Speech by S Boardman

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: S Boardman
Speech Date: Jul2007
Just before I begin the hotel have asked me to make a short Safety Announcement pick up another piece of paper – could you please refrain from jumping on the tables and chairs during the standing ovation at the end of my speech.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW ME, MY NAME IS &quotSteven WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK Boardman&quot, AND IF YOU SEE ME LATER PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO COME OVER AND CHAT, I'LL PROBABLY BE AROUND THE BAR AREA!

I was delighted to be asked by Anthony to be his best man. I must admit though, I'm very nervous. I read somewhere that the best way to calm your nerves whilst public speaking is to imagine your audience naked. Now, I don't know about you, but the thought of you lot naked sitting staring at me is doing nothing for my nerves! So, please bear with me.

Firstly, I'd like to thank Anthony on behalf of the lovely Bridesmaids, the Ushers and of course myself for his kind words. I know you'll agree how lovely the bridesmaids are looking today and what a fantastic job they have done today in helping Helens's day go perfectly. And the Ushers it pains me to say are also looking rather handsome but have done an equally great job today and made my job pretty easy… until now!
So if I can ask you all too please stand for my first toast which is for the Bridesmaids and the Ushers. The Bridesmaids and the Ushers.

I also like to mention, and im sure you'll all agree that both bride and grooms mothers are looking respendid today.

THE SAME MUST ALSO BE SAID ABOUT Helen, WHO I THINK YOU'LL ALL AGREE LOOKS STUNNING. And Anthony, well he just looks absolutely stunned.

Thanks also go to HELEN MUM AND DAD on behalf of everyone for inviting us to the wedding and laying on such wonderful food through the Barton Grange.

With regards to myself, I think that my duties as Best Man to get Anthony here.

•On time, which is a first?
•Sober, which is unusual?
•AND SMART, which is unheard of.

Have all been very successful!

Thanks also to all of the lads who came on the Stag weekend. I had a great time and hope that you enjoyed yourself. I'll never forget the view of the beach at Sunset. Coated in Majorcan sunshine. The view was spoilt somewhat by that big fat, hairy fella running across it with just his flip flops on. Look at groom

Now they say a Best mans speech is very similar to a mini skirt. Long enough to cover everything but short enough to cover the essentials. So here I go.

I first met Anthony at Secondary school all those years ago. Now Anthony I don't know if many people know this, was quite active as a child at school enjoying most sports, including fishing, cricket, tennis, stamp collecting, birdwatching, collecting WWF wrestling figures and especially football.

He once told me he was captain of his Primary school team and by far the best player in the school. I can only think that they were a little short of talent that year, as Iv played football with him a couple of times. Now im not being funny, but he the only person I know off taking a penalty where the keeper sent him the wrong way!!

One task that a best man has is to tell embarrassing stories about the groom. Well I've thought about these and there really aren't really that many. I could mention ex – girlfriends but they mysteriously disappeared during the Foot and Mouth epidemic.

Before the service this morning I was just talking to HELENS DAD, and we remarked on how it's funny how history repeats itself… not twenty three years ago, he was sending Helen to bed with a dummy, … and now here we are again!

I managed to catch up with Anthony's boss at whilst in town recently and knowing I was doing this speech today I thought I'd asked for an insight into Anthony's world at work: Now as I was uptown im afriad there was alcohol involved so I don't remember too many of the great things im sure he had to say about him but I do remember one thing: His nickname they call him at work. And do you know what they call him at work, ladies and gentleman?

GOD. Yes god. Any do you know why?

1. His never there,
2. He makes his own rules
3. And any work done is considered a miracle!

When all said and done on this fabulous day Anthony is going to be able to take away many great things. For example, wonderful memories, a wonderful wife and life partner…… And Helen, you get to take away a gorgeous dress and huge bouquet of flowers!

Now it's customary for the best man to give some words of wisdom to the newly weds on marriage. Now me being not married myself, I can't speak from experience so I went out looking for happily married couples that could offer some advice… I'm still looking.

long pause

However said loudly I've drawn up my own words of advice.

Number 1. Firstly, set the ground rules and establish who's the boss…… then do everything she says!

Number 2. The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.

Number 3. To help the course of true love run smooth, never forget those three very important words you must say every day… your right Helen!

Number 4. .Always I repeat always maintain a good relationship with your mother in-law. I once knew a lad who didn't speak to his for a good 2 years! When I asked him about this he simply said he didn't want to interrupt!!

And number 5.This ones for you Helen! Don't keep him in the dog house too long or he might give his bone to the woman next door!!

I'd now like to ask Anthony and Helen to participate in the speech now. Helen if I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table… OK Anthony, if you could like place your hand directly on top of Helen's. Now Enjoy that Anthony? Make the most of it, it's the last time you'll have the upper hand.

Now one thing Ladies and Gentlemen that Helen and Anthony will be doing as husband and wife is going on a honeymoon and can I speak for us all when we wish you a great trip and hope you'll both have a fantastic time in North Wales… Well I presume that's what Anthony meant when he said he was going to bangor for the week!!!

In all seriousness though, My final words to you, Anthony and Helen are that I'm honoured and very proud to be best man here today and I am so pleased that Anthony has found such a wonderful and loving wife.

I have no doubt that your love will be modern enough to survive the times and old fashioned enough to last forever.

And Finally:

One thing to remember Anthony and Helen is that “the perfect partner is not someone you can live with it's someone you can't live without”
Ladies and gentlemen, It now gives me great pleasure… and relief to thank you for your time and to ask you all to stand and raise your glasses, and join me in a toast to the bride and groom.

The bride and groom