Speech by Steve Stead

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Steve Stead
Speech Date: May2006
Well, I didn't think I'd be nervous for today but this isn't the first time that I've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.…

Anyway, good afternoon to all of you and for those who I haven't met before my name is XXXX and I have the pleasure of being the best man today.

Now I was always told that a speech should have a beginning and an end and the bit in the middle should be as short as possible – I promise that I will try and stick to this rule so as not to interrupt valuable drinking time and celebrations.…

So, before launching into the life and crimes (all undetected so far) of the young XXXXX, I would like to convey my thanks to him for his kind words on behalf the lovely bridesmaids, who have done a fantastic job today and I think you'll agree have complimented the radiant Anna, who looks truly stunning – XXX you just look truly stunned!

When XXXX asked me to conduct this duty, I was both honoured and rightfully proud on many counts…
Firstly, Not just because it gave me the opportunity to dress like Laurence Llwellyn Bowen – cheers mate!
Or because it presented a further opportunity to publicly discuss Rich's latent tendencies toward PVC and dressing up in general, watch your wardrobe XXXX…
No, It's because after the year's we have known each other he has now openly conceded that I am indeed the best man!

We've been the through the mill together over the years and have had night's that are the stuff of legends – a particularly memorable one for me was on the stag-do where after a slight tumble on stage Rich was convinced that he had broken his wrist (years of abuse had weakened it I think), so off we sped to Casualty at 1 o'clock in the morning, a little worse for wear – well, you can only imagine the look on the hard-working nursing staff when they were greeted by a 5 foot 8 (not in heels before you think it) sweaty and out of breath man and a 6 foot brown furry rabbit, limping and clutching his wrist – they didn't know whether to laugh or phone the RSPCA – it's the first and last time I want to be accused of abusing animals!

Anyway, I could stand here and tell you of countless tales of drinking, running through the streets naked and general loutish behaviour but XXXXX has assured me that she has changed her ways, so I'll move on.

XXXXX and XXXXX have proved that you can have the fairytale despite the trials and tribulations that everyday life throws at you, and I've always lived by the mantra that you shouldn't marry someone because you want to live with them, you marry them because you can't live without them – you guys go together like the great historical partnerships….laurel and hardy, zig and zag to name but a few – you two just wouldn't work without each other and the commitment made today is testimony to that. I for one I'm humbled that you have allowed me to play a small part in this – so thanks to you both.

As many will be aware for XXXXX and XXXXX, first comes the marriage, then moving 400 miles south, followed by a complete change of career – all to be achieved in double-quick time! Now I didn't see a shotgun in XXXXx hand but it has certainly got tongues wagging.

No truly, I wish you all three of you the very best in your new adventures. It's good to see that you have got your priorities in order – Jack Daniels and Marlboro Lights have both sent several ‘Missing you Already’ cards.…

On that note – to the cards.…

CARDS – 3

Well, all that remains for me to say is firstly – thanks for listening, XXXX you are one-in-a-million, XXXX you look like you were one in a raffle!

Ladies and gentleman please be upstanding and raise your glasses to join me in a toast to the new Mr and Mrs XXXXXXX, may they have a long and fruitful marriage.

XXXX and XXXX