Speech by Steve Pocock

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Steve Pocock
Speech Date: Aug 2009
Fornication.. excuse me – for an occasion like this it my honour to welcome you to the Eden Project. I think this must be the only conservatory with its own ecosystem.

I was delighted to accept Marks offer to be his best man, of course, had I realised at the time it meant wearing a skirt for a day, I may have had second thoughts! Still luckily with my chiseled good looks and fine physique I pull it of well.. Imagine if I was short fat and bald, then I'd just look silly!

But seriously being a Best man is a bit like making love to Heather Mills-McCartney, get it wrong and you'll be paying for the rest of your life.

I have to be honest in say that I've been a bit nervous about doing a speech and it's not too much of an exaggeration to say that when I started worrying about this speech I had a full head of hair, the only consolation I have is it looks as though Mark has been worrying about the speech more than me.

So it's a real honour to be Best Man, but I wanted to make it as easy for myself as possible so I thought what do I go for inspiration, so I thought ”The Internet” and after a few hours of searching I found some really good stuff, then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for a best man speech!

Mark was born on 4th April 1958 and I tried to link this to some major world event but appears nothing else happened that day. Although there are still some hospital staff that refer to that day as ”ugly Wednesday”. By the way, I know there has always been some confusion about Mark's real dad. I've been doing some research and have found a positive match. {Show pic of him and Stan Laurel}

Unfortunately Mark was a slow starter at nursery school he was different from the rest of the 5 year olds in his class.. he was 11.

I've really struggled with this speech, the best man is supposed to dish the dirt on the groom but Mark appears to be squeaky clean, I've found no gossip at all about him. Diana on the other hand is a whole other story, loads of gossip there but today I'm just supposed to say how stunning she looks in a mother-in-law sort of way, and I think you'll agree she does. Mark, you look pretty good too although I can't believe you copied my outfit.

So instead I've made a list of the things I've grown to admire about Mark in the 12 years I've known him. For example:

. his love of wearing climbing boots and thick socks with shorts.. all year round!

. one of the things Mark is most famous for is his enormous passion for Barbecues, it only takes the sun to pop out from behind a cloud for a second before the phone rings and Diana says Marks's doing a barbecue if you like, and we come round huddled under the gas heater in our coats and enjoy a charcoaled sausage on a fresh February Evening.

. His love of birds, I know nothing makes Mark happier than having a black bird nibbling on his nuts. Or a clapping eyes on some Great Tits as they swoop down in front of him.

. You may not know that Mark recently has had a spat of being a have-a-go hero but of course he's too modest to brag about such things. much! Having disturbed a burglar next door, broken up a fight on the London underground, grabbed the steering wheel of Emma's runaway car. But I think most bravely of all, agreeing to marry Diana!

. His Uncle Albert-like stories of how he single handily built the Channel Tunnel. Can't hear though enough During the tunnel.

. And then the great &quotis he a plumber or a heating engineer debate. What do you reckon?

If I can be serious for a while before I get drunk and reveal my bottom whilst dancing the Highland fling. I would just like to say how genuinely happy I am for Mark and Diana, you may like a bucket they are two of the nicest people I have ever had the fortune to meet. As I'm sure you all know they are fantastically hospitable people, and you can see today how much effort and they put into entertaining guests , there's barely a weekend go by when they don't invite friends or family round for dinner or a barbecue or drinks. Marks meticulous planning and preparation of events like today make Mark and Diana an exciting blend of Insomniac and sleep lover.

They are both fantastic grandparents, I don't know how Beverley and I would have coped with out their continued help support, guidance, and selfless generosity. Nana and Granddad's house is already Sam and Holly's favourite place, I just have to convince them that Samuel first full-sized drum kit should live here! So that's it from me, it's time for me to slip from Best Man to embarrassing dad dancing in a kilt. So I'd just like to say congratulations to Mark and Diana and I hope you all enjoy the rest of the day.

So I'd like to make a toast. to the free bar!

No seriously, a toast to: the pig.

Seriously Ladies and Gentlemen please join me in raising your glasses to, Mark &amp Diana..