Speech by Russ

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Russ
Speech Date: Aug2007
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. My name is Russ and I am Bill's best man since he was unable to find a qualified one. I'd like to begin by saying the bridesmaids and groomsmen all look great and did a wonderful job today. I'd also like to thank both sets of parents: Jim and Mary-Ellen, Rob and Diedre. All of you have been extremely supportive of our wedding couple and they are lucky to have such loving families. Last, but not least, I'd like to thank Bill and Tara for giving me this great opportunity. It is truly an honor.

When Bill asked me to be best man, I felt very honored. I did however say to him that I felt that the role maybe better suited for one of the other guys. A couple of days later, Bill called me and admitted that I was in fact the best of a bad bunch. — – Then he offered me the job! He said that he'd still refer to me as the best man, despite my truly only being the marginally better man.

Having said that, it's great to be involved on the happiest day of Bill's life, as he was involved in mine. That's right, he was there, stood by my side, when the New York Yankees defeated the Mets in the 2000 World Series.

I met Bill 10 years ago after I graduated from the Police Academy. I was assigned to the same station to which he had already been assigned. I met him soon after I started and we always had a blast together. Whether it was shooting Bucky's 50 caliber Desert Eagle in the parking lot of the barracks, blowing the head off of a deer he'd accidentally crushed and mangled with his Jeep Cherokee, or boozing it up till 4 AM at Hogs &amp Heifers in New York City. Man, those were the days and we didn't even talk about the time we drove his BMW into a snowy ditch.

Now I don't want people to get the wrong idea. We weren't gun nuts or animal cruelty practitioners. We also had a soft side. You see, for those who don't know, Bill and I lived together for two and a half years. No, we didn't LIVE TOGETHER, like that, we were just roommates and good friends, —- just like Bert and Ernie. We each had our own bedrooms and stuff. I can honestly say that in the two and a half years, I never once saw Bill naked, and to this day, I say that was a good thing.

Anyway, back then we had this dog, named Titan and Titan had separation anxiety when we'd leave him alone. The Vet recommended that we get him this cage. The plan was to put him in the cage when we left in order to make him feel safe and secure. Bill and I did just that before setting off to work an overnight together, on patrol in the mean streets of Brewster. We returned home in one piece to find Titan scrapped up and bleeding from a night's long attempt at extricating himself from his huge metal cage. Needless to say, I was horrified and dismayed about what needed to be done. But Bill came to the rescue and showed me his compassionate side. Bill gave Titan a couple of bowls of water, hugged him, told him everything was going to be alright, and then patted him on his head until he puked on the kitchen floor. Boy, those were the days.

Speaking of days, does anyone know how old Bill is today? Well, of course you do. Tara, you know, right? He's 32 years old and to my knowledge that's the same age he's been for the past seven years. You see, Bill is like fine wine, he doesn't get older, he just keeps getting better. At least that what he tells everyone.

Bill, before I go, I'd like to leave you with this single piece of advice for your marriage. As a police officer, I've looked into it. Apparently, there has never been a recorded case in history, where a wife shot her husband while he was doing the laundry.

All joking aside, Bill has been a great friend to me. We've had some excellent times together and I'm sure we'll have more in the future. It's been an honor to be the best man today. When Bill told me that he was going to ask Tara to marry him, I was delighted. Although I haven't spent all that much time with Tara yet, I've enjoyed meeting her and her family and look forward to getting to know them better. Tara's obviously an exceptional woman and a perfect match for Bill. I wish the two of them all the happiness in the world.

Ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who are still capable of standing, I would like you now to do me the honor of rising to your feet, raising your glasses, and toasting to Mr. and Mrs. William –.