Speech by Steve Boughton

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Steve Boughton
Speech Date: oct 2003

Good afternoon, for any one who does not know me am the best man and my name is Steve or as I am better known Bounce. The reason for this name won't go into as it possibly not as interesting as you may think, and it is not at all sordid.

First if I may I will do the traditional part of the best man speech and that is to thank Tristen on behalf of the bridesmaids for his kind words, and I think you will all agree Maekela, Amy and Lucy have all done a tremendous job of helping Kelly this morning. Although the tactics used in getting Kelly to the church were a bit over the top dragging her down the road to the church kicking and screaming. And the use of handcuffs was questionable.

But at the end of the day I am sure they have surprised you all by turning up on time not something the are well known for.

I have known Tristen for some time now and I feel he has played a valuable part in my life certainly helping to develop my sense of humour so I would like to say if you feel this speech is crap it is in fact Tristen fault!

I read somewhere whilst reading up on best man speeches a phrase that sums up the whole task of being a best man very well, it read being asked to be the best man at a wedding is like being asked to snog the queen, a great honour but does in fact make you feel quite sick! I feel much the same at the moment and I must thank Tristen for putting me through this.

I was surprised when Tristen asked me to be his best man. But on reflection it was a very logical thing for him to do; I have known him for only 11 years now with Tristen being 36 that leaves 25 years unaccounted for. Prime years where we men tend to do our most embarrassing things. Things usually involving school discos, first dates and often ladies underwear. Despite this Tristen has in the 11 years I have known him has given me no end of ammunition for occasions such as this. But out of respect for the bride and groom I have decided not to mention any of this to you. But with very littlie alcohol I can be persuaded to reveal all.

Now as I said I have done a lot of reading up on what a best man is supposed to say whilst standing in front of you probable looking and certainly feeling like a rabbit caught in car headlights. I have to say most of these books were no help at all most said its easy just stand up and be funny!! Oh and if at all possible demolish the groom's character.

Now as I say I have only know Tris 11 years so I have had to talk to people who have known him best his mum now I could go into the things she told me like the fact that Tristen was not the best looking baby in the hospital due to this her morning sickness started after the birth, or for the same reason she would tie an old bone round his neck just so the dog would play with him. But I think this would be unfair to poor Tristen.

I carried on reading till my girlfriend Fiona found me a book which mentioned old school reports great idea, and I have managed to find one. Very briefly it reads “Tristen is an ideal pupil who excels in most subjects” oh I'm sorry I may have read that wrong. “Tristen is an idle pupil who should be expelled from most subjects” sorry Tris.

Now before I toast the happy couple I would just like to read two passage one for each of you, good word of wisdom I thought. First to Kelly

If you love something set it free, if it comes back, it was and always will be yours, if it never returns it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in the lounge and messes up your stuff, eat your food, uses your phone, takes your money, and never act as if you set it free in the first place you either married it or gave birth to it.

And too Tristen

The key to a long and happy marriage is knowing when to use those three little words “you're right dear” I would like to wish you a happy marriage and hope you have a great honey moon just so you know the honeymoon is the part between “I do” and you'd better”

Well at last my speech is done all that is left for me to do is toast the happy couple so if you could join me in wishing the new Mr and Mrs Tristen and Kelly hinds all the luck and love in the world. So if you could all be upstanding and raise your glasses to the bride and groom…………………