Speech by Simon Garnett

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Simon Garnett
Speech Date: aug 2001
On behalf of the bridesmaid Lucy, I'd like to thank Chris for his kind words.

It is my very great honour to be here today as the best man,

I'm glad Chris has finally conceded that I am.

That said, being Best Man is probably the most terrifying ordeal you
could inflict on anyone

– and this isn't the first time today that I have stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand!

Speaking of which, I found this in Chris's toilet earlier (…produce
Brick) Moving swiftly on…

we have a few cards from people who couldn't make it today…

{Cards – read some cards followed by these ‘made up’ ones}

Dear Mr Berry: In response to your enquiry:- There is no such thing as
the married mans beer allowance – there never has been – please stop
wasting our time – that's signed Sheffield Tax Office

To Chris: Don't go neglecting us now your married.

Best of luck from all girls at Athena Sauna and Massage, Abbeydale
Road.

I think we can all say that Kate's outfit is a number one hit,

Chris also looks like a real chart topper.… Although I've no idea which year!

What can I say about Chris?

He's :
· Handsome
· Witty
· Intelligent
· Charming
· Good Looking
· Per… Per… Sorry Chris I'm having trouble reading your writing.
Seriously though Chris, you are all those things and I'm very proud to
be your best man, and very pleased to be your best mate.

We've known each other for a long time and we've been through a lot
together.

That is apart from the women – you went through all those on your own.

As some of you may know, Chris has always been into his music. He seems
to think that he's some kind of guitar superstar.

I was lucky enough to get a copy of one of his old school reports… I
quote:

Music:

He's technically fantastic…… never hits a wrong note………never
makes a mistake

– it's absolutely amazing – all that crap he plays is deliberate!
Before I finish I would like to ask Kate and Chris to Participate in the
speech now.

Kate if I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table . .

Chris, it's now your turn. Place your hand directly on top of Kate's. .
.

Well I hope that Chris is enjoying that as its definitely the last time
he'll ever have the upper hand.

I think you'll all agree that Chris and Kate make a lovely couple.

Kate is pretty,

she's talented

and she's fun.

And Chris, well Chris is very good with computers.

And Now for the toast

As we know………There are two people, who today, we have all taken into our hearts, who mean a whole lot to us, and without them, this day would not have been the success that it has.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please raise your glasses, and join me in a toast, (short pause) The Bar Staff

Ladies and Gents please raise your glasses and join me in a toast to the
happy couple – The Bride and Groom