Speech by Ross Cameron

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Ross Cameron
Speech Date: june 2003
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. My name is Ross and I'm the best man.

Now Dave has had as much a part in developing my sense of humour as anyone.
So, although I have tried to make this speech as funny as possible, if its
crap blame Dave.

Firstly on behalf of the bridesmaids I'd like to thank Dave for his kind
words and reiterate how wonderful they look and what a fantastic job they
have done today.
I'd also like to say that Sharon looks stunning; as I'm sure you will agree.

Before getting into things, I must say what a wonderful wedding it has been
so far, a nice church, excellent Vicar, glorious flowers, magnificent food,
a beautiful bride and a broke groom.

Dave was born on 16th March 1970, around the same time as the jumbo jet had
its first transatlantic flight …….and the oxygen tanks were stirred on
the I'll fated Apollo 13.

Dave and I go back 22 years…………… 21 years too long if you ask me!
I first met Dave at Walmley Middle School where he would take great delight
in challenging me to wrestling matches every break time.

I managed to un-earth an old school report of his, It reads …Dave is an
ideal pupil who excels in most subjects………..Sorry, let me read that
again, Dave is an idle pupil who should be expelled from most subjects.

I've had a go at some poetry in what I believe Sharon sees in Dave.…

He's got the grin
He's long and thin

He's six foot two
And he's trained to fix your loo

Some say he's tight
And they may be right

He can't make up his mind
But just to be kind

He's used his charms to make a catch
And you must admit they make the perfect match

Dave is known for his inability to get over a drinking session, many a time
I would phone him up the next day to see if he fancied another session only
to learn he had been yakking up all day. I happen to have a picture of Dave
on one such session on the island of Ibiza, here he can be seen sporting the
comedy t-shirt and tinny hat and of course the stupid grin.

The evening of the stag doo got off to a slightly rocky start when after a
couple of early beers Dave had a quick shower before the main drinking got
underway, he fell out of the shower, ripped the shower curtain down,
narrowly missed putting his head down the toilet and burnt his bum on the
hot towel rail.

The evening was the usual beer fight and curry…….… So there was no
change there.

Mind you what I will say in Dave's favour was at the end of the night he was
drinking vodka and tonics………..… Unlike his younger brother Reg who
wanted Cinzanos!!!

It was in Shades in Sutton where Dave and Sharon first met, as you know Dave
is not known for his charm and eloquence…… and he didn't disappoint on
the night they met.
From what I heard it was Sharon who pulled Dave.

On to the Telegrams and Cards

There are a couple for you Dave.…

Don't go forgetting us now you are married Dave.…
Love all the girls at Madame Thrashards Spanking Emporium

Dave, I will miss your muscular arms, your beautiful toned
body and I will never forget our intimate nights by the pool…thanks for
everything…Lots of Love……………………….Michael Barrymore.

In the words of Oscar Wilde…."Women are meant to be loved, not understood"
And men are like fish; neither would get into trouble if they kept their
mouths shut.

On a more sincere note I'd like to express my heartfelt congratulations to
you both, and to thank you for honouring me with the role of best man.

Finally on behalf of the bride and groom, I'd like to thank everyone here
for sharing their day and though it has been said before, it now gives me
great pleasure, to invite you all to stand once more and raise your glasses
in a toast for Dave and Sharon, ………Mr and Mrs Edwards no less, we wish
them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long, happy and fruitful
marriage. Dave and Sharon..…