Speech by Steven Devey

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Steven Devey
Speech Date: 20060805
Hello and welcome to this very special occasion for those of you who don't know me my name is &quotSteven, I have got a strange second name though it sounds foreign it is pronounced, what's yours. So when you come and congratulate me on my brilliant best mans speech later its steven whats yours.

But on a serious note I am very nervous so if I start to sound like GGG Gareth gates please be kind.

I must say I am honoured to be matt's best man and he has told me if I do a good job I can be best man for his next wedding.

Before I start, I'd like to say that I've actually been practising my speech in the gay bars of Birmingham……… so apologies to any Birmingham city fans who've heard it before.

I would like to thank Matthew for all his kind words and just say how gorgeous the barmaids are looking… sorry force of habit… how gorgeous the bridesmaids are looking and what a brilliant job they have done. Also what a good job Clive done giving his daughter away I hear it's the first time he's given anything away

And the new Mrs Moss is looking stunning Im sure you will all agree.

I was shocked when matt showed me Ellen I was amazed that she was so good looking having seen his previous standards,

But it isn't nice to talk about his ex girlfriends as sadly none of them can be with us since the BSE crisis. But it is nice of 1of them too turn up to feed us 158LD pig roast for dinner

Matty and me go back a long way and have grown up together. Apparently he was nearly called Tuesday when he was born Jeff said come on lets call it a day.

Matty do you remember the first day at school walking in to the class room at woodhouse and the teacher said will everybody please make matthew welcome I just thought I can corrupt him.

He looks so innocent with his Goodyear bag and his Goodyear pencil case and his Goodyear badge and his Goodyear pens and pencils and no doubt he had Goodyear pants on, maybe with Goodyear skidmarks in them he then sat next to me and said guess who my dad works for. Goodyear by any chance

Now I thought at this point that his dad might be a bit tight sending his son to school with all these freebies but this is odviously not the case as he has put a free bar on for us all tonight. Cheers to Jeff.

Matty odiously studied hard at school and mapped out his career path with military like precision becoming the only baker in history to be allergic to flour.
So it was that he had to change his career path and fell into I mean chose to become an engineer and a committed one at that I mean the amount of times on a Thursday night when he has stopped drinking after 12 pints so that he could have a clear head for work in the morning.
In fact in his latest job at plastic omnium the boys have nicknamed him GOD: here's why-
No one ever sees him!
He makes his own rules up
And if he does anything it's a bloody miracle!

I got to say I think I do know part of the reason that me and matt have been mates for so long we both have an interest in classic cars I like classic vw's and matty likes classic fords he has a big interest in fiesta and escort but ive got to be honest ive never heard of a ford razzle.

As we all know matty is a dedicated athlete having done numerous marathon.… Drinking sessions. A fine example is the time when some body shouted last 1 to the curry house buys the popodums. Matty set off at a thundering pace and after gaining the lead unfortunately fell at the a kerb and ended up at the hospital.

But again this is not a shock as matty has an appalling sense of direction. I doubt that he has ever found his way to Ellen's Cl Cl Cl Clips Cycle clips he's just bought her a bike.

I have got to say that I was quite disappointed when Matty met Ellen for 3 reasons.
1.I lost my house mate
2.I lost my full time drinking partner
3.Ellen didn't have any good-looking single mates — With poor taste in blokes.

I do remember the first night in Chicago rock that he seen Ellen the room And he gave her a little note cause he obviously didn't have the balls to go and speak too her

Ive got to say that I cant believe he gave 48 off them notes out that night and only got 1 reply.

Produce note from pocket.

The funniest part was then going to Yates's and matty walking out and trying to go phone me but then realising he had not given her his phone number and having to do an E-mail me impression.

Well I hope matty and ellen have a nice time when they go to north wales. I presume that is where they are going cause when I asked him what they were doing after the wedding he said he going to bangor for a couple of days.
Ive got a little poem for you.

There was a young man called matt.
Who lived with his mom dad and cat

1 night in Chicago rock .
he saw a girl and thought wow she is hot.

He tried to give her a wink.
but in his way was a dancing chink

he thought she is a fine female
so he went up and give her his e-mail

he found out her name was Ellen
when he thought of her his pants were a swellen

there was times when things could have gone wrong
when she went came home and he was wearing her thong

now things are solid and he has sworn
that he will get rid off all of his porn

now lets prey after matts operation
that some babys they will be a making

and happy they will all live together
for ever and ever and ever

Please raise your glasses to the people who have made this
occasion so special……..the bar staff.

Only joking ……..Matty and ellen