Speech by Steven Hines

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Steven Hines
Speech Date: Sep2004
Thanks Matt. Before I start, I'd like to thank Dish for asking me to be one of his best men here today. At first I was honoured and privileged that he wanted me to perform such a responsible role then I remembered I had to make a speech in front of you lot and, well, put it this way, this isn't the first time today I've got up from a warm seat with a few sheets of paper in my hand. Anyway, after a civil ceremony a couple of months ago, a religious ceremony yesterday and, for me personally, 7 double vodkas in the last hour, here we are, so let the ritual humiliation continue.

I first met Dish when we lived in the same halls of residence at university. He introduced himself as Dish, which naturally caused me to ask why. Perhaps if I asked Manisha the same question now, her answer would be, “Why, Steven – isn't it plainly obvious? My husband is such a stunningly attractive and gorgeous hunk of a man that everyone calls him Dish!” I think that after Matt's speech, we all know the real reason, so I'll move swiftly on.

After that first meeting we became firm friends and I, along with most of the people on that table over there, spent many an evening lounging about in Dish's room doing, well, not very much really. We've been through a lot of things together and I consider him like a brother. An unpleasantly hairy brother, but a brother all the same.

For example, one time, Dish decided that he wanted me to give him a piggy-back on the way home from the pub. Unfortunately, he didn't think to warn me before jumping on my back. To be fair, he's not the lightest of gentlemen in the world and it felt like someone had dumped a ten-ton elephant on me. To be honest, an elephant would probably have had more co-ordination than Dish and the elephant wouldn't have toppled over my head, sending us both crashing to the ground and scraping both our faces on the hard concrete pavement. Ask him to show you later – he still has the scar on his chin to this very day and I still bear the mental scars of having POINT that man there mound me from behind. It's not a pleasant thought ladies and gentlemen, I can tell you!

Dish left university with a masters degree in civil engineering and what this man can't tell you about concrete and railway bridges isn't worth knowing. His work colleagues tell me that he is known around the office as &quotGod&quot. Apparently, this is because he's rarely seen, he makes his own rules and if he does any work it's a bloody miracle!

Dish has never really been the sporty type either. He once tried out for his local football team, but the manager wouldn't let him play because apparently he was useless in every position. Manisha, I hope you have more luck!

Indeed, I think a great story which highlights Dish's lack of sporting prowess comes from a time when we were all gathered together in a friend's house after the pub and were playing a game of “which one's the truth?” It's a simple game where you say three things about yourself but only one of them is true, the idea being that everyone tries to guess. Dish tried to come up with a fact that he thought would stump us all, “In which sport did I represent my county?” he asked. “Was it a Boxing, b Rugby or c Chess?” Anyone got any ideas which one it might be? AD-LIB AND ASK FOR PEOPLE TO VOTE

Dish has his mum to thank for introducing him to Manisha after she met her at a wedding. Even though they had their first date at a Harvester in Coventry TURN TO DISH AND DO THE GUNS THING smooth, Dish – smoooooth, Manisha decided to give him a second chance and they ended up falling for each other. Dish, you're a very lucky man. You've got Manisha who's beautiful, funny, great conversation and has fantastic dress sense. And Manisha, you've got.… err… Dish… which is nice.… The bonus is that you'll never be short of Star Trek videos to watch ever again in your life!

Ladies and Gentlemen…I shan't take up much more of your time. I started writing this speech three months ago, and you must feel like I have been delivering it for just as long, so I will wrap things up now.

When I was thinking about writing this speech, I asked myself the question, &quotWhat does Dish mean to me?&quot The first word that comes to mind is &quotpeople&quot. Dish knows a LOT of people. Ever since I first met him, I've been constantly astounded by the amount of people he knows. Why does he know such a large number of people? It's simple – everyone likes Dish. He's a fantastic friend and I know he'll make an even better husband. And who better to marry Dish than someone like Manisha. In the short time I've known her, it's become clear that she too is a very lovable, funny and genuine person. A perfect couple in my opinion!

The two of you are about to embark on a wonderful journey through life together, but there will be times when you have the odd argument. My very important piece of advice to you Dish, to help you overcome these hiccups and to ensure a long and happy marriage is to always remember to say those three little words to Manisha as often as possible: “Right again, dear…”

My final piece of advice for marital bliss is to never go to sleep with an un-finished argument hanging over you. Be a man, stay awake and fight to the bitter end – you're going to lose anyway, so you might as well get it over and done with!

To finish, I would like to say to the happy couple “Umara surevei ne itchai che ke tamaroo bunnueno jiven lambo ane sukmai nevrai” which, for those of you aren't as fluent in Gujurati as myself means “XXXXXXXXXX”. POINT Thanks Bhavesh!! Ladies and gentlemen, may I ask you to be upstanding to toast the bride and groom, Manisha and Jaimal.

Oo-mara Tamara sur-vey ni ee tcha chay,
que tum-ar-oo bun-noo-noo,
jeven, lamboo
an-ay sook-may,
ni-vrai