Speech by Sean ( Lisa Holman)

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Sean ( Lisa Holman)
Speech Date: nov 2003
Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls, Honoured Guests, VIPs, OAPs, YOUR MAJESTY (bow to lookalike of the Queen), Mr & Mrs Lee Holman.

For those of you that don't know me PAUSE ‘Lee may wish he didn't after this speech’, PAUSE I'm Sean, Lee's brother and his Best Man today.

I'd like to start traditionally by thanking Lee, on behalf of Jill our beautiful bridesmaid and Katie our lovely young flower girl, for his kind words.

And can I add my own thanks for the great job you have done and say that you both look wonderful today.

On a personal note , I'd like to say to Andrea (Look at Andrea), you look fantastic.

Finally thanks to all of you.

I'd like to thank you all for sharing this special day with Lee and Andrea, especially those of you that have travelled long distances to be here.

Before I move on I have a presentation to make.

You have seen these lovely ladies to my right (right hand gesture) presented with beautiful flowers. PAUSE Well there is one special person who has been left out.

Lee, I think of us as modern men and so I'm sure you won't mind receiving these flowers from me. (Present Lee with 4 pack of Flowers bitter wrapped in purple ribbon).

Now, when Lee asked me to be his Best Man I must admit that I felt honoured & proud. PAUSE Then I realised I would be standing up here today making a speech & the panic set in.

I composed myself & began to do some research.

After an hour or so of surfing the information highway. PAUSE

I logged off ‘Botties & Boobies .com’ & looked for a ‘Help I'm a Best Man’ website.

It was most helpful.

I learned that as Lee's Best Man I should:-

Organise a Stag Do PAUSE

Yes, it was good & for those of you who haven't heard about
the special outfits, take a look in the envelopes on your
tables. PAUSE

Ensure Lee arrived here on time today PAUSE

Well Dad arranged an 8 o'clock tee off time this morning so
that was job done. Well done Dad.

Ensure Lee looked smart today PAUSE

As you can see that was a success.

Make a witty & amusing speech, praising everyone & embarrasing no-one PAUSE

Well, the jury is still out on that.

Ensure that none of Lees old girlfriends were here today PAUSE

To achieve this important task I came up with a master plan PAUSE

I placed a notice in the local paper the'Evening Gazette’ and bearing in mind Lee's position in the Royal Navy, in the ‘Portsmouth News’, the ‘Plymouth Herald’ & the ‘FaslaneTimes’.

The notice announced that Chief Petty Officer Lee Holman was to be married to Andrea Watson and that all people carrying a flame for him should extinguish it immediately.

Imagine my surprise when just yesterday I received a parcel from the ‘Portsmouth News’. PAUSE

I thought you'd like to see what it contained. PAUSE

Thong with note attached – Read note – Lee, good luck, Tiffany.
Pass to Lee.

Granny pants with note attached – Read note – Lee, you're a love,
Doris. Pass to Lee.

Y Fronts – No note – Throw at Lee with a ‘Tut-Tut’ Lee’.

Now, we all know Lee as a valued member of Her Majestys (Bow to Queen lookalike ‘Mam’) Royal Navy.

I thought you'd like to know how he got there.

Well, Lee's teenage ambition was to work in a sweetshop. Now don't mock because ambition & drive is good.

Using this drive Lee progressed from his paper round PAUSE

‘Sorry that should be was sacked from his paper round for sleeping in too much.’

To collecting trolleys after school & at weekends in Safeway's car park.

Well the time came for Lee to decide whether to stay on at school to study or leave & get a job. He was unsure what to do and so went to see Dad for some words of wisdom.

(Look at Dad) I'll quote you here if that's ok Dad.

‘Lee you either stay on at school or join the Navy’.

Well you all know the decision Lee made & I don't even think our great friend Flo's tea leaves could have predicted how successful Lee would be.

(Turn to Lee) Lee you should be proud of what you have achieved in your career & your life so far. I know that I speak for many of these people here today when I say that it's wonderful to have you as a son, a brother, an uncle, a nephew, a son in law, a brother in law or simply as a friend. PAUSE Oh yes and a husband.

Phew I'm glad that bits over.

Now most of you will know that our groom doesn't do things by halves. I remember an early example of this. In our back garden was our Mum & Dads prize tree. It was beautiful, a real sight to behold. During a really windy night one of the branches snapped.
The following day Mum asked Lee to cut off the damaged limb.

Lee set to work with his saw.

After half an hour or so Mum returned from her coffee & chat with Flo to find Lee yelling ‘Timber’ as he cut the whole tree to the ground. PAUSE

(Look at Dad) I don't think that's the version of the story you know though Dad.

Now I know you'll all agree that today has been fantastic. Now that hasn't happened by chance. There has been months of planning and organising put in mainly by our bride & groom themselves. Andrea in particular has worked really hard to make this day so special for us all.

(Raise a glass) Thankyou both. (Applaud).

Now to finish I have a couple of cards to read so please bear with me

(Read 3 genuine cards MAX)

Now I don't know if everyone here knows this but Lee proposed to Andrea in Vegas. Lee & Andrea I have received a special video message from someone you may remember from that famous city.

(Play video).

Seriously though. My final words are for our bride & groom.

Lee, it has been a real honour to be your best man today. I'm proud to be your brother.

Andrea welcome to our family. You deserve a wonderful husband & I know you now have one in Lee.

I hope that the love you share today lasts a lifetime.

On that note ladies & gentlemen it gives me great pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses for the toasts.

Firstly, to the parents of both our bride & groom for doing such a wonderful job raising these two great people.

(Rasie a glass) ‘The Parents’.

And finally to Lee & Andrea.

We wish you eternal happiness for your future together.

Ladies & Gentlemen I give to you.

(Raise a glass) Mr & Mrs Lee Holman.

Thank you.