Speech by Simon Adcock

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Simon Adcock
Speech Date: aug 2001
It is an honour to be asked to be a Best Man… as well as terrifying. But Stuart promises me that if I do a good job I can be the Best Man at his next wedding!!

I agreed to be Stuart's best man. And so far I managed to get him to the church on time, which is unusual for him. He also arrived relatively sober, which is a major achievement. And he was also looking very smart, which is absolutely unheard of.

Of course with Stuart being the big lad from Norfolk he wasn't even a bit nervous about today… or so he says. Then perhaps he'd like to explain why I found these in his toilet this morning? (Pull out a bricks from prop box).… Think about it.

So what do we know about Stuart?
Not many people know this but he was very nearly called Thursday, as Dad took one look at him and said to Mum “right maisie, that's it, lets call it a day!!!”.
His teenage to twenty's era can be defined as several years of drinking, throwing up, being blown out by lots of women, more drinking, occasionally getting off with an old dog, more throwing up, more drinking and the odd bar fight which usually meant Stuart cowering round the corner while all his mates got thrown out of the bar, his excuse being he was holding the drinks!!

Turn to STUART
Stuart, you are a lucky groom; you've married Carolyn today and she's beautiful, smart, funny, warm, loving and caring. And she deserves a good husband. So thank God you married her before she found one.
A few pointers for you from the married men here today!!
Just remember, ….now that you are married you can ALWAYS have the last say " YES DEAR "

Never go to bed angry………….always stay up and argue.
Never swear at your wife if there are ladies present.
The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.

LOOK AT CAROLYN
To Carolyn: If you love something, …set it free.
If it comes back, ….it was, ….and always will be,.… yours.
If it never returns, …it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your room, ….messes up your stuff, …..eats your food, …..uses the telephone, …..takes your money, …and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place,……
you either married it or gave birth to it.

Before the final toast I would just like to take this opportunity to share with you my picture of Stuart and Carolyn tomorrow morning after the wedding night.
I expect Stuart will call down to room service in their hotel and order breakfast for them both. For himself he'll order a full english breakfast with all the extras, and for carolyn he'll order just a lettuce leaf and a carrot and nothing else.
Room Service will arrive but the waitress will be puzzled by this request and will probably ask him whether Mrs XXXX might want something more substantial than a lettuce leaf and a carrot. To which Stuart will reply "It's ok I'm conducting an experiment, to see if she eats like a rabbit as well

I better start to sum up now on account of my throat…………..Carolyn looks as though she is ut it!!

I'd like to wish you a very happy marriage, and I hope you have a great honeymoon, which I'm told is that period between ‘I do’ and ‘You'd better’.
I think that one thing Stuart and Carolyn have learned over the last 2 years is that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. Now, I will toast the happy couple, because in all seriousness, I think they were made for each other: May your love be modern enough to survive the times, and old fashioned enough to last forever. To the Bride and Groom's Future Happiness.