Speech by Stuart McMinn

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Stuart McMinn
Speech Date: 13/05/2014 21:37:17

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to formally welcome you all to the wedding reception of my best friend, John, and the Beautiful Ellen and doesn't she look beautiful today?

For those who might not know, I'm Stu, the guy John selected to be his Best Man, Which makes sense, considering that it's been that way since the day we met.

Loyal, caring, sincere, honest, a great, great man… (Long pause)…but that's enough about me though, I'm here to give a speech about John!

Of course, the biggest responsibility for anyone in my position is the speech itself. As I've known John for such a long time, there's a time honoured tradition of dragging up embarrassing stories from his past.  I must say if that's what you're looking for that today I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed.  The truth is, I've stood side by side with the John for many years now, through thick and thin. And in all that time, I've never seen anything but a man of integrity, honour and impeccable good character.  In addition I was usually with him, up to my neck in it so I think it's best to leave a lot of those memories well alone!

I thought therefore that I would concentrate on trying to understand why Ellen would marry John?

You'll be pleased to know that I'll add a sprinkle of character assassination for good measure.

So what is so special about him? I'd like to share with you my thoughts.

One reason to marry John is that he is exceptionally skilled; John can offend anyone on any topic at any time. People know this and steer clear of him at parties. Often, as a sign of respect, they don't even invite him anymore.

Now John isn't known for his Tact, but did you know it's possible to tell when John's offended someone – his lips will have moved.

Another reason to marry John, he's a good looking guy. Unfortunately with John's obvious good looks comes a certain degree of vanity and when he was learning to drive, he particularly struggled with the Mirror Signal Manoeuvre thing. With him it was

Mirror, Signal, Mirror, Manoeuvre and Mirror again.

Maybe it's John's strict workout regime. I know he's been working hard to stay in shape for the big day. In fact, for a long time now, John has observed a daily fitness regime. Every morning, he spends 30 minutes working up a sweat, whilst vigorously working specific muscle groups.  Then he flushes the loo and gets on with his day.

He's hardworking and dedicated to the world of work. John has always given 100% to every role. He started out as a loud mouthed, socially inept waiter. But even in that lowly role, he achieved a level of excellence.

He was the most loud mouthed, most socially inept, waiter you could ever imagine,

and he's gone on to excel in those qualities ever since.

John has always aimed high and he often manages to achieve his ambitions. I remember at school, when our exams results were posted … I called him at home to find out if he'd passed. He screamed down the phone “Effin’ all of them?” I remember saying, “That's effin’ fantastic!” “No,” he explained, “I said he got F – in all of them.”

Maybe It's his memory, Has anyone seen the film called the Hangover? Its set around a stag do in Las Vegas, Seem familiar? The plot goes that on the first night the Stag met loads of people that he couldn't remember meeting afterwards? John some of the people that you met have sent in videos.

SHOW VIDEO ONE

Seriously though I've always thought John would make a great Governor of the Bank of England, because whenever he starts speaking about his latest hobby, everyone's interest rate drops.

Speaking of hobbies, He's had that many you could write a song about it? On that note…….

SHOW VIDEO TWO

This leaves Johns most memorable feature. His dancing prowess.

SHOW VIDEO THREE

Ellen, you're very lucky to have John as your partner in crime. Not only does he fight for his own goals, but I know he'll always put his best into making you happy and into achieving your shared goals.

And John, you're very lucky to have someone who can dish back that trash talk and get as competitive as you during a game of Cartwheels in the garden. Ellen is great at nursing your ego after it's been brutalized during another failed hobby.

But seriously, you two make a great team. Your commitment to each other and determination to get the most out of life is an inspiration to us all.

Ladies and gentleman, please join me in wishing John and Ellen every happiness life has to hold.