were bad though. One person had this to say: he's intelligent, funny, sexy, caring, likable…I'm sorry mate I cannie read your handwriting.

I also had a word with some of his work colleges who informed me that at work his nickname at work is God, apparently because no-one ever sees him and if he does do any work it's a bloody miracle!!!!

So that's a wee insight in to Sam's life up to now.

I have a few messages that I wanted to read out for Sam: To Sam congratulations on your wedding day and for winning our big spender of the month award. Girls @ Diamond Dolls Glasgow.

Congratulations to Sam from all the guys down at the Private Lines DVD store, just to let you know that your order has arrived, When Harry ate Sally, Starfish Troopers and Schindlers fist are ready to be collected.

Traditionally the best man gives some advice on marriage and even though I've only been married for a few months I've learnt a few things; marriage is all about the 3 rings, engagement ring, wedding ring and of course the suffering, but everything will work out fine as long as you remember these 3 little words, you're right Claire.

I was actually talking to the minister just before everyone arrived this afternoon and he informed me that he had some doubts over how ready Sam was to get married. He told me that he had asked Sam some questions about his bride-to-be and Sam being Sam didn't come up with many answers, except when he was asked what Claire's favourite flower was and with no hesitation replied ‘self raising’!!
 
Joking aside, when Claire was in London, Sam was at our house more or less every night he wasn't working and with every visit you could tell not just how much he missed her but just how much he needed her and it was really getting him down.

I remember leaving work one day Sam phoned to say Claire was moving back up from London and was moving in with him. I've never known him to be so happy. I could tell in his voice just how elated he was, the only other time I've heard him like that was  the morning he phoned me to say that Arran was born. It was probably then that I realised just how much he loved her coz he cleaned the house for her coming home and I thought wait a minute this guy means business. After that getting to know and become friends with Claire and realising how perfect they were for each other.

It just leaves me now to wish them all the best on they're trip north of Wales, well I think that's where they're going when I asked Sam about the honeymoon he said he was going to Bangor for a fortnight.

Its an absolute honour to be your best man and wish you both all the best, if I could ask everyone to sand up and toast Mr and Mrs Wilson.