Speech by Steve Murphy

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Steve Murphy
Speech Date: Mar 2002
Ladies and Gentleman – for those of you who don't know me my names Steve and I'm Jonathans brother in law and his best man for today.

Firstly I'd just like to reiterate what Jonathans already said and thank Annette and Leanne aswel for all the hard work they've put in to today- and I hope everyone's really going to enjoy themselves – I can see a few strange faces in here to day and I know that many of you have travelled some distance- especially some of Jonathans family who have travelled all the way down from London to be here today- it just amazes me how far some people will go to get a free meal but it is really great to see you all here today.

I'd also personally like to thank Leanne for not choosing an international rugby weekend for the wedding as the bar with the telly is lot smaller downstairs and its these little details that can make or break a good wedding in S Wales.

Now traditionally one of the roles of the best man is to respond to the groom on behalf of the bridesmaids and even though you decided to get married au natural or without bridesmaids I'd still like to respond on behalf of my daughters Bronwyn and Bethan and Nathalie aswel all three of which are looking stunning today: ——————————– that's it really as none of them are talking to you anymore and as I've had to put up with it from my two for the last few weeks I don't see why you should be spared either.

Only joking of course the other tradition of course of the best man is to try and humiliate and embarrass the groom but because Jonathan is well capable of managing this particular feat himself I thought we'd break with tradition here and not do the embarrassing thing and I'd let you know what a kind , caring and thoughtful young man Jonathan is – but after hours of trying – the speech still only said – Jonathan is a kind caring young man – so I thought we'd revert plan A – Some of the old traditions are still the best

I've known Jonathan for about twenty years and Leanne for about 10 – the length of your engagement actually – but for those of you who didn't know Jonathan in the early years I asked his mother Anne if she had some photos of Jonathan that I could show you all – luckily she said she had one of him lying on the sheepskin rug with no clothes on – chocolate all over his little face and dribbling like a little puppy – I thought – this is the one I want to start us off with -But we've had trouble developing it as it was only taken last Wednesday and apparently Boots the Chemist don't deal with this type of photography so I've had to make do with two of these.

PHOTOS

Now this is a photo of a young Jonathan already to tackle the world on his first day in the big comprehensive school – Jonathan has always been a slave to fashion and even at this young age we can see in this area by here – the beginning of the hairstyle that he was to make his own in later life (point to bald patch)

Fashion and hair were always a big part of the young Jonathan Brain story – ——-In his native Hengoed he was fast growing up and rapidly becoming something of a style guru and cultural icon and in the late eighties when Kevin Keegan was the height of fashion in England- we in S Wales looked up to a man sporting this haircut SHIRLEY PHOTO – No- sorry that's actually Shirley Temple.

HAIR PHOTO This is the style that sent the women wild in those days

(Check Photos- Yes that's definitely Jonathan.)

I didn't know Jonathan at school, being just slightly older than him, but I've been told by his mother that he was an ideal pupil and excelled in all his lessons. Although his father was quick to point out that actually he was an idle pupil and expelled from his lessons. None the less after leaving school he worked with his father for many years and this is where he learnt his trade – eventually he graduated from cars to work for British Airways in Roose where now he works on very very very big cars with wings.

Over the last 7 years or so the four of us that's me Jonathan Leanne and my wife Amanda have become very close friends regularly sleeping together in John and Anne's Caravan in Newquay in West Wales where long nights have been spent in serious discussion about life on other planets- my personal favourites- do yetis really exist and the most heated philosophical debate of all – whose attacking the dishes mountain in the morning.

Now during these weekends we have become all too aware and quite frankly terrified of Jonathans new found hobby as an amateur buttock exposer which in fact he has perfected to a fine art- and will probably give a demonstration of sometime later tonight – Leanne too has surprised us with her strong religious beliefs- regularly disappearing at 3 in the morning to talk to God on the great white phone.

A lot of time we spend together in West Wales we spend surfing in the wild seas at Mwnt and Tresaith and over the years we have bought a hell of a lot of equipment – boards / wetsuits and snorkels – but on one particular occasion we were in a surf shop in Aberystwyth – Jonathan was looking for even more cool and radical gear – this time it was fins- flippers to those of you who don't get your feet wet – he picked the most expensive pair in the shop and walked up and down the aisles strutting his stuff as if he'd been born on Bondai beech in Australia when in the corner of the shop we noticed this gorgeous blonde girl watching him – I think Jonathan realised this as we noticed the little swagger in Jonathans walk was getting more exaggerated and the beer belly he'd walked into the shop with had miraculously disappeared – This carried on for two or three minutes Jonathan flipping his flippers – and holding his belly in until eventually the gorgeous blonde babe walked up to Jonathan and stared – she then uttered the immortal line — you got them flippers on upside down butty.

We didn't have any waves that day but we didn't half have a laugh

Besides the Mickey taking – I better get a bit serious here and say that Jonathan is a seriously good bloke and a kinder man you couldn't hope to meet.

When I lost my job in British Coal a few years ago he was there for us – I nearly drowned in Newquay- coming home drunk from the pub with him once – but again he was there to pull me back to shore – and even when we went on our first holiday with Jonathan and Leanne and I locked the crook lock on the car steering wheel the realised I didn't have the key – he was there to help- in fact come to think of it- you're a bit of a bloody jinx mate.

Over the years he's been not only a brother in law but a good friend to both me and his sister – and has treated our kids like they were his own
And they both love seeing him and Leanne.

Well now Jonathan has decided to get married to Leanne for better or for worse – which is quite ironic when you come to think of it cause Jonathan couldn't have done any better and Leanne couldn't have done any better either.

Jonathan I'd just like to say that in Leanne you have found someone- attractive- great fun to be with – sincere – and hard working and Leanne you have found in Jonathan someone who is really good with computers.

Its been said many times before that being someone's best man is a bit like going to bed with the queen Mother- — it's a great honour but no one really wants to do it and that's absolutely true for someone like me who doesn't enjoy public speaking so I thought perhaps it would be a bit of fun if I asked a few of the guests to stand up and say a couple of kind words about- Leanne and Jonathan – and when I say fun- I mean fun for me not for you – so that's what I'm going to do– one from Leanne's family – one from Jonathans family and one mystery guest that I'm going to point to at random ——— and just to point out that staring at your plates or talking to your next door partner aint gonna save anyone- If your numbers up your numbers up.

From Jonathans side – Anne Brain
Thanks very much Anne that was nearly sincere
From Leanne's side —- Annette
Thanks very much well done—now finally the mystery guest—- Ian

Well I'd like to thank those of you who did get up because it is nerve wracking as I can testify and everyone else well you can relax again.

Finally ladies and Gentlemen if you would be upstanding for a toast to Jonathan and Leanne – may they both grow old on the same pillow

Ladies and Gentleman: Leanne and Jonathan — the bride and groom.