Speech by Steve Gage

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Steve Gage
Speech Date: Aug 2001
Good afternoon everyone!! For those of you who don't already know, I am the best man. My name is Steve Can I buy you a drink, so if you see me around tonight, don't be afraid to call me by name.

First of all, I want to say a little bitabout being the best man The title“best man” says a bit too much doesn't it? The way I see it, if I am the best man, what the hell is Megan doingwith Luke? So, I think I will be happyjust saying that I'm a pretty good man, .… And Luke can be the best mantonight.

Actually, being the best man is an awesome responsibility,and one that I
don't take lightly. Idid a lot of research to make sure that I wouldn't be forgetting anything, and came up with a checklist of what my duties should be.

BRING OUT LIST

Before I get to the list though, I want to share a littlemore about what I
found in my research. I read a book that stated that there are three key
elements to asuccessful wedding day. They are as follows:

The Aisle – The longest walk you'll ever take.
The Altar – The place where two become one.
The Hymn – The celebration of the marriage.

I think Megan must have read the same book, because aftertaking the vows
earlier today, I'm pretty sure I heard her mumbling those samethree things. – – – Aisle Altar Hymn, Aisle Altar Hymn…………No, Just kidding of course.

Ok, now back to the checklist. This checklist that I came up with included each of the following.

I need to ensure that the groom:

usesthe toilet before walking down the aisle
shoesare tied
makesure his face is washed, and his hair is combed
makesure there is nothing between his teeth
makesure his fly is up (now this is the point where I started to wonder if
his mother would have been a better candidate than me.
And finally, make aspeech at the wedding reception, so here goes.

Ok, to start, I would like Megan and Lucas to give me a hand an participate for just a minute in my speech, don't worry now guys, you don'thave to get up – and it shouldn't hurt………much.
Megan, I would like you to place your right hand on thetable, …yeah, flat on the table just like that. Now Luke, I want you to place your right hand right there on topof Megan's. Ok now, are you enjoying that Lucas? Good, now cherish thismoment; because it is the last time that you will have the upper hand.

I promise not to talk to much longer because of my throat,if I go on too
long, Megan has threatened to cut it! But I have one story thatI would like to share with you.

This is a story that Luke and I vowed never to speak ofagain, simply because it is equally embarrassing for both of us, but since thesilence was broken about three weeks ago while chatting with Luke's mom, I thought why not right?

Well, this story took place about 4-5 years ago on a church retreat to the
boundary waters near Ely, MN. Before we set out canoeing, we were in a sense debriefed aboutthe bear situation in the canoe area. It was a little video that the outfitter showed us that left everyone inthe group a little, well, to say the least, we were a little frightened, and itleft us second guessing why we ever decided to come on the trip. Now, to jump ahead a little bit, it was ourlast night out on the lakes. All week we had been taking the proper bear precautions, or so we thought, likesuspending our food from a tree branch, and changing our clothes immediately after cooking, so, well I suppose we would look less like a giant T-Bone to a bear.

All was well until we decided to go to bed. Luke and I had beensitting up later than the rest of the group, enjoying the north woods for onelast night. It was getting late, and we decided that we had better get some sleep. Before crawling in the tent, we thought it would be a good idea to relieve ourselves before getting tucked into our sleeping bags, because doing so in the dark when nobody is there to hold a light for you can be somewhat of a problem. I decided to go first. Now, I want to give you a bit of a mentalpicture……..c'mon now, of the situation, not of me relieving myself. Here I am, my hiking boots untied, Lucasholding the light for me, with his boots untied, and both of us in pajamas –you know, loose clothing.

Right in themiddle of…..well, you all know what I was in the middle of doing,….I hear thiscrackling and rustling in the bushes behind me – I instantly stopped…….I didn'thave to go anymore….In fact, hindsight tells me that I didn't continue with myjob until long after I had reached to safe bear-free surrounds of home. Anyway, when I heard this crackling, I started to run while trying to get my sweat pants back up, and I lost both ofmy boots.

After sitting in fear for awhile, it came to Luke's turn. I held the light for him, and lucky for him, he got to finish, but right when he waspulling his pants back up, we hear the same things in the bushes again. Much to my relief, he did not show any morebravery than I
had…..he started running and lost one of his boots as we bothdove into the
tent. Luckily, when we got into the tent, Pastor Gary Benson, who preformed such a lovely servicetoday was our chaperone, had bravely, and unknowingly taken position by one of the doors of the tent, but the fourth man in the tent, nick, was sleeping next to him. So Luke and I, the brave souls that we are pushed nick next to the other door of the tent and took position in the middle – away from the doors. Onceagain, as I am thinking about this, I'm not really sure why it was such aconcern for us to sleep in the middle, was a bear actually going to come up tothe tent and look for a zipper? I don't think so.

Luke and I have had somereally good times together, and have come a long way! Back to the days in high school when you would harass Megan……or was is the other way around? I remember you picking on her about
her relentlessly when she was on crutches, but on the other hand, I remember you making friends go with you to dump your lunch trays to avoid Megan and her entourage of stalkers…..aka, bridesmaids.

It has really been an honor to be Lucas’ best man because tome, Luke is one of the best men that I know. He is truly a quality individual –someone who has always been there for me, and I know will always be there inthe future, and it goes without saying, he is a great friend and a lifelongconfidant. I began planning this speechabout a month ago, and I'm sure you all must feel that I have been deliveringit equally as long, so I have a few toasts, and we will wrap this thing up, andget this party started!

On behalf of the bride and groom I would like to thankeveryone here for
sharing their day, particularly those who have traveled longdistances. I now have three toasts

Could you all please stand now and join me in a toast tothank to bride and
grooms parents for this special day – this toast is to theparents!

I'd like everyone to remain standing for a toast to all those people
whocouldn't be here today to celebrate with us – this toast to absent
friends!

And finally, my toast to the bride and groom,

May your love be modern enough to survive the times, and oldfashioned enough
to last forever.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in lifeappear much larger
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you posses
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the finalgoodbyes.

Here's to love, laughter,
And happily ever after
As Lucas and Megan start their new life
Lets all toast to the new husband and wife!