Speech by Steven Finch

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Steven Finch
Speech Date: 01/06/2011 17:02:08

Ladies and gentlemen if I could have your attentions please, we have arrived at the point in the day for some of us to rise from the comfort of our chairs and make fools out of ourselves.

I however am going to try and postpone mine for as long as possible, and hand you over to the main man, Mr Christopher Baker.

CHRIS'S SPEECH

I'd like to start by thanking Chris on behalf of the bridesmaids for his kind words, I think everyone would agree they do all look truly stunning today, and remarkably still sober. I'd also like to take this oppotunity to compliment Laura on how beautiful she looks and finally thank her for agreeing to marry chris. At times I was convinced that people were starting to think me and him were the couple.

To those of you who dont know me, and that is..pretty much everyone here, I'm Steven and for the past few months I'v been dreading this very moment. In my mind, being asked to be bestman is equivelant to being asked to sleep with the queen, a great honor, but no one really wants to do it. The biggest issue I encountered when faced with the inevitability of doing this speech was as I'm sure you may well have already noticed, the accent barrier. Just to clarify, if anyone can't understand me the silence from everyone else in the room will reassure you that your not missing anything important.

Anyway, for the past 5 months since Chris asked me to be his best man I found myself sifting through vast memories of our times together, trying to find something I'd be able to use against him……weekend binges, party boy impressions or Chris's unique way of putting a dampener on anything remotely exciting.

Whilst re-living these memories, it immediately dawned on me that I played an active part in most of them, so as to avoid incriminating myself, I'v decided that a lot of them would be best kept quiet…… for now anyway, but the night is young and I'm still sober!

I now find myself in a very awkward situation, here I am with a room full of people waiting to listen to my every word, and with the opporunity to embarase chris on a level I'l never get again, and for once I can't think of any thing to say, Chris I wish you were more interesting…you see it was only last night while sat on the couch trying to write this speech, I reviewed the high points of Chris's life. and fell asleep…

It was at this point in the speech, I was planning on bragging about how the stag do ended with Chris tied half naked to a lamppost crying for his mother. However this wasnt the case…long before I even started planning the stag do, Chris would quite often say to me “if anyone comes near me with tape or rope I'm going to punch you in the face”…which I'l admit is not the most caring side of him I've ever seen.

Not to worry though, he was the only one to end the night with some bruising, after an incident involving a whip and a bestman undeterred by his threats!

Its obligatory for me to explain how the lovely couple first came together. Laura and Chris first met on a date set up by friends Ray and Katy… Laura was lured into meeting him on the premise he had a nice car, a nice body and lots of money. Imagine her disapointment when Chris turned up.

They went ice skating and Chris, true to the form of which I know him, made her pay for herself. Biggest mistake he's ever made, Laura tells me she hasnt paid for anything herself for the past 3 years, for all the young men here today theres a lesson to be learnt there.

Now knowing Chris as well as I do its hard for me to believe he managed to go ice skating with out making a huge twit out of himself, and I'd have been right for assuming that. Whilst in mid conversation with Laura discussing his future plans to join the RAF and what he had planned for his life, he fell flat on his face, however rather than rushing to his aid and checking he was alright, Laura skated on creased with laughter.

I recently asked Laura what her first impressions were of Chris, she said “I thought he was tall, handsome and had gorgeous big brown eyes! just like chocolate buttons”.

*look at Chris inquisitively*

…cant see it myself

Chris's response when posed the same question involved an awkwardly long pause, then just a one word answer “beautiful”, and its clear from looking at her today to see why.

I do have to say how lucky you are though Chris. You will leave here today having gained a wife that is warm, loving and caring. A wife who is funny, and who radiates beauty where ever she goes. And Laura, how lucky you are as well, you leave today having gained a gorgeous dress and a lovely bouquet of flowers.

I'v only known Chris for 2 and a half years, but the fact that I'm stood here today as his best man is testament to how close we have become in that time. I think of Chris more as a brother than a friend, and I know that I can count on him for anything, even if that meant kicking off with a bouncer twice his size. Laura has undoubtably married the best, and I know in my heart of hearts he will be the greatest husband, and father he can be.

So it now gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast for the happy couple. We wish them well for the future. To love, life, laughter and happily ever after… Chris and Laura