Speech by Steve Rogers

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Steve Rogers
Speech Date: oct 2003
Good evening ladies and gentleman. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Steve Rogers and by some twist of fate I happen to be the best man today.

First I'd like to point out before I go on any further that public speaking was never my strongest area. Actually in doing research for this speech I found that public speaking is indeed the number one fear among Americans. Followed closely by number two on the list, death. What that means folks is that my job up here right now is quite literally worse then death. (Look to Jon) Thank you Jon. In all honesty though the only person in this room probably more nervous then me right now is Molly, who has to listen to me, talk up here.

Now in practicing my speech earlier today I over heard the brides’ maids arguing over who was going to get the honor of first dance with the best man. The conversation pretty much went “You have to, no you have to, NO you have to!” So I guess we'll see who lost that argument soon enough.

Now typically the best man speech is nothing more than an assassination attempt on the groom's character and folks believe me, I won't let you down. Actually no, I'm kidding. Jon will probably end up being the best man at my wedding too and he has FAR more dirt on me that I have on him, so in retrospect I better keep this clean if I know what's good for me.

Now I've known Jon for a little over 9 years now. We met before freshman year of high school back in 1994. One of the earliest memories I have of him is when my mom was trying to get me to go to seminary freshman year of high school. (For those of you that don't know, seminary is when you wake up at 5 in the morning so you can go to church before school.) Now of course I figure that no one in their right mind would willingly want to this so I told her if she could get Jon to go I would be will too, knowing full well he would never agree. (Look at Jon and Shutter) Ugghhh, lets just say I slept most through freshmen year.

I also remember getting Jon his first job at Melody Theater in Thousand Oaks. We did small little dumb chores there, such as clean the theaters, and sell tickets and popcorn nothing really important. The highlight of our week would literally be on Friday where Jon would wrestle the store manager in the front lobby while we waited for the last show to get out. I remember the look on customer's faces when they would go to the bathroom in the middle of the move and see Jon and JJ tangled in a death lock in what appeared to be fighting for their lives.

But it wasn't until sophomore year until Jon's first love made an appearance. That's, right folk, Taco Bell. I kid you not if you were to ever listen to Jon talk about food you would swear he's 400 lbs. When he and Molly went on a weekend retreat to Monterey bay I remember asking them how was your trip? The words out of Jon's mouth were literally “Dude, Steve, there's this place called McKlintocks they have best steak up there you've ever had in your life, it just like melts in your mouth, we waited for hours just to get in, I swear the best steak ever” Me: didn't you do other stuff up there? “Yeah we took pictures.… But the steak, oh my god, freak you have no idea.”

I even remember when they flew up to new New York to attend a wedding. I asked them how their retreat was because he had told me earlier he was going to visit the sacred grove where the profit Joseph Smith saw his first vision of the savior Jesus Christ.. What did Jon tell me? “Dude, they have the best Buffalo wings you've ever had in your life, I swear you would die if you tasted them” Me, didn't you visit the sacred grove? Him: “Oh yeah, that was cool, but dude you should have seen the Buffalo wings, they were huge!”

I do have a little theory about this though. The first time I ever went over to his house I witnessed him eating the most god awful thing you could imagine. Apparently they make these hotdogs with liquid cheese injected in the middle… he was nuking them in a microwave then wrapping them up in plain pieces of white bread and dipping them in ketchup. Now my mom was always a gourmet cook so I had never seen anything like that in my life, still the site of that chills me to the bone just thinking about it. I mean fish sticks and tatter tots are tolerable but that stuff was just plain gross. So I guess he's just been making up for it ever since.

I could go on and on for hours with more funny stories. I bet you'd all like to know why his old wrestling partner back in high school got the nickname woody. Or maybe his unusual fear of water? But seeing as how I haven't gotten as many laughs as I hoped for I better wrap this up quickly..…

Jon is one of the most considerate.… well respected..… (Look at Molly) what was the third one? Oh yes, and the best Yu-gi-oh Duelist. I've ever met. It is a great pleasure for me to see him this happy prepared to start his wonderful new life together with the woman he loves. It is a tremendous honor for me to be his best man and I wish nothing but great things for him in the years to come. He's been there for me more times then I can remember. In all honesty folks, he's the closest thing to a brother I've ever had and I wish him nothing but the best.… Thank you Jon for this great honor, seriously, it means a lot to me.

Ok Folks, that's it for me, now on with the show.