Speech by Russ Holland

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Russ Holland
Speech Date: Jun2006
Hello All, thanks to Wilk there for those kind words. I'll see if I can repay the compliment but as I can still remember that night in 1995 when he left me asleep on the last train out of London, I might find it a bit difficult!!!

I would never have done that to him.…

I would just like to properly introduce myself to those of you here that don't know me, and especially for those who I meet in the bar later, my full name is ‘Russ would you like a drink?..’

I would also like to assure you all that, unlike most traditional best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo, I've promised Wilk & Ang that if there is anything slightly risqué, I'll whip it out immediately.

Let me give you a quick run down of the day so far. Everybody was up early this morning in anticipation of a great day ahead. After a little bit of pre match tension as it's commonly known before an important event, it all finally got going at 2pm, in front of an expectant crowd of onlookers. After a few early nervous moments, things really settled down and started to flow. By the end of proceedings, everybody who was watching had agreed they'd seen a match made in heaven.
We, in the wedding party, on the other hand, couldn't get to see that England match made in heaven, so we'll just have to take their word for that!!!!

You can't believe it can ya? I remember the conversation we had well. ‘I've got a date set for the wedding mate. Yeah when? 10th June. Oh, isn't that when the world cups on, what about if England are playing on that day? Nah, what are the chances of that happening? Well, pretty bloody high as it turned out mate!!!

At least it was only a first round match. I once went to a wedding were the idiot got married on the same day when England were in a quarter final match.

Seriously, for those of you who weren't at the ceremony earlier it all went brilliantly and the registrar was great. In fact I was chatting to her earlier, and what with Ang coming from a traditional family, I asked the registrar her opinion on sex before marriage, to which she replied that she thought it was fine…..as long as it didn't delay the service!!!

I'll be referring to the main man today by the nickname that I normally call him, which is Wilk. I could have used a number of others, Wilks, Wilko, Wilf, Barney, Arney, Glady's or Slim, to name a few. I'm sure he would have liked me to have used his personal favourite but I just couldn't bring myself to keep referring to him as Big G throughout this speech. (to Wilk) I take it the Big was because you were taller than the rest of us?

So, what can I tell you about Big G? Well luckily for him this speech was written before the stag do in Spain, so I'll have to save those knocking shop stories for another time! (I think I heard a few more sighs of relief there……)

Well, as many of you probably know, Wilk loves both watching and participating in sport. He isn't a member of a team or anything as he sees himself as more of a solo player, which is reflected in his love for two of his favourite sports, golf and ping pong, but he'll try and have a go at most things. I once heard him telling a girl in a pub one night that ‘yeah I have done a bit of boxing’. What he forgot to mention to the starry eyed lady in question was that his bit of boxing was in fact one lesson of boxercise, which is a form of keep fit. (Pause) for girls.

Obviously, his main sporting interest, although you might not think it, is football and in particular the mighty Oxford United. Unfortunately for me, Wilk didn't introduce me to the mighty yellows until after their glorious 1986 victory over QPR in the League cup final at Wembley. People may take the mickey out of our club, but at least Oxford can say that they've actually played at Wembley Stadium, which is more than can be said for Take That and Bon Jovi of course.

I would like to say that the ten or so years that we were live and breathe Oxford season ticket holders, going to all home games and a fair few away, were the defining years of our friendship, and that we became the best of mates through that and we always had a great time, even though we can probably count the number of enjoyable games a season, on one finger of one hand!!!

I do hope that your support for the boys will continue from afar now that you've moved up north and that you're not tempted to follow Manchesters’ no. 1 team, as I'm sure that City have enough support already. Even if you wanted, for some reason, to follow Man Utd, you wouldn't be able to as you do actually now live within 100 miles of Old Trafford.

Even though Wilk is a die hard Oxford fan he has been known to go the odd game of his home town High Wycombe, i.e Wycombe Wanderers. Now, a few years back Wycombe reached the final of the F.A Trophy again at Wembley. As Wilk worked close to Wycombe's ground he offered to get the tickets for all the lads, who all wanted to go for the day out and a few beers. Now, I don't know if the rest of the lads know this but Wycombe Wanderers never cashed the cheque that he gave them, therefore meaning that he's still got all your money in his bank account. So not one of you needs to buy a drink later, just go and ask the groom. The stopwatch is running as to how long it takes Jez to actually do that!!!

Anyone who knows Wilk, will know that he's partial to the odd Bacardi or three and we've had many nights out that we can't remember! I'm sure that one night he'd love to forget would be that night that he was sick in someone's spare bedroom, which resulted in him having to fork out well over £100 for new wallpaper and duvet covers!

This is the same house where about a year later Wilk broke his ankle while attempting a drunken impersonation of Buster Bloodvessel of Bad Manners. I think you should stick to OJ there in the future mate!

While we're on the subject of booze, I must just congratulate Wilk for choosing Brahma, the number 1 beer of Brazil, for us all to enjoy today. It's just clicked with me now that he was so obviously talking about beer selection when he said to me weeks ago that he was going to have a Brazilian on his wedding day!

And now a few words about Angela, who I'm sure you'll all agree looks absolutely stunning today. It's been a real pleasure getting to know Ang over the last 2 years, and although I don't know her as well as many others here, there is one thing that stands out about her. Namely, her ability to spend money. I was amazed when Wilk said that they were getting married on a day when the football was on. I was even more amazed when he said that Ang wanted to get married on a day when the shops were open. In fact on that note, I noticed on the local news this morning that, due to expected loss of earnings, the Trafford Centre has been closed today and people who work there are on a days holiday.

What I'm really amazed at though, is that we're here at all today as Wilk let on to me that when Ang said she'd marry him at the top of the Empire State Building in NY, he was only kneeling down to pick up a dollar note he'd spotted! But here we are and what a brilliant couple they make. I mean Ang, just one in a million. Wilk, just won in a raffle.

I would like to say congratulations to Wilk and Ang and wish them all the best for their honeymoon. By the way, I've checked with the travel company looking after the honeymoon account and they say that if we have a last minute whip round today, they should have enough to get Wilk into the b & b in Blackpool too! Seriously though, have a great time in Italy. Just make sure Ang that you keep on the lookout for any bottom pinching and leering that might be going on, as you know what Wilk will be like among those Italian girls.

WELL JUST TIME FOR THE TOASTS. Ladies and Gentleman….Now obviously I wanted my toasts to focus on the most important people here
today.… The people we all feel close to, and without whom, today just
wouldn't be possible… but then it was pointed out to me that it isn't wedding etiquette to toast the bar staff, so I'll have to forget that.

Seriously though, I would like to thank you all for listening and for Wilk for asking me to be his best man. Please really raise your glasses to a fantastic couple and wish them all the best for their future together. Ladies and Gentlemen, Graham and Angela. Mr & Mrs Wilkins.