Speech by Scott Burton

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Scott Burton
Speech Date: oct 2004
Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen.
I must admit, I thought that following David's speech would be very difficult and I was right, I couldn't follow a word of that !!
Before I go any further, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I'd like to thank David for his kind words. I have to say they have done an excellent job today and look absolutely wonderful, So lets hear it for the bridesmaids !
For everyone who doesn't know me my name is Scott and I'm David's best man, it was a real honour when David asked me to be his best man although I did have to let a girl down to make it here today!. Not to worry though I can blow her back up when I get home !!!!
I can assure everyone that I have taken the role as best man seriously and one of my most important duties was to make sure that the groom got a good night's sleep before the wedding day. Well I can reveal that last night David slept like a baby. He wet the bed and woke up every half hour crying and wanting his Mummy.
Now I'm sure everyone will agree that this afternoon at the wedding the bride looked absolutely stunning !! The groom looked absolutely stunned !!! It's been a great day though and I would also like to take this opportunity to thank both families on behalf of us all for all their efforts in making this such an enjoyable occasion !!. I was speaking to Caroline's mum earlier on and she was remarking on how quickly children grow up these days………She said that when Caroline was younger, she remembers sending her to bed with a dummy……….… Funny how history repeats itself !!!
For those of you who don't know David that well, you see before you a very presentable looking guy, well, it may surprise you to learn that he wasn't always’ like that….… As a child David wasn't the cutest baby. I remember an incident David's mum told me about when he was little, Glasgow zoo had lost a baby orangutan and it actually took her 3 days to convince the zoo to let him go …………..…
David had some problems at nursery too where he was different from all the other 4 year olds, he was 9 !!. At school he wasn't very popular with the other children, so he had two imaginary friends but even they wouldn't play with him !!!! David's schooling eventually progressed through Copland Rd primary school, and on to Govan High where he told me he was an IDEAL pupil who EXCELLED in most subjects. On checking this I actually found he was an IDLE pupil who was EXPELLED in most subjects!
David eventually left school and went on to become a spray painter. After a short while his bosses decided that that this wasn't the best career path for him so he left soon afterwards to become a fork lift driver at AAH, and it was while working here that Caroline was ultimately to meet the man of her dreams….… Unfortunately he left soon afterwards to work somewhere else so Caroline turned her attentions elsewhere, to David ……..…
They first kissed at Easter 1995, and David moved in with Caroline almost immediately afterwards. Shortly after I met Caroline for the 1st time I remember her saying to me that she thought that David was Handsome from afar……..I still think that she meant far from handsome……….…
I have been friends with David for more than 15 years now, we first met when were members of the same boys brigade. We lost contact for a few years but met again by chance and continued our friendship through our mutual love of football, alcohol and partying.
Many of these nights out are lost in the memory due to the amount of alcohol drank, or maybe its because its best they should stay as just a memory ??!!! But I can tell you that over the years of me being friends with David I've known him to sleepwalk naked in the street, fall asleep on pavements outside pubs and actually witnessed him bursting into tears during a football match in a crowded boozer. The last one I'll let him away with though because that was the day that Rangers one the league at Parkhead..… I was rather emotional myself that day as far as I can remember ………
Now I can't stand up here and say nothing about David's stag do…… but I won't elaborate too much to save David's blushes. Suffice to say that after leaving the first pub we went to David left without his boxer shorts ! And he rounded off the evening being whipped on stage, in front of an audience, by a scantily clad lap dancer. I'll leave the rest to your own imaginations………..…
Now, I have a few telegrams here which I would like to read out on behalf of the people who couldn't make it here today …………………..…
Its clear that since David's now a married man, his whole life is now devoted to Caroline and her only..… Caroline is aware that David's had a few partners over the year's and she would appreciate it if any of them have spare keys to his place if they could hand them back now………………………
Finally, I would like to say that it is a privilege and a pleasure to see two fantastic people make this lifelong commitment to each other. I know you'll have a long & happy life together.
Ladies & Gentlemen, could you please stand and raise you glasses in a toast to, ………..Mr and Mrs Thompson