Speech by Steve Mannion

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Steve Mannion
Speech Date: Jul 2002
Intro

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen…….…

For those of you who don't know me…I am S…P's 2nd eldest brother………..the good looking one…keeper of the family hair.

I'd like to start by welcoming you all…… to this….… P and J’ special day,I know how much it means…… to both of them….… to see so many of their family and friends have made the journey here today….… and I am sure you'll agree ..… this is a fantastic setting for a wedding.

On behalf of the bridesmaids…….J…..and….S… I'd like to thank P for his kind words and gifts……

Telegrams / Cards
OK, on to the cards. We have received some messages from people who unfortunately couldn't be with us today.

Read messages……………….…

Best Man Duties
It's has been said….… that doing a best man's speech…… is like being asked to make love to the Queen, ………it is.… a great honour..… but nobody wants to do it.

However……..I have taken my duties very seriously..… a few of which have been…..• to make sure Paul got here on time,…..… which he did, • that he was well dressed and looking smart,…..- which I'm sure you will agree ……even though he copied my outfit…… he is,• and …..that he got a good nights sleep last night,…….I'm pleased to report…..… he slept like a baby….- he wet his bed twice….… and woke up every half hour crying for his mummy.

Background

P…… was born on the 7th July 1971….… the youngest of four..…

The same year…….incidentally…… as, such legends…….as• Gary Barlow……same build as Paul….• Stan Collymore……..same haircut…….• and Ewan McGregor……….- which…my wife… F.… informs me.… ……….P looks……nothing like………it was also the year of decimalisation.. and….when Philips …..-introduced the 1st Video Recorder ……… which reminds me…..…

The other day…… I heard that…… an aerial.… and a satellite dish got married………The ceremony was rubbish….… but the reception was fantastic………..…

Sincere Bit

When I was preparing to dish the dirt on P….… I realised…………that I had no dirt to dish…… and my dish….… was…… infact …..dirt less …..…

And so ….I e mailed my elder brother A…… who racked his brain….… and came up with this gem…I quote….…

“The only dirt I remember……… is a little too literal. When Grandma was changing P as a baby…… and he did a green..… long range squirty poo!

Thanks for that contribution A…………………………………

Talking of Poo…that is my sister … J's…… pet name for P…J has flown in from Sydney, Australia to be here today…..…

Now Poo…here.… and J have always been very close..… in fact…………..but for a couple of reasons she would have been best man today.

When I asked her… for a contribution she wrote……….”Do you know,……..… I can't think of one horrid thing to tell you about Paul..…

……….perhaps it's because we are all that much older than him…….”

Sincere Bit (Continued)

Like all kids..… we had our arguments,….… mostly me and A and…well…….me and J……..actually.

But P was..… and is..… our baby brother… and we all looked after him.…

actually he was really cute………… he always had his little red wellies on …..and was permanently sucking on an old handkerchief……which P called his Kai

now……… long before J…… this was P's first love…… it could not be washed….… under ……any circumstances,……..… it absolutely stunk.

P…….I have a small surprise for you now………and I mean small

Mum has been climbing around in the loft and …..…

Dig in bag and bring out wellies…………

I know you are wondering what happened to Kai………….well,..… one day …..when you were at college. Mum captured it…… and donated it for germ warfare research

But for this special occasion……… ……

Dig in bag and bring out moving Hazardous material bag…………

Seems pleased to see you……..…

Speaking of childhoods…….The other day I spoke to D…… J's Dad ….About..… his memories of J… as a little girl……….… he said he couldn't’t believe how fast the years have gone by…… since J was running around with a dummy……….No change there then eh Just ??????????

Generosity

For any of you…… who have ever had the pleasure of being entertained by P and J ……..you will know that they are…….extremely generous hosts, .… in every way,…… nothing…… is too much trouble.…

From the moment you arrive…… they are on a mission…… to get you either……..very drunk…..… or so stuffed full of excellent food..… that you can't move,

In my case it's usually both ………

J is an excellent cook…… and I have told her….… that she and P should open a guest house………… if the bottom ever falls out of the meat and 2 veg market.

P has not changed a bit since he has met J…..… apart from losing his hair …..putting 3 stone on….… and becoming a wino……..sorry a wine connoisseur..…

Incidentally P, … women are like a fine wine,…….…

they start out fresh,….… fruity…… and intoxicating….… and then turn full bodied..… with age ……..until they go all sour and vinegary,……….and….eventually give you a head ache.

Birthdays

As some of you will know….… tomorrow.… is P's 31st birthday.

It's also my daughter .… R's…… 13th birthday..… today ….… (that's P and J's niece in case you haven't worked it out….… )

mustn't forget…… it is also our cousin E's birthday ……anybody else ?????

I think a quick chorus of happy birthday is in order for R E and P.…

Happy Birthday…………..…

As you will see…… there are a few disposable camera's on the tables…….please snap anyone……or anything that takes your fancy during the course of the day…the best picture wins P's Kai

When you have used up all the shots ……please bring the camera's back to me,……..… and it should make a nice memento of the day for P and J….…

The Toast

P ………you have been a great brother to me… A… and J …over the years, you are one of the kindest,… sincere,… generous… and unselfish people.… I have ever known,… and it is genuinely..… a great honour to be your best man.… today.

And so..… ladies and gentlemen,..… my last task… before I can really enjoy a drink… is to propose a toast,.… so if you would be upstanding.

I give you the new Mr and Mrs M……P and J.