Speech by TBJ

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: TBJ
Speech Date: 22/09/2016 09:51:19

Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon – For those of you whom I haven't met – Please let me introduce myself, My name is TBJ, I am also AAA's cousin and it's an honour to be standing here today as his best man.

I suppose I should actually say it's an honour and a pleasure, but the pleasure probably won't start until after the speeches.

So, I just wanted to give this quick, impromptu speech that I jotted down about ten minutes ago during dessert…

The first thing a best man is supposed to do in his speech is let everybody from the bride's side know what sort of man DDD has married.

Ok, so here you go – AAA is caring, loving – funny, charming, generous, successful, suave… Suave??… Sorry mate, I don't think that's how you spell Suave. Anyhow, you get the idea ..… He's a top bloke.

Before I go any further, DDD would you please place your right hand on the table, AAA would you please place your left hand on top of DDD's hand. I let you know why shortly.

Now, I know a lot of you here today are probably wondering what DDD see's in AAA, In all honesty I can tell you that……………….I don't really know!

“When AAA asked me to be his best man, I was honoured and on doing a bit of research, I discovered that I had three responsibilities.

First, I had to make certain that the groom was properly dressed for the ceremony, and to that I say, AAA looks great.

The second responsibility was to get the groom to the ceremony on time, and to that I say, AAA was at the altar exactly when he was needed.

And third, it was my job to guarantee that the groom arrives at the ceremony totally sober, and to that I can say… two out of three ain't bad.”

Seriously though, Firstly, can I just direct your attention towards the bridesmaids Cloe Sophie, Emily and Lee who all look gorgeous today, you will all agree they have done a marvellous job and look fantastic – let's have a round of applause for them!

They are only eclipsed by DDD herself, who I'm sure you'll agree looks absolutely stunning.

Also a huge round of applause for our superb Pageboys, Jack and little Austin

And… AAA, you don't look too bad yourself mate, although, I am a little disappointed that you've copied my outfit!

“But seriously everyone, Doesn't AAA brush up well? In fact, he looks so smart the head waiter keeps telling him to stop bothering the guests.”

Leading up to today DDD and AAA were having an issue with the seating plan. Who would sit comfortably in here & who would have to get up and stand during the speeches etc. so they decided to link it to the wedding present list, biggest presents at front and work it back from there.

So hopefully you can hear me at the back when I say on behalf of DDD and AAA thank‐you very much for the teaspoons and oven glove…

Now there's nothing I wouldn't do for AAA & likewise there's nothing AAA wouldn't do for me. In fact we've spent most of our lives doing nothing for each other.

As AAA's cousin I've known him all my life with many happy memories from the very early days when he used to come and stay with us in his school summer holidays and look after me at the park and local swimming pool (minder) and the many happy Christmases when the whole family always came to stay and one year a clear memory of AAA arriving as xxx – complete with wig – I think he stopped visiting after that.. then as we grew older at 16 he taught me how to ride my first scooter only on the rear wheel then a year later how to drive my first car on only two wheels – something we can both still do to this day – happy days

Over the following years, He was very successful in business here in the UK and the US starting from humble surroundings in a garage with a recruitment drive in the local pub (not a lots changed) – I've spoken to some of his old work colleagues who tell me that his nickname at work was God-like, it's true, apparently he always made his own rules, he was rarely ever seen.… and if he did any work it was usually a miracle.  They also described him as a first class banker – but I may have misheard them,

Meanwhile I was off pioneering – so we didn't see much of each other for a few years apart from sending messages back and forth of how fabulous it was and then eventually in the late 90’s AAA decided it was in fact a top spot and that he should spend a bit more time on the which he did… and I'll let him tell you a few stories about that when you're having a drink with him later at the bar and stories of his love of a good Ozzie Rugby tour (which I've managed to avoid) – that is, in between the odd medical procedure..

In fact, AAA has defied medical science on a number of occasions, which I'm really glad to say, after 3 major heart operations at last count, now carrying some leading edge gadgetry around with him such as state of the art Pace Making equipment (the tech world call these gadgets wearables) and a rather long stay in hospital last year.… and I'm really pleased to say he's never looked better and I'm very pleased to be stood here with him today – in fact, one of my favourite AAA quotes when I call him is – where are you, “I'm just finishing lunch” – where are you going, “I'm just on my way to dinner” – the only man who can spend the whole day and have a hobby of going from lunch to dinner – perfect..

“There is an old wedding day tradition saying that the bride must wear something new, something old, something borrowed and something blue. To ensure that tradition is followed I would like to make a special presentation to DDD. It's old, borrowed and blue, and I figure AAA is new enough as her husband to cover the new. These should come in especially handy tonight when the newlyweds retire to their hotel room. DDD, here are some slightly used blue socks for you.”

READ Messages… – Congratulations on your special day we will miss u – All the girls from the Fantasy Lounge XX

…… Ladies and gentleman, after my speech please feel welcome to drink, dance and enjoy yourselves but please remember that we have to vacate these premises by midnight as they're needed for a migrant camp tomorrow.

Also, later on when the music starts, you might get to see AAA's famous limbo dance. He learnt it trying to get into the paid toilets at Victoria station after a good lunch…

So, Ladies and gentlemen, there are obviously two very important people here today, without whom very little of this would have been possible. And the great thing is that as the evening progresses, most of us will get to spend more and more time talking with them. So please join me in a very special toast – to the bar staff!

I'm sure you are all wondering why I asked AAA to place his hand on top of DDDs? I will now let you know. AAA..… As my final role as Best Man today, it has been with great pleasure that I have been able to give you the last few minutes, in which you will ever have the upper hand over DDD in married life. I do hope you appreciate it mate.

No seriously, Ladies and gentlemen, I am sure you will all agree that DDD and AAA really do make a lovely couple and that I speak on behalf of everyone who knows them when we wish them every happiness for the future.

I would like to say best of luck to you both, I really am delighted for the both of you. I hope you have a long and happy future together. Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise your glasses to the bride and groom, to love, life, laughter and happily ever after… Mr & Mrs XYZ ……

Sorry, AAA has also asked that you all remember to have your Groupon vouchers ready -. See you on the dance floor