Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Shaun Foxford
Speech Date: 25/06/2012 12:02:33

Good evening everyone

Now Before I start if anyone needs the toilet please feel free to go now – or if all of you could go to the toilet that that would be great

For those of you who don't know me I'm Shaun also known as vertigo Foxford.  I'm grahams brother in-law and I am proudly hear today as his best man.  Now before I take up the customary duty of giving graham a uncomfortable 5 minutes I'd just like to echo what gray said and  say well done to Nicky for all that she has done and getting Emma to the church on time I must say you look beautiful as do Chloe and summer and Mathew your looking very handsome too.

And I'm sure that all the guys in the room will agree with me when I say that TODAY Emma you look absolutely stunning – and yes I'm sure the lady's will also agree that TODAY graham

Well just looks like any other day really!

When graham asked me to be best man I went out and bought a book to look up what my duties should be on the big day, and some of them duties are as follows

1…on the night before the wedding make sure the groom is well looked after and has a good nights sleep…well I am proud to report gray slept like a baby last night ….about 4 and half hours sleep waking every 30 min crying for his mum

2.… help the groom to dress..a tricky one this as you would have thought a man off 33 would be able to dress himself    but after half hour of struggling i think we did quite well

3….bring a medical bag with the following for emergency's  asprin, antacid, deodorant, and lots of valium myself and gray polished them off this morning

I've known graham for a long time now and I can even remember some of it all though.

I'm sure gray is now wishing I hadn't but unfortunately all the bad things graham has done have been so bad I  don't think I should be mentioning them but I will anyway   there's the time he thought he could fight with the Thames valley police force… it took 6 well built officers and 2 cans of cs gas to restrain him …or how he used to sleep with all his sisters jenny's friends   not joking she had to stop bringing them home for tea

Anyway like I said I don't think I should mention them

But there are some things I can tell you about Graham.  He wasn't always this good looking I heard he wasn't a pretty baby in fact his mum didn't suffer from morning sickness until after she gave birth ….but as you can see he's grown up to be a fine specimen of a man” but with not much common sense” I may add.  Once he thought it would be a good idea to ride a motocross bike under the influence of 12 cans of fosters and half a bottle of Bacardi   wearing just flip-flops and shorts as you can imagine it didn't turn out so well Gray's leg somehow came in contact with the back wheel   might have had something to do with the wheelie he was pulling trying to impress the kids on the street

He doesn't seem to have much luck on his holiday either we all went to Prague for a lads weekend away we all got to see a lot of the city and probably to much of the night life well every one apart from graham that is… all he saw was the back of the toilet door as he had a bad case of the trotts the whole time we were there.

When he went to Spain he spent most of his holiday money on insect repellent funny thing is he was the only one who was constantly bitten no matter how much repellent he put on.

And then there was the stag do! Now anyone who knows graham will know that when he gets very drunk he tends to just go off for a wonder. 

Anyway, the 1^st night we were there Emma gets a phone call they've all left me (he's gone for a wonder) and I'm on my own drunk and lost And i need you to help me get back to the hotel . Now considering she was 1205 miles away gray  how she was supposed to do that I don't know. It wasn't until the next day we got a  little minibus to go cliff jumping well every one else went jumping i just sat clinging to a rock looking like a scared welk. Hence the vertigo Foxford.  But after about 7 or 8 minutes into the journey  gray looks out the window and says I recognise this I was here last night seriously  he must have wondered 3 miles  out of Magaluf before realizing his hotel wasn't that way

Day 2

Gray gets washed out to sea on a pedelo had to be rescued buy the life boat

Day 3                                                                                                   

Richard finds Gray asleep in bed wearing his lovely pink frilly knickers and matching dress that we bought him again crying for his mum and   i have a picture thankfully taken before he fell asleep  and without his bits hanging out the side of his thong  show1^st picture 

But 1 thing I will say in Grays defence he was the perfect stag there's nothing that he wouldn't do, in fact there's nothing left that he didn't do so I think a toast to graham is in order for being such a good stag to Graham. 

Now I didn't know graham when he was at school but I have a picture now if you don't all go aaarrrr at this one you don't have a hart show pic 2.

Anyway like I said, I didn't no gray when he was at school so I asked his mum what he was like  and she told me he was an ideal student who excelled in every subject   no sorry that's meant to read he was an idle student who got expelled from every subject. But at school that's where gray found his love of sports and he had a passion for football but we think that died when he started to support arsenal …and on a football note gray told me the other day how he intended to love and nature his marriage the same way he does his beloved football team which he plays for. He says he's going in fully committed and plans to score every week – if he's lucky, get a hatrick.

He says he Likes changing ends at half time

And will play half the session away from home although Emma says that's a sure fine way to get a serious groin injury

Now I believe at this point I'm supposed to give some advice on married life and what lies ahead. Well, firstly

Set down the ground rules and establish who's the boss..and then do everything that Emma tells you to do.

Secondly, never go to bed on an argument its best to stay up all night and argue it through

And finally never be afraid Emma will leave you, she's spent allot of time and effort training you and she's not going to throw that away lightly

Graham also said to me, he's going to be a model citizen, a model husband and a model lover. Now being the naive chap that I am, I looked up the word MODEL in the dictionary and found it to be a small miniature replica of the real thing. Not to sure he used the right word there. but amazingly I actually have a picture of graham being a model citizen and at the same time being a small miniature replica of the real thing   so here he is the sheriff of arbofield  show pic 3

And finally on behalf of the bride and groom, I would like to thank everyone here for sharing there special day, particularly those who have travelled a long way.

Now I have 3 toasts to make…so could you all please stand raise your glasses and join me firstly in a toast to everyone   here today for making this an extra special day.to everyone  secondly a toast to absent family and friends particularly  grahams granddad who unfortunately past away last year gray I'm sure he's looking down and will be very proud of you today so hears to grahams granddad Orbrie Blake.  And finally ladies and gentlemen coz I know gray is dyeing to get to the Bar and bye everyone a drink it gives me immense pleasure to ask you to join me in a toast …to love to laughter to happy ever after the bride and groom   Mr and Mrs Willoughby.