Speech by Scott Griffiths

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Scott Griffiths
Speech Date: Oct2004
Actions

(Garage get printer lead and photo)

Give out picture cards of the couple and tommo dressed up

Envelopes

Prologue

If I can just ask Roger to pick an Envelope there are three to choose from
(Destroy my son) (Be gentle) (Tair him to shreds)
Intro

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, Bride and Groom and their friends and family. For those that don't know me I'm the best man for the day.
My name is
“Scott, and I won`t be doing my party trick today!” “well not this afternoon anyway”
Cheryl told me she was nervous today. If it helps Cheryl i'm as nervous as a virgin bride too!!!
Firstly The bridesmaid, Flower Girl and Page Boy you have to agree that they look wonderful and have done an excellent job today.
Background

When I first met Tommo, I would describe him as good-looking, funny, caring, trustworthy,…stu,…..st,..What have you put there Tommo? I can't read your handwriting.

In 1974 Tommo was born
Disposable plastic razors invented by Gillette (insert comment)
Three day working week introduced in the UK (a rule which tommo has stuck too, just ask Silvia)
Free family planning available on the NHS (I cant see any shotguns here, so best pop down there mate)
World's first gay pride march (There is a photo of you getting a massage by a guy in Galway, think we`ll show that later)
School

School. I`ve known Tommo for 20 years now we were in the same 5th form English Class once doing our G.C.S.E in the Summer of 1990 then the Winter of 90, the Summer of 91,The Winter of 91 and erm.. The Summer of 92, Don`t think English was our best subject!!

Sport

Tommo as you know is Captain of Bryntirion Football Club and every time he doesn`t play… they win!!!

Watching Tommos football has taken us all around the world, ton-teg, maesteg, Tonyrefail, anyone in here from Tonyrefail “ Em best go and check the cars locked”

I Couldn`t spell Tonyrefail so I typed it into a google and up came Tonyrefail`s Rugby website and Under the news section, it wished me a Merry Christmas!!!! Not bad for October.

Can anyone remember Tommos Football Debut on T.V? He told us weeks in advance that he was on there and we should watch it and video it

We`ll in case you haven't heard Tommo scored a corker of an own goal knocking his team out the Cup, which they had Won three years straight. Don`t think he got on the tele again after that.

10 pin bowling is another of his talents, ask him later, how He Moggsy and Myself managed to get banned from bowlers one Saturday night. Can you remember that Tommo? I still have nightmares about my head being trapped

The time he Won golf tour by him and Moggsy spiking Gerald's drinks.
Making Gerald carry breezeblocks in his golf bag without realising and stealing all his water the next day too.

Tommo was a good Tennis player, but stopped when Anna Kournikova burst on the seen as she looked much better in a skirt! Than he did.

Charity

I don`t know if any of you know but Tommo does a lot for charity………so here we go.

We have Lot number one from the Tommo Collection, as he`s getting married he wont need this anymore so….his favourite Charity is the National Canine defense league so here we go then <pull out tommos putter, ask for a volunteer to show them around, start bidding> <insert name #5.00>

Lot number two from the Tommo collection his Football Boots

Lot number 3 his spare car keys

Dressing up

Dressing up over the Christmas period used to always be an event for us lot,

Only just at Christmas wasn`t good enough for Tommo, he dressed up as a woman at any opportunity.

One night we did a Shooting stars quiz
Tommo was Ulrika and still wears the fake breasts!!!!

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,

That night we had a lot of trouble trying to explain to a drunk Doony that he couldn't take a 4ft Axe down town

Welsh Dolls, that speaks for itself

A Nurse who was yet to hear of Immac

Super Girl Outfit

The list is endless

One Liners
A bit of sadness here today though
Tommo hasn't spoken to his Mother-In-Law for eighteen months now….he dosen't like to interrupt her
(you can tell I wrote that bit before seeing the seating plan!!!!!)
Sleeping

I think Sleeping is another past time Tommo enjoys

One year we went to Tenerife and the security guards burst in on Tommo, Doony, Myself and Julian… hurled abuse at us in Spanish and made us tidy the whole apartment or we were on a plane home. Tommo slept through the lot

I Shared a room with Tommo on Stag Weekend Christ he can Snore, what`s your secret to stopping that Cheryl

Stag Weekend

As you now the Stag Weekend was in Newcastle, I`d like to say a special Thanks to the boys who went and the boys who helped with the organising.
The money is usually the hardest thing to get out of people, but the money came in straight away. Balance transfers cash cheques credit cards all sorts and made organising it a doddle
There are a few highlights of the “Olly P world stag tour”
The day 16 hungover blokes turned up at a bridge to watch it go up and down, hunting through a market for a rubbix cube of all things, then least we forget the exciting open top bus ride!!!
Mike Podds breakdancing
Tommos Stage Dive
Tommo's diet of alcohol and raw eggs!
One of the boys pulling the chain in the toilet of a museum only to find two blokes came charging in because he was in the disabled toilet and pulled the panic cord.
Tommo getting barred from the museum as he had a little pouch.
Our 24hr bar, which didn't open till 12 each day,
The night in the hotel when we played a game of Newcastle Celebrity phone calling
It started about 2am and last drink was served at 5am!!
We managed to annoy innocent people with famous names such as
Jimmy Nail, Ant and Dec, Donna Air, Paul Gascoigne, Bobby Robson, Alan Shearer, Bryan Ferry and many many more ………
The best one though was Paula Radcliffe we rung her pretending to be Steve Cramm to let her know that “we just found half a marathon, under the settee and wondered if she wanted to finish it”
Think we caused a major argument in that relationship especially when her husband rang back an hour later.

Driving

Tommos a bit tense behind the wheel so tense in fact that once driving down the M4 in his Beetle the Steering wheel came off in his hands

He`s also a bit of a Back Seat Driver one night in Bristol Tommo managed to get himself stuck in a Back window of a Car..… feet on the back seat… hands on the roof .… The police managed to free him though luckily and made him breakfast in the morning!!!!!

Cheryl

Cheryl don't think you`ve got away with it either.…

What about the day you bunked off school and missed the bus back home!!!! And got caught by your dad

Chatting up a transvestite called Emily on your Hen weekend

Running drunk into lampposts on your Hen weekend

Now I don`t know Cheryl as well as I know Tommo
but I`ve been sent many stories about her these last couple of weeks
but I cant really use them here today,

so I know I'm going to get in trouble for this but about a week ago Uncle Alan got in touch and asked if he could say a few words to you as a surprise

Thank you for those kind words Uncle Alan

I`d like to Thank Tommo and Cheryl for the opportunity of being best man it`s been hard work but enjoyable all the same, thanks to all the people that have come forward with stories, photos and words of wisdom.

Emma for putting up with me this week and not strangling me, even though shes wanted to daily.

Ceri and Cheryl, Just before I go, Me and Doony would like to know, what colour would you like your Garage door painted.

Finally

Can you All stand and join me in a toast

“To the Bride and Groom”

And lastly
To our wives and lovers . . . may they never meet!