Speech by Steve Mitchell

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Steve Mitchell
Speech Date: oct 2003
Firstly on behalf of the bridesmaids, Ella, Mia and Olli and our usher Glen,
I'd like to thank Jamie for his kind words. I'd also like to add my own
thanks to Glen for all of his help in organising the Stag-Do and for helping
me hunt down and destroy any evidence, it really was a "belting" weekend!
A wise man once told me that a best man's speech should last only as long as
it takes the groom to make love…I thank you.
[SIT DOWN]
Only Joking!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, friends, relatives, hangers on, and
hotel staff, for those of you who do not know me, I'm Steve.James’ brother
and best man.. I've been told a best man's speech should be like a
mini-skirt: short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the
bare essentials.
First of all let me clarify something for the many confused faces I saw
during the ceremony, the Groom's actual name is James Alan Robert Mitchell.
I know some of you thought you were coming here today to see Strawberry get
married but I can assure you they are one in the same person. Other
nicknames we have had for him over the years include Lloyd, Chool, rain man,
Jimpy Skritch and the real Craig Palmer.. but to most of us he is
affectionately known as strawberry or strawbs.
But lets not forget Tracey or should I say Clanger or the Galloping
Hairpin!!

During the service today, I couldn't help thinking that it's funny how
history repeats itself. I mean (cough!) odd years ago Tracey's family were
sending her to bed with a dummy.and it's happening again today.

So now the best bit of my day – onto Strawberry!! [RUBS
HANDS]

Strawbs was born on January the 25th 1974 at home – IN A PUB! I see a few of
you are already putting 2 and 2 together there!
He was very accident-prone child with a particular talent for head injuries
that would have most parents investigated these days! His
piece-de-resistance was going headfirst though the glass front door of one
of our neighbour's houses!
Despite this he was happy-go-lucky child but all was not as it seemed, as he
got older it became obvious that we had a medical anomaly on our hands. His
body grew at a normal rate but his legs have always retained the look of a
chubby legged, knee-less toddler!

Fortunately he overcame this affliction and became a very promising
footballer although obviously a place between the sticks was his only
option.
Distraught at not making the grade as a professional he became a Colchester
United groupie and often knew more about the goings on at the club than his
friends who had made the grade.
It seems now that his football days are nearly over and he has turned his
eye to golf, its still early days though and so far the only balls he has
hit were when he trod on a rake!!

As many of you will know Strawbs is a top man to have with you on a night
out and he will always provide endless entertainment, be it intentional or
not! But the fun comes at a price, sometimes quite literally!

You can guarantee that when your taxi turns up he will just be getting in
the shower and the fiver you were going to pay will become fifteen with the
waiting charge.
But that's not all, when he has got himself into a state of drunkenness that
he deems is "enough" he will happily go into autopilot mode and goes home
without telling anybody, regardless of whether this leaves anybody in the
lurch! I think Tracey and the entire stag-do party can back me up on this
one!!!

I tried to get in touch with some of his ex girlfriends to see if any of
them would like to send a message to wish him all the best, but since the
outbreak of foot and mouth, most have been quarantined or shot and burned.

Following on from that I would like to say a few words about my new sister –
Tracey!

It was obvious, even from a very early stage, that my brother had hit the
jackpot with Tracey! Not only has he found a woman that shares his demented
sense of humour but also a person that has the same disinterest in the
function of clocks!

Now finally, on behalf of the bride and groom, I'd like to thank everyone
here for sharing Tracey and Jamie's special day, particularly those who have
travelled long distances and I'd like to personally thank them both for
choosing me as best man today. It has been a great pleasure and honour, and
a big thanks to Jamie who's been not only a great brother but also my best
friend for all these years..

It gives me immense pleasure (not to mention relief) to invite you all to
stand and raise your glasses in a toast to the New Mr & Mrs Mitchell.

You don't marry the person you can live with, you marry the person you
cannot live without!

The Bride and Groom!!!!