Speech by Stewart Baird

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Stewart Baird
Speech Date: 01/06/2010 15:02:42

Good afternoon ladies and gents,

Id like to thank everyone for coming today, im sure we all agree fiona looks a million dollars
and chic ….well looks like he's just won a raffle

in fact id like to thank all the women here today for making such an effort, you all look lovely,
id like to also thanks the guys for turning up sober

im actually really nervous about this but karen my wife told me just to imagine everyone in their underwear,
(look at the bridesmaids ) yeah your right karen it has helped

anyway for any of you who dont know me my name is Stewart and im charles and fionas best man for the day, i must comment on what a privelage it
was to be asked,

i must say im really happy that charles has managed to find someone he feels he can settle down with
its a massive weight off my shoulders as ive been carrying the torch ever since marget and charlie handed it to me all those years ago

i now know how you must have felt not having to worry about whether he will be home at a reasonable hour, not having to make sure his terry towels are
changed regulary giving his problem with lets just say going to the toilet in strange places and at strange times, /  we will touch on this later.

I can remember a story charles told me about a night out we had, we got home about 5 in the morning and chics not made it to his room, he
woke up at 11 oclock in the morning naked on the couch with no covers, and his boxers pulled over his head  ( well done to stevie for that stunt)
but the next part is worse, when he pulled his shorts of Margaret is sitting on the chair reading the sunday mail.Not a word was exchanged
so good luck with that Fiona.

ive actually known charles for over 20 years,when we were about 18/19 we booked the cheapest holiday possbile and found ourselves in what
can only be described as a retirement village in Ibiza, i think we reduced the average age in the resort to 65, anyway being naive boys we never gave
sun tan lotion a thought, so i left it to chic to go out and buy cream, after about 5 days my skin was that bad it was blistering
all over, when the locals heard how bad i was they asked to see the cream,…….it turned out to be anti aging cream he bought

and yes i forgave him to be here today

i could also talk about the time we came back from yet another night out, i had to go to my parents to get my house keys. when i left charles was missing….

Away home i thought,so i head home and about 4 in the Morning I get a chap at the door. standning there is my 2 brothers holding him up,
it turned out that when i went inside he followed me in, went upstairs stripped naked and went to sleep in my mum and dads bed,
when they woke him up he casually walked to the corner of the room and had a pee in the corner
and yes i forgave him to be here today

i actually even tried to move away and moved to kirkaldy in fife, i was there for about 5 weeks and found myself a job, on my way to work one morning
who do i see wandering the streets looking like a lost puppy……yep youve guessed it, charles looking for me,   when he saw me the first thing he
said was “you never even called to let me know you were safe”

so that was the end to my travels

and everyone that is the reason I am here today, friendships like our dont come along every day, plus i know that no matter where i go he will find me.

ok now that we have got the embarrasing stories out the way id like to do some thank yous,

first of all id like to thank margaret charles and Anne for helping make today so special
id like to thank mandy and tracy for making sure fiona actually turned up
id also like to thanks jimmy and Ceara as they have travelled all the way from norway to be here. if i wasnt standing here it probably would have been
Jimmy, he has also been a great friend to both of us and i know for sure he would drop everything to be there for charles,

a funny story about Jimmy though, once when i was down visiting charles the door went and it was jimmy,
chic made me hide in the wardrobes whch were glass fronted,
chic left jimmy in the room himself, (or so he thought)
what i witnessed is engraved in my mind forever, and lets just say charles sock drawer will never be the same again.

and the most important thank you tonight has to go to some very special people, during the day you will all no doubt want to spend somer time
with them, if they are busy please be patiant as its a very busy day, so everyone please raise your glasses for….THE BAR STAFF

One of my last duties before I toast the happy couple is to read a few cards……
(read selected cards)

ok so that almost wraps things up from me, just one last thing

i would like everyone to be upstandning to join me in toasting the happy couple,
ladies and gentlemen

the new mr and mrs Miller