Speech by Simon Thrussell

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Simon Thrussell
Speech Date: 06/12/2012 16:28:58

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you are all enjoying what has been a brilliant wedding celebration. Unfortunately every silver lining has a cloud so here I am.

When I told Mark I had finished my speech for today, I immediately had a call from Caroline saying she would like to proof read it. I thought, fair enough. So here is the final version.

(TOAST) To the bride and groom (Sit down)

In all seriousness, I know this day means so much to everyone involved, and I know Mark and Caroline are delighted that you are all here to share their special day.

I know Mark has already touched on this but I also would like to thank the contribution of the parents, ushers and bridesmaids. And who can forget pageboy Adam? 

Steven and Sharon and Lyn and Alan: I know Mark and Caroline really appreciate everything you do for them and what you have done to make this day possible. All 4 of you deserve a massive thank you and Steven, you must been the proudest father in the world today as you walked Caroline down the aisle.

To the three ushers: I know Mark had a huge dilemma when selecting three of his good mates to do the difficult task of directing people to their seats in church. Well done lads.

And girls you all look amazing, only out shone by the beautiful bride. Marri, if you thought organising the hen do was a challenge – you haven't danced with me yet!

And Finally, I come to the Bride and Groom, Mark and Caroline. What more can I say other than Caroline, you look absolutely stunning, and Mark – let's just say, you look adequate.

I cannot thank you enough for giving me the chance to be your Best Man and sharing in your special day. Cheers.

When Mark asked me to be his Best Man, naturally I did have some questions. What had I done to deserve such an honour? Who had dropped out? Was I really the best he could come up with? Then I remembered his other best friend is my fiancée Katie. You should have gone with Katie!! 

Having accepted the role, I'm pretty happy with how things have gone so far (touch wood) and sticking to tradition it seemed only fair that I embarrassed Mark with a couple of Ex –Girlfriend stories from his past – but luckily enough for him he hasn't had any!! 

One of the main things for me as Best man, was to organise a proper send off for Mark.

Now for those of you who know him as well as I do you will know he's not the biggest drinker in the world, so by dressing him up as Bananaman for day at Blackpool Pleasure Beach I'm sure we more than made up for his sobriety – especially with all the photo requests he had from random children around the park. It's just a shame we only managed to win a 5ft donut on one of the stalls and not a giant pink fish which Mark seemed to keep going on about – so here you go Mark. Place it wisely.

Another key role of the best man is to re live some of the stories from the down the years (Pause) and there have been many.

Mark arrived into this world on the 29th February 1980. His early years were spent being a brat to his sister Julie, hiding in the Disney loos because he was scared of the fireworks at the annual display and dropping snooker balls all over the floor at Butlins.

We first got to know each other properly around 10 years ago. He was working at the local Booker Cash and Carry along with a group of my school friends, and let's not forget his Dad Alan. Mark seemed a nice enough guy, although his resemblance to Beaker from the Muppets was quite alarming.

Over the years that followed our friendship grew as we spent many evening and weekends playing and watching football – who can forget that Pepsi Spandex kit he turned up in for a kickabout with his mates.

We travelled up and down the country supporting Reading, from Barnsley where I'm sure Mark is still recovering from the injury I may or may not have caused, to West Brom where an extra time win saw us advance in to the next round of the cup. But nothing can quite compare to the 180 planes we counted on the way to securing promotion at Brentford.

Staying on the topic of football – we were talking the other day, and I pointed out to Mark that you can base your marriage around our favourite sport;

1) Ensure you are fully committed every week.

2) Try your best to score every Saturday.

3) Don't put your tackle in too hard – you may get injured.

Although I am not yet married myself, I thought it only fair that I offer you both a bit of advice for the future. Caroline, the 5 key points you need to remember are;

1) A man will treat you right and always stand by your side.

2) A man will comfort you in times of trouble.

3) A man will shower you with gifts and compliments.

4) A man will please you and grant your every request. 

But, most importantly and finally, make sure Mark does not shave after getting out of the bath. You don't want a naked Santa Claus turning up early for Christmas!

Mark, a few things for you to consider.

Somebody once said marriage is a 50/50 partnership – But anybody who believes that knows nothing about women or fractions.

Never forget those 3 magical words…’You're right Caroline’.

And finally…The best way to remember your anniversary…Forget it once.

Now we all know Mark and Caroline are looking forward to their honeymoon after the stress which comes with planning today's wonderful event but it appears that there is a lot of confusion over where they are going on their honeymoon. I thought, perhaps like many of you, that they were off somewhere warm and sunny like Mexico, Cuba, Jamaica, maybe even the Maldives.

But after speaking to Mark after the service earlier I am now a little unsure. I now think they may be heading towards North Wales. Well, that's what I assumed he meant when he said straight after the wedding, he was going to Bangor for a week. 

On a serious note and joking apart, no speech about Mark would be complete without mentioning his passion for Music. Whether it is his vast CD collection, his knowledge of the industry which has helped us win many a pub quiz or his fantastic piano playing skills. 

Mark has given a large part of his life to music and in particular musical theatre. I'm sure the theatre guests amongst us will agree that he has dedicated many selfless hours to the local theatres near his home. 

His knowledge and experience has gone a long way in helping them produce a string of successful and enjoyable shows down the years and let's not forget that without this passion we would not be here today and I would not have met my future wife to be Katie.

Words cannot express how happy I am that you have finally tied the knot this afternoon. I know, and I am sure everybody else here would agree with me, Mark you could not have made a better choice in Caroline, and Caroline look after him, he's only 8.

So then Ladies and Gentlemen, It gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand one more time and raise your glasses, in a toast to Mark and Caroline. The new Mr & Mrs Beaker. I mean Webb. We wish them well for the future and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.