Speech by Rogier Verbruggen

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Rogier Verbruggen
Speech Date: Aug2004
Ladies &amp Gentlemen, Mesdames &amp Messieurs, Dames en Heren, Dear Wendy, Dear Rob

My name is Roger and I am the best man today. I always knew that I was but it has taken Robert a few years to come to terms with it.

Firstly and on behalf of the bridesmaids Maxime, Kim and Johana,I would like to thank you Robert for your kind words which were very much appreciated. We all agree they look fantastic and have done a great job today.

Now I will ask a few minutes of your patience and understanding, please don't take offence with what I am about to say, it is nor vulgar nor rude, it is just a few words in Dutch. I will get back to English in a few moments.

Robert heeft mij gevraagd om vandaag ook een paar worden in het Nerderlands te zeggen en ik vond het prima. Gezien Robert me dus nu niet begrijpt kan ik mijzelf volledig laten gaan…zoals in het vlaams uitgedrukt…vollen bak der tegen aan. Indien u vanavond zin hebt om eens goed te lachen rad ik u aan om even met Robert Nederlands te spreken, of zoals hij zou zeggen, pintje drinken en wa babbelen….ja ja..da begrijpt t'em… U zal merken dat wat u ook maar aan hem zegt dat hij met een groote glimlach zal knikke….Rogier shows Robert en ik ontmoeten elkaar toen we 4 jaar oud waren. We begonnen aan een Franstalige school en dit terwijl Robert alleen Engels en ik alleen Nederlands konden spreken. Alle andere kinderen dachten dat we beiden mentaal iets achter liepen, hetgene in mijn geval zeker niet waar is. Alhoewel we dus ook niet met elkaar konden spreken waren we toch beste vriendjes… En nu…25 jaar ouder, 25 jaar wijzer…ik spreek ondertussen Engels en Robert…tja…euh…die spreekt nog steeds geen Nederlands. Maar na vandaag heb ik nog een beetje hoop dat er verbetering in zal komen.

Back to English…I apologise for that….I was just telling our Flemish guest how much of a laugh it is when Robert is faced with having to speak to someone in Dutch. He is an absolute master in disguising he doesn't actually understand a single word of it. As soon as someone speaks Dutch to him he gives them a large empathetic smile and nods his head…kinda like this Rogier shows it. In fact, only recently, at his civil wedding he managed to fool the Mayor of Halle Wendy's home town that he spoke the language fluently. Let me describe the scene to you…after a few minutes of introduction obviously in Dutch the mayor turns to Robert and says: Do you Robert Eduard Travers take Wendy van Houdt as your wife? Silence…Not having a clue of what is being asked of him he is just standing there nodding his head with a large smile on his face Rogier shows it…without a doubt the longest 10 seconds in Wendy's life…yet the funniest 10 seconds in my life.

It is said that being asked to be the Best Man is a bit like playing football for Wales….as in, it's a great honour, but nobody really wants to do it. But I really enjoy it….being best man that is. I'm sorry people I needed at least one joke about Wales.

An important duty of mine is to try and humiliate and embarrass the groom. However, seeing as Robert is very capable of doing so by himself, I thought we should break with tradition here and not do the embarrassing thing. I would let you know what a kind, caring and thoughtful young man Robert is. However, after hours of trying @ the paper still read @ Robert is a kind caring and thoughtful young man. So I thought we'd revert to plan A. Some of the old traditions are still the best.

I would like to take this opportunity to extend an apology on behalf of Rob. An apology to all the parents here present whom have had to put up with having Robert over to stay at their respective houses. Now if you have been spared of this misfortune you might not know that Robert is also known as “the Decorator”. How can I explain…lets just say that Robert, after big nights on the town, always had the urge to give a little bit of his own .… to the carpet, the walls, the closets…the cars.…

But besides this little hiccup, if there really is one major flaw to Robert's character it is, without a shadow of a doubt, his lack of good judgement. Everyone knows NEVER to watch a film or read a book recommended by Robert.
Now, in his defence, this lack of good judgement often coincides with an “over consumption” of beer but still… Rob…I mean…beers or no beers…surely you should know better then to show your bum to a passing van in the centre of Brussels. Especially when the van happens to be occupied by a group of large angry looking men.

In the summer of 94, Robert, Chris where is Chris…stand up please…ok you can sit down again and I went on an expedition to find Robert an apartment in Bordeaux for the University term he was about to enter. At least, that was the official read parental version. As you can imagine, all 3 of us found it very difficult to find sponsorship for this expedition. I guess this really does confirm that our parents were young…a long time ago. Upon arrival in Bordeaux and after a long@lasting battle with our tent, Robert decided we ought to fire up the BBQ for some tasty sausages. I have to be honest Chris and I had not seen the “NO FIRE” banners either. I'd like to give everyone here a little tip, if you ever find yourself in a camping site in the woods of France and you want to make a lot of enemies I suggest you light up a BBQ and cook some sausages. Also you must ensure, as Robert did, that you do so just days following a major French bushfire catastophy. The more fatal casualties, the better the effect.

