Speech by Simon Wake

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Simon Wake
Speech Date: Sep2005
Good Afternoon Everybody

Before I start I would like to thank Mark on behalf of the Bridesmaids, Colette, Tina and Alex for his kind words, I think you will agree they look wonderful today and have done a great job.

For those of you who don't know me I'm Simon @ Marks better looking and believe it of not older brother!!!

I have done a bit of research for this speech and read on the internet that the style of my speech should reflect the grooms image and personality so really it should be long, boring and simple!! But to put all your minds at rest it won't be very long, mainly because I have drunk that much wine to calm my nerves, I really need the toilet!!!!!!!

Most of you will agree that Mark is the most laid back person you are ever likely to meet, unflappable, that was until about five to two this afternoon when he turned to me in the church sweating, looking a nice shade of green with a look of fear in his eyes that I have never seen before in a man of his size. Mark is also a man of few words, you have all on getting more than a one word answer out of him at times So I was really proud of him when he managed to say “I do” earlier today. And what about that speech, how can I follow that!!!!

I am obviously honoured to be our little un's Best Man, I will never forget the moment he asked me. He called me on the phone and said can you come over for a suit fitting for the wedding, when I asked why do I need a suit he replied well you're my best Man aren't you!!. A memorable moment shared by two brothers I'm sure you'll all agree.

I have been in constant worry about this speech since that day. I have no knowledge of any previous girlfriends to report, no embarrassing stories of drunkenness as he always stayed at his mates until he sobered up. So when I told Mark how worried I was he said……….… Why do you think I asked you ………you've got nothing on me!!!!!!!! It doesn't have to be funny or embarrassing!! But as it is seen as customary for the best man speech, here's my best shot.

There was a time when I thought I would never be Marks best man at his wedding not to a girl anyway!!! When he started work as an apprentice joiner he got into buying designer clothes, every time he bought something he would hang up the labels, tags and even carrier bags around the bedroom as a shrine to how cool he was….… one day I remember going into the room and he had obviously bought some new pants probably had a two for one on Calvin Kleins in TK Maxx and pinned up all around his bed were the boxes, so for about six months he had pictures of muscular men in their underwear surrounding his bed…very worrying!!

Mark also had an annoying habit of wearing all my clothes when we shared a bedroom. He would wear all his clothes and instead of washing them or putting them in the wash basket, he would stuff them under his bed, dirty pants, smelly socks, mucky footy kit the lot. So when he had nothing clean left he would move on to my clothes. I had to draw the line when I realised he was wearing my underwear so I put a padlock on my cupboard. I hoped this was a habit he had got over now he is living with Sarah, but I think I saw a glimpse of a pink thong when he bent down to tie his shoelace earlier today!!! Not a pretty site!!!

Other interesting facts about Mark you may not know are
He was School Record holder for the Javelin and understandably High Jump.

He used to play the trumpet….Badly, think he lasted about a month his excuse was that his lips were the wrong shape!!!!

Within 20 minutes of driving his first car he reversed it straight into a metal gate doing a three point turn, and dad wanted me to remind you that you still owe him for the repair work!!

For the stag night, we went for three days in Prague, 10 lads abroad….70p a pint and all the strip bars you can handle. Now this was going to be my main source of embarrassment funny stories and ridicule, however, Mark has just pointed out to me that the “law of the stag” prevents me from repeating anything that went on over there. He would also like to get through the honeymoon trouble free!!! ….… So I will honour his wishes for now, but if anyone wants to hear what happened if you buy me a drink or two later and I'll fill you in!!!

To close with today I asked Sarah why the hell she is marrying Mark and how they got together.

Here is the story, it writes itself…….Sarah first saw Mark when he was out with the lads in Club WOW they just said a few words on that first meeting surprisingly! Sarah then made a point of chatting to him a couple of times after that on a few chance meetings and then on one drunken night “made it known to the world” that she fancied him, the next time they met, Sarah, being a modern woman made the first move and grabbed his bum, he turned around and shared their first kiss.

Following that night Sarah again made the next move and rang Mark to ask him out… clearly we wouldn't be here today if she waited for him to call!! They went to the pictures by the way Sarah drove and picked him up and what film did he take her to see…….the highly romantic Fight Club!!! Following the film Mark took Sarah as you would expect for a meal….… they went to KFC picked up a bargain bucket and eat it in the car in the car park. In Sarah own words “he really pulled out the stops”

Being here today just goes to show that something happened on that first date, some girls would have walked away following that, but not Sarah she obviously saw past the unromantic cheapskate of a brother I have and eventually found true love.

I asked Mark what he thought about Sarah during the early days of their relationship, he said he found being stalked by an older woman with her own car a big turn on!!

When I asked why she loves him Sarah said his best qualities are that he is thoughtful, loving, easy going, handsome don't make me laugh…he looks like a bigger version of Wayne Rooney with no eyes!! and finally he is the best dad in the world………there's gratitude for you Bill, you spent all this time and money making today perfect for your only daughter and you still come in second to our little un!!

On a more serious note I would just like to say It has been an honour to be your best man on this special day, I am proud of you for so many things, proud to have you as my brother, proud of you as a dad to Dylan and proud that you are a husband to someone as lovely as Sarah. I am sure you are a perfect match and will have a wonderful married life.

I am sure everyone here will join me in a toast to you both wishing you all the happiness in the future. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr and Mrs Wake…… to Mark and Sarah.