Speech by Stewart Ross
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Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Stewart Ross
Speech Date: Jul2007
Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen my name is Stewart and I am Iain's Best Man….Luckily for me!, today I would like to pay tribute to a man with ample tact, ambition and integrity……..However he is not here and as it is Iain's Wedding I would be best talking about him.
I would also like to thank you on behalf of Iain and Claire for attending their wedding, and I would also like to thank those who knew I would be speaking. I am grateful you stayed to listen!
Firstly, before the assassination I would to thank both the groom for his kind words and the father of the bride for his excellent speech, both hard acts to follow! Now, if I was to follow tradition this is the point where I would sing the grooms praises and tell you all his good points but unfortunately I cannot sing and I certainly won't lie on his wedding speech!
Now, the good part…..When deciding on the many embarrassing stories to tell about Iain, I contacted all his friends and asked them to nominate a few of the "Classics" and here, for all your entertainment as well as Iain's great embarrassment is the selected fav's!…
Ian, as many of you know is a great guy but he does lack one very important thing…………Common Sense! This was most evident when he decided to knock down a simple garden shed how difficult a task can this be you may ask? Not very unless your name is Iain Patterson. To be fair he did the first thing correctly, he emptied the shed of all its contents, then whilst still in the shed decided to save time and knock a wall down, which he did. Now, most of you are thinking get out then either, take the roof off or one of the walls….Not Iain, this is when he knocked down another wall from the inside! Which, at this point gravity takes over and the 2 remaining walls are overpowered and the roof caves in…Tools down and a trip to the Infirmary for young Ian – If anybody wants to come over and have a look you can still see the staple marks on the top of his head!
As you will all know, Iain does a job he loves dearly, he is a fireman and another example of his shining common sense is the time it was his job to close the Station doors after the engine had driven out, however, Iain being keen as can be pressed the button to early, the Station doors slammed down on top of the engine which then lost all its equipment as well as the door being demolished, Iain's keen hand led to the Brigade being 㾶,000 lighter, however the good news is the Station's Snooker table survived!
One thing Claire is going to put up with the rest of her life is Iain's horrific snoring, now I snore as well but this isn't my wedding so we don't have to mention me so back to Iain. Iain once went to another station for a night shift with all the other "Serial Snorers" from other stations….Later on that night they all settled down to sleep in the Gym at the station and when Iain woke later that morning he found all the others were gone as they couldn't handle it! So Iain is now the official snorer in the Fire Brigade for this region…!
During our friendship I have seen Iain mature and learn various things, the most important thing he looks to have learnt is you cannot make somebody love you, you just have to stalk them for long enough until they give in!
Joking aside now and back to the serious bits it is a great honour to be Iain's best man, over the years we have had a lot of great laughs and may we have many more of these, providing of course if Iain is still allowed out!
Ladies and gentlemen, it give me great immense pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses to Iain and Claire, Mr at Mrs Paterson, to a long and happy marriage!
