Speech by S. Gillard

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: S. Gillard
Speech Date: 27/07/2010 10:33:32

Good afternoon family and friends. For those who don't know me my name is Ashley and as Nigel's step dad I have know Nigel since he was 4.

I would like to thank you all for being here today to celebrate this special day with Victoria and Nigel. Especially those who have travelled a great distance.

I felt extremely honoured when Nigel asked me to be his best man and before I begin this less than traditional Speech, I would like to take this opportunity to thank Sandra and David for producing such a special person who has been a huge part of my life and who I look upon as one of my own.

I have one Messages to read out from Ann and ken they are sorry they are unable to be here with you on this your special day they send their love and best wishes for your future together.

Victoria could I ask you to place your right hand on the table, Nigel would you place your left hand on top of Victoria's All will be revealed in good time.

Before I go on to saying a few words about Nigel can I just say in case it slips Nigel's mind how radiant and beautiful Victoria is looking? I think we would all agree! You look stunning Victoria!……..  

As for the ushers Lee Dean and Chris wouldn't go as far as to say they look beautiful but they don't scrub up to bad either, Thanks lads.

Victoria is well aware that Nigel is very keen angler, and having a lake at the bottom of this gorgeous venue we could say we are honoured with his presence at the table.

1. They had both spoken to each other for some time on the telephone having worked for the same company.

But one of them made the first move by asking for a photo. WHO ASKED FIRST!

 Get reply from them.

I did actually find LOADS of ready-prepared speeches on the Internet but sadly, NONE of them were about a couple called Nigel and Victoria, so it looks like it's down to me after all. As part of my research I discovered that according to tradition I am supposed to SING THE GROOM'S PRAISES……..

and tell you all about his MANY good points. Well I'm very sorry but I CAN'T SING and I WON'T LIE.

But I can go on to talk about how sport minded Nigel is.  At the age of 4 he started gymnastics.

He gave this up at the age of 10 and went on to do ten pin bowling at the YBC in north harrow, which again he excelled in. 

He was asked to try out for the junior England squad, which maid us very proud, I remember as it was only yesterday as it brought a lump to my throat to see him walk out in an England shirt.

 We could say he took bowling to the extreme!  There's a quote that says get stuck in, Nigel is always known to get stuck in and as a part time technician at the bowling ally he did just that. As his mates will remember the time when he got his head stuck in the machinery at the back of the lanes, Thank goodness Nigel is here today hear this tale.

 I now have a little martial advice for the both of you.

I'm not sure I'm the best person to dish out advice! But I do have the following words of wisdom for the happy couple.

Firstly, advice for you Nigel, set the ground rules and establish who is the boss:   THEN DO EVERYTHING VICTORIA SAYS!

Next! Always remember to tell Victoria those three important words        “You're right dear,

Now two for you Victoria

Victoria a husband is like a tiled floor, lay it right first time and you can spend years walking all over it.

Before marriage a man will lay awake all night thinking about something you said, after marriage he'll fall asleep before you have finished saying it.

Having read this thorough a few times I thought there must be something more I could add. I can't let him off that lightly. So now to well and truly embassies you Nigel!!!!!!

I came up with this ode

WHEN NIGE WAS SMALL AND VERY YOUNG

HE WAS A FIDGET-ARSE

TO GET HIM SITTING STILL AND STAID

WOULD END UP AS A FARCE

HIS LITTLE LEGS WOULD CARRY HIM

AS FAST AS HE COULD GO

HE EVEN FIDGET CONSTANTLY

WHEN SITTING ON THE PO!

WHILST NIGEL SAT UPON HIS POT

HE WAS GIVEN SAGE ADVICE

TO PULL HIS VEST RIGHT OUT THE WAY

AND KEEP IT DRY AND NICE

NOW NIGEL TOOK THIS SERIOUSLY

FOR YEARS WHILST IN THE LOO

HE NOT ONLY PULLED HIS VEST RIGHT UP

HE TOOK ALL HIS CLOTHES OFF, TOO!

HIS YEARS OF NEVER BEING STILL

HELPED NIGEL GET QUITE BENDY

HE SPENT HIS YOUNG YEARS IN THE GYM

IN A LEOTARD, LOOKING TRENDY

HE'D DO THE SPLITS AND WHIRL ABOUT

AND LEAP AROUND QUITE FAST

BUT ONE DAY HAD AN ACIDENT

WHICH ENDED IN A CAST!

AS WELL AS LEAPING ROUND A GYM

NIGE LIKES ANOTHER SPORT

HE USES RODS AND LANDING NETS

AND BIG FISH THAT ARE CAUGHT

HIS PROWESS WITH HIS ROD IN HAND

IS A SIGHT TO SEE

I TAUGHT YOUNG NIGEL ALL HE KNOWS

AND NOW HE'S TEACHING ME!

I TOOK NIGEL TO A FISHERY

TO CATCH SOME JUICY TROUT

BUT A GENTLE SPOT OF AN-GER-LING

TUREND TO A WRESTLING BOUT!

HE CAUGHT A LIVELY RAINBOW TROUT

THAT JUST REFUSED TO DIE

SO HE BASHED IT HARD UPON THE HEAD

AND POKED IT IN THE EYE

NIGEL ALSO HAS A LOVE OF CARS

WHETHER IT'S COSSIE  or a MIN- NIE

HIS CHAT UP LINE TO VICKY WAS:
“HAVE YOU HAD YOUR M.O.T.?”

VICKY SENT A PHOTOGRAPH

AND WHEN HE SAW HER LOVELY CHASSIS

NIGE DECIDED THERE AND THEN

TO WOO THIS LOVELY LASSIE

NIGE SENT A PHOTO OF HIMSELF

TO SHOW OFF HIS MUSCLY BOD

VICKY LIKED THE LOOK OF HIM

AND HIS GREAT BIG SHINY ROD!

VICKY IF YOU MISS HIM,

LATER ON TODAY,

REMEMBER THAT “TEAM EN-GER-LAND”

ARE COMING OUT TO PLAY

 AS YOU RUN FROM ROOM TO ROOM

CALLING NIGEL'S NAME

I SUGGEST YOU FIND THE NEAREST BAR

THAT'S SHOWING OUR FIRST GAME!

TO THE GROOM AND HIS NEW WIFE

AND I'M SURE THAT NIGEL WILL AGREE

HE HAS THE BEST CATCH OF HIS LIFE!

             WHEN FINDING VICK…..EE

Now in case any of you are wondering why I asked Nigel to place his hand on Victoria's. I will tell you now, Nigel as my final role, it is with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last 10 minutes in which you have had the upper hand on Victoria. It will almost certainly be the last.

Lastly may I take this time to say from myself and all your friends and family.

May your love for each other be modern enough to service the times…..… And old fashioned enough to last forever.

Here's to love, laughter…..And happy ever after.

As Nigel and Victoria start their new life

The new husband and wife

IF YOU WOULD BE ALL BE UP STANDING IN MY TOAST

To the new Mr and Mrs Gillard

Victoria and Nigel