Speech by Shane

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Shane
Speech Date: 18/03/2018 16:14:32

Shane Opens:

Thank you for the clap, I've spent most of life trying to avoid it.

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen my name is Shane and this is my other half Simon, we are both honoured to stand in front of you today as James's best men.

I would just like to pick up from where James left off and say how lovely all the bridesmaid's look and Freya as Flower girl and Finn looking smart as page boy. You all look fantastic. 

The bridesmaids are only outshone by our gorgeous bride, I am sure you will all agree with Simon and I that Beck's looks stunning and beautiful in her dress. 

Gentlemen, I'm sure you will agree with me that today is a sad day for single men as another beauty leaves the available list. Ladies I'm sure you will agree with me today has passed by without much of a ripple.

I think it's fair to say James you are looking bang tidy, all at money you spent on your new hair was worth every penny.

Anyone at has ever bought a car from James now knows the commission he made was well spent on his ego!

Beck's has worked very hard to make is a special day for the couple so can we please have a round of applause for all Beck's hard work and effort.

Simon

James's only contribution was turning up for the stag do.  

Good afternoon everyone.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Simon and I am the other best man. I would first like to thank you all for coming today and helping to make James and Beck's wedding day such a memorable and special occasion.

I would like to slightly break tradition and start with a toast, if you would all like to raise your glasses, to James (drink) ………may he rest in peace.

There's two people here today that were slightly nervous, apprehensive and maybe sick, one of them was me and the other is Beck's.

During the service I couldn't help thinking it's funny how history repeats itself, it must have been a deja-va moment for Beck's parents June and Brian, as when Beck's was a baby they would send their daughter to bed with a dummy………and it's happening all over again today.

When Shane and I sat down and started writing the speech – we were really struggling to write a speech about a guy that is smart, clever, good looking, generous, funny and….… Sorry James, I can't read your handwriting.

Shane

Simon is right, this was always going to be a difficult challenge and just to add more pressure James has told us if we do a good job we can be best men next time round.  

James was born on the 26th of March 1982 to proud parents Teresa & John. Now, not a lot of people know is – until today – but at the birth there was a bit of confusion, when the nurses checked between the legs they were unsure if the baby should be named James or Janine.

After closer inspection with a magnifying glass it was decided by one vote that the name James should appear on the birth certificate.

I first had the pleasure of meeting James at high school therefore I don't claim to know much about his earlier years as a baby or younger child. I'm sure during this period of his life his parents would change his nappy, give him a bottle, spoon feed him and wipe his nose……..just all the jobs Beck's does for him now.

James and I were in the same form group at high school and it didn't take me long to work out he was a laid back, chilled out all round nice guy. He clearly took pride in his appearance and was always well groomed with his perfectly gelled hair and moisturised face, some might say he was the first metrosexual!

He was a popular lad but never looked out of place when kissing the teachers backside!

Simon

Becks I have to ask, does he still kiss the teacher's backside today?

I've had te pleasure of knowing James for 12 years and we first met at Toyota, right from the beginning James had the X-Factor for selling cars. He was charming, always looked the part in his designer suits and Rolex watches hanging off his arm, looking like butter wouldn't melt. And when he had a sun tan he looked like a young David Dickinson.

It didn't take long for James and I to form a friendship and become very good mates. Over the years we've been on many nights out and James has always been there for me, when I've been drunk he's pushed me out of taxis and I've wandered off into the darkness and usually woken up on a park bench somewhere? On his stag do James had to pull me away from a homeless man I was trying to exchange my wallet for his dog.

James is an excellent salesman and he really did prove is when he met Becks, for anyone at doesn't know James and Becks met when that metrosexual charmer spied another potential victim – Sorry I mean sale.

Becks bought a car and then James sold himself as the free of charge extended warranty.

However, James did break the golden rule of being a professional car salesman and that is when you sell a car to a customer, you are not supposed to service the client afterwards. 

Shane

Social media sites have been inundated with people sending their thoughts and best wishes, so we felt it was only right that we read out a few messages from Facebook and Twitter. 

Simon

It's amazing the amount of support Becks has received at this difficult time.

Dear James,

Thank you for all those weekends lazing by the pool, I hope you have made the right choice.

All my love, Michael Barrymore.

Dear Becks,

It was nice while it lasted, but I guess we'll have to call it a day now you're married.

From Daniel Craig

Dear James & Becks,

Congratulations on your special day, we cannot wait to celebrate with you at our next party.

Best wishes from Eaton Bray Swingers Club

It's definitely called wife swap now James.

Simon

For those of you at don't know, James proposed to Becks on Xmas eve – trust James to ruin Xmas.
Now, Becks and I have talked privately about that experience and she said it made Xmas a nightmare, it was one of those ‘Red sauce, Brown sauce’ moments – do I marry James or keep seeing James Bond?
On top of that dilemma on Boxing day Becks had to take the ring back to Argos!

Luckily Becks said “yes” and today James is gaining a wife, who is beautiful, classy, intelligent and caring. 
Becks you are gaining (Pause) …………….… A new pair of shoes.

Shane and I do apologise for is speech being so long and we thank you all for listening and hopefully not getting to bored. Before we did the toasting we really wanted to give James a good roasting, so without further ado…… Shane you take one end and I'll take the other.

Shane

I've had the privilege of knowing James nearly 25 years and all jokes aside he is genuinely the nicest guy you can meet.

Simon and I both agree apart from being a very good friend James has many qualities which should be admired. He is the hardest working person we know, due to his work commitments it means he doesn't have the work life balance like others do. However I know from experience despite his busy life he always finds the time to help others and never expects anything back in return. Nothing is ever to much trouble for him and I will always be most grateful for the times James has helped saved the day.

Tereasa and John have every reason to be so proud of their son and his achievements, James has the determination and drive to succeed in life and now he starts a new chapter as a married man which I'm sure he will be an excellent husband.

James and Becks’ we all wish you well for the future, and hope you both enjoy a long and happy marriage.
So ladies and gentlemen, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand with us and raise a glass.
To the new Mr and Mrs!