Speech by Russell Dykes

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Russell Dykes
Speech Date: oct 2003
The Speech!

Intro

I am truly honored to be here today as Rich's best man and on behalf of the Bridesmaids I would like to thank Rich for his kind words and gift. I have to say Mekyla, Becky and Laura look wonderful, and helped make this such a great day for Sue. And I'm sure you'll agree that Sue is looking absolutely stunning as well.

I would also like to say an extended thank you on behalf of everyone here for all the hard work Rich, Sue and both sets of parents have put in as the end result has been this incredible event.

As Rich & Sue know I was V. nervous about today…But that was 2 years ago… Since then I have had a little time to prepare Richards demise.

Speaking to the lovely Mrs Potter the 1st I discovered a couple of things which I never knew about Rich:

When Rich was born he weighed a whopping 9 pounds 7 ounces – Looking at you now mate, I never could have told.

I was slightly concerned when Mrs P. told me about the first female Rich ever slept with. And not just that, she also gave me photographic evidence….show t-shirt….And as you can see this love affair has never died.

But a little later on in life I first really got to know Rich at sixth form college. It was here in particular Rich was quickly liked by not only the dinner ladies but a whole new group of friends, and soon Rich donned a new appearance to go with his new outlook.

First was his beautiful greased back ponytail;
Then there was the obligatory DM boots;
And of course there was his voice, which had dropped abnormally lower than anyone else's at pubity.

But it was his Mini that brought him the greatest attention. Quite a few people had mini's at college and it was the perfect accompaniment to cruise the badlands of Dorking for our ultra smooth superstar.

It was a car to be cherished – We certainly were made to – and to say it was cleaned more often than his pony tail is by no means an exaggeration. Saying that I think in those days he use to apply just as much wax to the car as he did to his hair.

However, it all had to end and the car sadly crashed and went to the great motorway in the sky and poor little Rich was totally inconsolable.

It was also at Reigate where the groom developed his social skills –On Friday and Saturday evenings I, would always be the one driving him to Reigate. Since I was behind the wheel Rich discovered that drinking a pint of Stella not only made your hair grow longer, and his voice a bit deeper, but it also brought about new waves of confidence.

Firstly, Rich would demonstrate to the entire population of Reigate high street his raging bull impersonation. This basically involved charging from one end of the high street to the other, whilst making as many farm yard noises as possible.

For some reason the girls never liked this.

He also took great pride in his belly button trick involving a cigarette, his belly button and smoke coming through his nose and ears. Not a pleasant site I can assure you.

And for some reason the girls never liked that either.

But it wouldn't be until the way home though, when I drove back to Dorking when Rich would decide he was too hot and wind down the window, drop his trousers and rest his backside on the window ledge. I would normally be overtaking someone at this moment….Unfortunately my car wasn't very quick..… I think their distraught faces would sum up what they saw. And Sue, I can only sympathise that you have the rest of your life to wake up to something like that!

Seriously though it was great to meet a mate like Rich who shared my passion for both pubs and also rugby. On the pitch we had many good times together. However when opponents came without a full team Rich was always first to put up his hand and volunteer to play for them. If only to try and break my arm at any given opportunity.… But Rich was well known for his competitive streak and his enthusiasm and effort on the pitch, which usually outweighed his prodigious lack of talent….which reminds me, our old rugby teacher sent a little message for you Sue….It reads.…

“Sue, we have tried Rich in all possible positions and have found him to be absolutely useless, hope you have better luck with him tonight!”

It was at Reigate also that Rich and I decided to embark on a lifetime ambition for us both and see if there was a world outside of Dorking! So with heavy hearts and a tear in our eyes we took to sunnier climes on a tour that saw us across 3 continents over a period of 6 months.

Over the 6 months we had a truly amazing time. The old phrase that these kind of trips are more a voyage of inner discovery certainly held true. And I always remember waking up in a safari park in Zimbabwe and opening my tent with bleary eyes to discover Rich could talk fluent baboon!! It was the way he was sat there with a great big ugly baboon sat opposite him, about 3 metres away where they were both swinging their arms together in unison and making these noises that I last heard at London zoo. I remember thinking to myself, who was the baboon here.

A little later on into the trip we reached Samoa, largely due to a political coup ruining things for us over in Fiji. And at this point I have to confess to you all that this is not the first time Rich and I have come across the prospect of marriage….As on arrival we headed over to the south part of the island that was deserted. And we were promptly met by chief of the local tribe who insisted on presenting us with traditional gifts of 4 chickens, 3 lobsters and 2 other birds….which happened to be his daughters.

We didn't go for the chickens as they weren't plucky enough. And the lobsters I'm afraid were a bit crabby. And the daughters….Well…we've all seen Samoan rugby players.

I can honestly say we had an amazing time from the trip and Rich I am honored to have spent those 6 months with you sharing some of the best moments of my life. I kind of knew on landing back at Heathrow that Sue would be the lady of your life when we came through the arrival gates.

Sue was stood there with your parents, looking as stunning as always and a smile spread across both your faces….I still wonder if I should have waited longer for the women of my dreams to come and meet me that day….I put it down to her getting lost in traffic though!

Anyway I have loads more stories of our travels which I'd be delighted to tell you about later, such as roaming around Oz, wrestling crocodiles in South Africa, jumping out of planes in New Zealand….But I believe there's someone in the audience who might have a baby if I don't finish this soon!

Now just before I read out a few cards I would like to thank Rich and Sue for giving me the honor of being their best man….I really am privileged to be part of your wedding and its one that I have truly enjoyed.

Sue if you have half the amount of fabulous times I have shared with Rich you will have a fantastic life, full of chuckles and memorable times together. You are both perfectly matched and you will have a perfect future together.

Rich, its clear to see that you have a beautiful wife, who's going to provide you with a lifetime of happiness.

I now have a couple of cards to read out…

To Rich only…Will miss those nights getting to know each other round the pool. Best Wishes. Michael Barrymore.

Cards…

Would everyone now please be upstanding to toast the bride and groom

To the new Mr and Mrs Potter
Sue and Rich