Speech by simon halstead

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: simon halstead
Speech Date: 26/04/2012 14:38:35

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I hope everyone is enjoying this very special day.

 For those of you who don't know me I’ m Simon. I have been mike's mate for about 2 days now! 

He found my add on the internet website and he hired me, because he hasn't got many friends.

Mike  was born on the 19th April 1965,  which was a Monday, number one in the charts was cliff Richard, with ‘The Minute You , and by sheer coincidence the only other event I found of any importance in this month, was the introduction of free family planning. On the NHS!!!!!!!!!!

As I have not known mike since a child. I had to speak to his sister sally.

To dig up some dirt, but most of it, is not be suitable to say here to day  

So I have chosen a incident which is suitable. This is when he climbed a tree when he was young probably to look at the girls next door. He slipped and fell, landing on a branch which went in to the top of his leg, just missing his bum and this is why mike always walks and dances with a shaken Stevens jive

But Seriously…… When mike asked me to be his Best Man, I was very, honoured. Mike is a great guy  

Which I think we all no, and i am privileged to know him. (You got that tenner mate)

I would like to say a big “thank you” to the bridesmaids April beck's and Charlie for today.… as you will all agree they have done a marvellous job and look fantastic today so I would like invite you all to raise your glasses to the bridesmaids .… The bridesmaids ….… But I am afraid, the girls were outshone .… By the bride who looks stunning.

I have known mike for about 10 years, and we have had some, shall we say interesting times!

There was the time when we decided to get fit; we had this great idea of going swimming.  

On the first time, we walked to the swimming pool, towel under arm with great intensions; we stopped at the road leading. To the pool, and we looked at each other no words needed to be said.

And Within 5 minutes, we were propping the bar up and supping a pint of beer.

But the main claim to fame, we have done goes Back to early 2006 a very drunk mike and sober me of course!  Had a brain waive, of taking our clothes off to raise money for charity.

Not sure if it was mike or me, who had the idea neither of us can remember,

And the jury has always been out!  But by end of the evening we had 5 fellow drinkers on board, and one been the landlord Richard,

Over the next 8 months Every Tuesday night we rehearsed. Our moves and drank loads of beer.

And spoke of how to put Velcro in trousers for quick removal and were the best place to bulk buy baby oil and fake tan.

Now on the night when we did the full Monty, we were in the pub up stairs drinking vast amounts of whiskey and vodka to calm our nervous, and waiting for the room to fill up with woman, all we could here from down stairs was get them off… 

We started the act and all was going well jacket and shirt off Velcro trouser worked and all we had left on were our hats. With our hands in the air facing away from the audience 

But mike. Your hands were some ware else. I will let mike answer you that.

Now, as every one knows mike is a bit of a charmer with the woman, and has had some great chat up lines! Over the years, One been when he first met cath. he had been chatting to her most the evening 

and every thing was going great guns. Time came to go home. Mike not missing the moment, says

Fancy marmite on toast, at mine and well as we no the rest, is history.

It now gives me immense pleasure, not to mention and relief to invite you all to raise your glasses to the new Mr & Mrs Rendall. To Mike and Cath.