Speech by Stuart Woodward

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Stuart Woodward
Speech Date: Dec2007
Good afternoon,, My names Stu for those of you that don””t know me, I am today privileged to be the Best man at this joyous occasion, to celebrate the marriage between Gemma and my dear and close friend Barry who I””ve known for some years now.

Should I appear a little nervous or begin to sound like G-G-G-Gareth Gates please be kind.

But may I start with the necessary thank you””s to everyone involved. I know a lot of work, time and effort have been put in by the many people involved so..

First of all

Let me first thank all of you for making the effort in coming to celebrate todays wonderful occasion. I know some of you have travelled from afar so a big welcome and I hope your all having a great time.

May I thank our bridesmaid Emma and say that she looks absolutely radiant and is only outshone by our beautiful bride. Doesn””t she look fabulous. I think you””ll all agree, Gemma looks absolutely stunning today!

Finally, I””d just like to thank Primark for supplying the suits, I””m surprised by just how good they look! And It””s nice to see that Baz has remained loyal to his favourite clothes shop!

Its a great pleasure that these two families are as one today to celebrate a marriage between two lovely people.

Now I was talking to Gemma's mum earlier and she was saying as a young girl she was never as happy as when she had her dummy with her..Some things never change she said… look how happy she is today . . .

Anyway like Linford Christie wearing a thong, there is a lot to fit in – So let””s crack on.

The Best mans duties,

It was of course a great honour to be chosen as best man. From the moment Baz asked me it was this this speach that terrfified me.

So..… I had to prepare!!

Now I took mine and indeed most mens approach when faced with something they know nothing about I went on the internet.

I found some great stuff, forums, web sites dedicated to weddings and of course lots of other stuff!!!!!
That I found more interesting than speech writting.

So I gave up on the internet and decided to find a more reliable source of information, what better than the people that would share this special day.

Baz I've jotted down just a few words that were used to describe you..…

Thoughtful, Caring and very very special from Gemma

A perfect son from your Mam and Dad.

A loyal and true friend from Me.

Pause.

Now who put this here Short, Round and Hairy???
Oh thats from one of the tables at the back………… That's why your at the back!!!!!
But obviously Barry someone that knows you well.

Now I better tell you a bit more about Barry,

Let me set the scene, its 1983 and were just recovering from one of the longest hottest summers ever recorded and the phrase junk food was born,

And this one really tickles me ladies and gents..On the day,Barry was born, would you believe..they founded The Early Learning Centre.

Born on the 16th of June, A day in which Irene Carra's What a Feeling was number 1

What a feeling!!!!

Thats very fitting as I bet you havn't heard Gemma say that in a while Eh Baz?????

You never know tonight might be your lucky night I hear the bed upstairs revolves.

Baz just to give you a bit of advice about the wedding night.…

It should be like a good chicken dinner!!!

A nibble on the breast.

A nibble on the leg.

And a lot of stuffing!!!

I've known Baz for some 13 years.
We met through our school days and at first it was a case of hiya you all right with what I can best describe as crap crack, Baz has now turned out to be a real true mate, who I have a lot of time and respect for, and one I always enjoy catchin up with over a few pints or 10. What I””ve got to know about Baz, he””s Smart, Handsome and Affectionate, who am I kidding he's now under the thumb and never allowed out again.

It wouldn””t be too far off the mark to say that I could shovel more dirt on the gentleman seated to my left than a Taliban Cave digger. I mean, right now I can see him squirming in his seat and sweating more than Pavarotti on a treadmill. Bless his soul.

I could mention ex – girlfriends, drinking games, parties, Gas chambers, specimen bottles and end of night sickness!

Or.…

Going to blackpool to watch Carlisle play only to sing &quot you can stick your beeping tower up your arse&quot all the way home to try and keep me awake.

Or imagine this.… what about at the age of 12 and I say 12 pretending to snort cocaine at a Carlisle united match.… sherbet as the coke and cutting it into lines with your solo card, blatently trying to take the micky out of the coppers going by only for them to laugh at you.

I know everyone thats been drinking with Baz knows he's a bloody light weight and is so impressionable you'll all have stories, the basketball dancing? the break dancing???? i'm saying nothing!!!!!!

Baz is a mate, in the 13 years I can hardly remember having a cross word between us which I think is testament to a great friendship and for that I thank you Baz and I hope we””re still friends after I have finished.

For those of you who don't know Baz is a fan of DIY Gemma assures me that when there in the house he””s banging and screwing at every opportunity.

Gemmas got a little nickname for Barry that not many people know about &quot holiday boy &quot Thats because he””s good while it lasts but wishes it was longer !

Before I wrap this up I””d like to offer some advice for the groom which should be easy for you to remember it's given to you in a way you'll able to understand : Married life can be compared to football. All you need to do is be fully committed every week, and make sure you score every weekend. Also, remember playing away from home will result in Gemma putting you on the transfer market.

So Barry's ready for married life and he couldn't have chosen a better person to share it with.

Now parents always hope their daughter finds a reliable sensible and considerate partner and hope they make the right choices.

Gemma chose Barry who in my eyes is the ideal choice and a credit to his parents.

On behalf of everyone here I want to thank you for all the fun we””ve had and all the fun still to come. Enjoy every hour and thank you for sharing today with us.

I””m sure everybody agrees you make a great couple, and it””s been fantastic to be a part of this celebration of your clear love towards one another.

You””re among friends who want the very best for you both. Today is your day, Please enjoy it. May your joy be everlasting and your only pain be champagne.

So Before I finish

I would just like to give a short poem about a conversation Barry and myself had a few years ago.

When you were a lad of just 20 wet behind the ears.
You bet me that you wouldn't marry at least a full 10 years.

Well that was but 4 years ago and here we are today.
The partner of a lovely bride a groom in full array.

So 㿞 is my prize now you've been proven wrong.
The moral is it's not to wise to think you are to strong.

To be touched by the beauty of an unrestrained affection.
You lost bet but won your love now heres to your selection.

It gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to stand once more and raise your glasses in a toast for Barry and Gemma. We wish them well for the future. To love, life, laughter and happily ever after.

Ladies and Gentlemen..Mr and Mrs Graham.