Speech by Spencer Mathews
Good afternoon Many thanks for your excellent website. It was only through this site that I was able to compile my speech for the big day. I am delighted to say that everyone thought it fantastic and I was congratulated by both the Bride and Grooms father on a great effort. As you can see from the speech, nearly all was hand-picked from various peoples earlier efforts! Thanks again, keep up the good work. Regards, Spencer Matthews
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Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Spencer Mathews
Speech Date: Mar 2002
Hi my name is Spencer and I'm an alcoholic………..Ooops, sorry that's Monday nights……!!!
*Pick up speech*
Good afternoon Ladies & Gentleman.
For those of you who don't know me, my name is ‘Spencer what are you drinking?’ So if you see me later don't hesitate to call me by my name.
Before I begin, on behalf of the bridesmaids I'd like to thank Jon for his kind words, and I might just add that his thanks are fully justified because they have done an incredible job and look great. Indeed, they are only eclipsed by Jo herself who I'm sure you'll agree looks absolutely stunning today.
When Jon asked me to be his best man I was well chuffed. They say that being a best man is like being asked to make love to the Queen Mother – it's a great honour but nobody really wants to do it.
Well I HAVE been looking forward to it……….… but she's up in Balmoral this weekend, so here I am instead.
I've already congratulated Jon on the nuptials. I said to him "Jon, you know you'll always look back on today as the happiest day of your life."
That was yesterday.
While on the subject of congratulations, I'd like to read out a few cards.
Read out cards
Alternative Cards
• Jo, I'll miss those late nights together, I'm sorry you never
picked me. Brad Pitt
• Jon, I'll miss those Saturday nights at the Wine Bar. Julian Clary.
• My place, 10 o'clock – HRH The Queen Mother (whoops that one's for me)
Jon and I go back a long time, 14 years to be exact – So what can I tell you about him?
He has been a good friend to me over the years, one of those mates you keep through thick & thin no matter how your lives change.
In fact, I've known Jon since we were children and believe me ladies and gentleman, he hasn't always been the tanned, dark eyed Adonis we see here today.
Apparently when he was born he was so ugly, the midwife slapped his parents….…
School
At school, as a young boy he showed many traits which he still possesses now – looking up girls skirts, and unable to play football.…
Indeed the coach of the school football team once described him as ‘crap in every position’ – we all wish you better luck on the honeymoon, Jo…..…
Now, for those of you that don't know Jon well, you may be surprised to find that inside this tough, rugged exterior beats the heart of…………a big girls blouse.
Picture the scene, Bournemouth – sometime in the early nineties. Jon and 3 other mates are on a lads holiday. Drinking, women, nightclubs and Max Factor.
It has been said that that every night this testosterone filled 4-some was kept waiting by Jon, applying some last minute foundation to mask the blemishes of adolescence.
Jon has always been ahead of the times as well, every time I met up with him he would seem to have a new catchphrase. Do …..…
“Put a pep in your step” and “Can I ponce a bifta” ring any bells anyone?
Whilst everyone was enjoying the “Stone Roses” and “The Happy Mondays” in the early 90’s, Jon's music taste was slightly more discerning. A couple of Jon's favourites being Hue and Cry and Roachford. Cuddly toy anyone?
However, his mistakes are behind him. Here he is today marrying Jo…..… for Jon it must be like winning the lottery. Poor Jo on the other hand, is just getting the Thunderball.
There are not many best men who can describe the bride as a true friend, as well as the groom, but I'm lucky in that I can do exactly that. It is an honour, albeit the most terrifying experience of my life, to be asked to be best man here today.
On behalf of the bride and groom, I'd like to thank everyone here for sharing their day, particularly those who have travelled long distances. Mr and Mrs Hickey, a nicer more perfectly suited couple you could not wish to meet, and I wish them all the happiness in their future together. May your love be modern enough to survive the times and old fashioned enough to last forever.
We wish them well for the future, and hope they enjoy a long, happy, and fruitful life together.
I give you the "The Bride & Groom."
