Speech by Roy Guest

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Roy Guest
Speech Date: sep 2003
Ladies And Gentlemen , As is traditional on these occasions I have been asked to give a small speech , I'll try to keep it short because of my throat , no it's ok I'm not ill it's just that Claire has threatened to cut it if I go on for too long .Suffice to say this is not the first time today that I've risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand .So on behalf of my wife and I , I'd like to thank each and every one of you for coming here today to share this very special day with us , especially those who've travelled so far to be here. You know it's amazing how history repeats itself , 40 odd years ago Dave and Kitt were putting Claire to bed with a dummy and now it's happening all over again.

Anyway Thank You Dave for those kind words , you know it's amazing what people will say when they're under oath , I'd just like to say that I'm proud to be your son in law, I hope I live up to all your expectations, I would sincerely like to thank yourself and Kitt for always making me feel welcome when I come to visit , as have the rest of the family , Actually Kitty and Dave have already got a pet name for me , they call me the exorcist in their house because every time I go round I rid them of all their spirits. By the way Dave I haven't forgotten ……I'll sign that receipt for you later , ( produce slip of paper ) Dave has written out a receipt for me it reads……
Received one daughter , in perfect condition , fully guaranteed and warranted.
Keep topped up with expensive jewellery and lubricate with vintage cider ,
Comes complete with all optional extras
My personal favourite is the nurses uniform
Not to be outdone my dad has a receipt for Claire to sign ( produce other note ) it reads ………
Received one son, sold as seen, no refund under any circumstances
The room has been redecorated , we changed the locks and sold his bed so you're stuck with him
And it comes complete with my care notes
De-hydrates easily , top up regularly with beer , and on that note ……

Today also represents a special occasion for my parents Irene and Jeff being the culmination of many years of bringing me up to talk proper English ( Cheers Dad ) and Mom .… What can I say? In 44 years never once have I ever doubted your love for me , no mother ever tried harder than you have and I just hope I turned out to be the man you hoped to raise … I Love Ya!
You've both always been there for me when I've needed you and I feel very fortunate and proud to have you as my parents.

I'd like to thank my mate Neil for a wonderful job as best man , because of the job we do Neil and I have been through some torrid but often humorous times together , and special thanks to his wife Jo for putting up with us last night , thanks for all your moral support and advice and thanks for getting me here on time but I think trying to wash and dress me this morning was a little bit over the top . Neil took it upon himself to keep all trouble makers out of the church earlier , I don't know whether you all noticed but he actually threw a woman out for repeatedly talking during the service , unfortunately it was the Vicar. I'm looking forward to his speech because I did of course have a very humorous speech of my own worked out but unfortunately now I'm married my wife told me what to say instead.

And the bridesmaids, Barbara and Pauline , I'd like to say how wonderful you look and thank you for all the help and encouragement you've both given us , Actually I asked Barbara a few weeks ago how Claire looked in her Wedding Outfit and she said she looked wonderful , but nothing could have prepared me for when I clapped eyes on her at the registry office earlier , I was overwhelmed to say the least on how gorgeous she looks today . I should be used to it by now though as Claire always dresses to kill , unfortunately she cooks the same way , the last meal she cooked in our house she burnt the tin opener , although come to think of it I shouldn't have a go at her cooking that much as she did do me a wonderful meal the other day only slightly burning it … But it was still a lovely salad Thank You !!
Only kiddin’ babe ……
They say to never marry a woman you can live with but to marry one you can't live without and I think I managed to do just that today.
I want everyone here, especially Claire to know how lucky I feel to be standing here right now, She's beautiful, intelligent, hard working, Funny , supportive , kind in fact the list of her qualities is very long but unfortunately I can't read her handwriting , must be something to do with her being a nurse , in fact when I held out my hand for her to put the ring on my finger at the ceremony she checked my pulse.
But seriously to my wife , my Bride and Joy thank you for taking me on , you know everything about me and love me just the same , I have my faults but you still agreed to marry me , I feel extremely lucky to have been the one to marry you and I look forward to many happy years together.

So Ladies and Gentlemen please be upstanding as I propose a toast .…
To the Bridesmaids ………………………….…

Thank You , I think I've now gone on for long enough , once again a huge thank you to everyone who has helped to put this all together , enjoy the rest of the day and evening , I'll now hand you over to the Best Man but that's a matter of opinion !!
Ladies and Gentlemen Mr. Neil Cockerill ……………………………………