After a few half cooked sausages Robert figured we really deserved a drink, you know … to quench our thirst. We opted for the bar in the actual camp site which, Robert tried to reassure us, must be better then it looked. Well it wasn't… and in a desperate attempt to better our situation Robert figured we should try a drink called Tequila PAF. Well, what can I say…

Sometimes you seriously lack judgement…

Unfortunately, most of the good stories that I can share with you about Robert incriminate me as well. But such is the fate of the best man. So now I have to admit to both Robert's parents and to my parents that our plan to have a week in Bordeaux to find an apartment for Rob was…how can I put this…considerably reviewed. The morning after our evening out on the camp site we did pick an apartment for Rob, that much is true…however we did so… on our way to Spain. Never has a apartment lease contract been agreed and signed as quickly. I mean, the ink wasn't dry yet and were rolling down the Pyrenees. Upon arrival at the beach, it dawned upon us just how little cash we had…and coincidentally how many Tequila PAFS we had had the night before.

So the 3 of us spent the entire week on a balcony eating exclusively bread and mayonnaise and playing Monopoly. I think we played 20 games of monopoly that week. In fact, the final score was Robert won 10 games….I won 10 games won…..and Chris… well…do the maths….We renamed the game that week and called it “who can rip Chris of the quickest…..ly”. And then Robert did something really amazing, something that makes Robert such a uniquely generous person and makes me proud to be standing here today. He suggested that, out of charity, we should let poor Chris win a game… Still…I must be honest and tell you be both quickly dismissed the idea.

Still, notwithstanding our financial problems, we had a great week. Even though none of us have been able to look at mayonnaise ever since…let alone eat it.

As most people will know it was Katrien who initially introduced Wendy to us. At this time most of us where single. In fact, “single” is not really accurate. I believe “Hunter” to be the appropriate word. I, however, was quickly out of the running. For our International guests, please allow me to clarify:
Belgians aren't known to be big fans of the Dutch and understandably so. For centuries Belgium was occupied by various nations and this resulted in a continuous drain of Belgian talent to the Netherlands. Many famous artists and their works are known to the world as the pride of the Netherlands and not Belgium. To add to the frustration this leaves Belgium with only one real national pride…Maneken Piss. Again, for our International guests Maneken Piss is a monument in the centre of Brussels of a little boy holding his pecker and relieving himself. Naturally, you will understand that the Dutch left that one behind.

Anyhow, with my Dutch background, I was out of the running for seducing Wendy. I did, however, make a mental note that, upon Rob's return from abroad, I pass on the opportunity to him. Robert did exactly what was expected of him he closed the deal in a matter of days thereby fiercely beating all competition. But credit due to where credit is due, it was Katrien who introduced us all to Wendy and I for one am very grateful she did. Speaking of friends I have a few messages I would like to read out from people who unfortunately could not attend:

The first message comes from our good friend Oli who is in Ghana:
Dear Rob and Wendy,
As I write this, I'm in a sweaty, stinky, mosquito@infested internet bar in Accra, Ghana. Yet this place is classy compared to some of the dives that Rob has taken me for “one last cheeky beer”.

I send the newlyweds my very best wishes. Rob is probably one of the best blokes you could hope for as a mate and I'm sure he'll make a fine husband. Wendy is one of the kindest and most caring people I've ever met, and she's already shown that she has the saintliest patience to put up with Rob's antics. So, as they say over here: cheers!

The Second message comes from our mate James whom is in Athens:
Dear Rob &amp Wendy,
We are both absolutely gutted than we can't make your wedding as you are truly two of the nicest people I know @ Steph on the other hand actually knows quite a lot of nice people. You both set a great example to the rest of us in how to be patient and tolerant.
Wendy I have no idea how you put up with Rob's @ well actually this applies to all Travers's time keeping as well as Rob's inability to stick to any kind of pre arranged plan.

I know that you will both have a wonderful life together, and I mean this when I say it's an absolute privilege knowing the both of you. However, if I could wish two things for the both of you, is that when you decide to have little Rob's and Wendy's that they don't have Rob's short legs and Wendy's French accent.
Have a fantastic day and more importantly a wonderful life together.
All the Best
James and Seph

Now Robert, to finish up I would like to say that despite your blatant lack of judgement you do, occasionally, make very accurate choices.

Choosing me as your best friend was indeed a very wise move. You also outdid yourself when you chose me as your best man. Another stroke of genius is your latest decision to move to Barcelona in September. Although, to be blunt, at your age…it's about time to move out of the parental home.

But clearly the best decision you have ever made was the commitment you made to Wendy today. Wendy, in a nutshell, is kind, intelligent, full of live, beautiful, great fun to be with and moody particularly when hungry. Rob, whatever you do, don't let her become hungry.

Rob, buddy, I would like to finish off with a few words of wisdom…
1 The best way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it once.
2 Never go to bed angry………..always stay up and fight
3 The last one I borrowed from Oscar Wilde…&quotWomen are meant to be loved…not understood&quot

Robert, you are my oldest and dearest friend. It has been an honour and a privilege to be your best man, but today I am the best man in title only.
My final duty happens to be my favourite, I would like to propose a toast to the newly weds, so if you would please be upstanding.

Ladies and gentlemen,

It gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to raise your glasses in a toast to Mr and Mrs Travers. May their joy be everlasting and their only pain be champagne.

&quotThe Bride and Groom&quot