Speech by Tee

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Tee
Speech Date: Nov2007
Before I start, I've been told by management here that there is a Volkswagon Golf blocking the drive, belonging to a Mr Patel – is there a Mr Patel here? Mr Patel?

Ummm, wasn't sure how that would go down, better get on with this – Good evening ladies and gentlemen!

As most of you have probably guessed by now I am the best man. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Tee and I would like to begin, on behalf of Dharm and Calina, by thanking you all for being here and sharing their special day with them.

I'd also like to congratulate the happy couple. I'm sure you'll all agree that they make a great couple. Calina, you've looked absolutely stunning all day, and Dharm, well…
Nah, Dharm really looks the part too – even though he has copied my outfit, not too happy about that but I ”spose it is his day.

Dharm asked me to be his best man shortly after the engagement. I'm not quite sure what that says about his decision-making skills, but there you go. But it has been a great honour to play this role today. I'm personally really keen on doing well, mainly because Dharm has told me that if I do a good job, I can be Best Man at his next wedding too…

You may or may not know that I met Dharm 11 years ago at University in Manchester. We met in the first week of our Fresher year – in the Library… nah, it was actually in the queue for a nightclub close to the halls of residence in which we both lived.

As Dharm's best man its tradition for me to dish the dirt on him – the only thing is, a lot of his embarrassing moments have involved me, so I won't go into too much detail.

There was the time Dharm and I developed a dance routine for Gina G's Eurovision entry in 1996.., there was also the time some friends of ours dressed us up in women's clothes with full makeup. I still think Dharm enjoyed that way too much.

Yeah, it was a particularly disturbing time for all involved.

Our friendship grew during our time at University, we had some great times and even managed to get a couple of degrees between us. I had also managed to get through University without having to live with Dharm, but when we went travelling I finally ran out of excuses and we ended up living together in Sydney.

That's in Australia for those of you from Dudley.

It was brilliant having my best mate there to share the fantastic times we had – although we almost didn't make it back alive..

It was in the second flat we shared in Sydney. We actually shared a bedroom no, no like that and the lightbulb in our room hadn't been working for a couple of days. Dharm, in his wisdom, thought it'd be a good idea to go to bed with a candle after a night out on the beers…

It wasn't long before he was asleep and had knocked over the candle, setting the carpet alight.. I would like to say that I rushed in to rescue Dharm, but our friends and I were continuing with the beers in the living room – oblivious to the flat being full of smoke.

Luckily Dharm managed to wake and put the fire out himself, enabling us to both be here today. But this left the problem of a massive hole in the carpet, blackened walls and the small matter of a $1000 bond.

Right, most people would probably admit the mistake, shell out the money and be annoyed with themselves…Oh no. Not our Dharm.Dharm had a plan..

We ended up renting a TV, stereo and DVD player from Radio Rentals on a year long contract. We sold the lot for $1000, paid for the carpet and promptly left the country.

There aren't any Australian policemen here tonight are they?.. Radio rental employees?

No?. Good

Whilst that was the end of my brief life of crime, it continued on for our Dharm. Dharm is now not only an excellent Management Information Analyst for Npower, he also runs his own pirate DVD business in his spare time, which nets him 㿞 a week not sure if the taxman knows about that.

Dharm can offer you any general release film on DVD for just ٠.50. And if you buy 20, you get 5 free – an absolute bargin, I'm sure you'll agree… if you don't mind watching films in black and white… and fluent in Chinese.

I made sure with Dharm that it was ok to mention this here, and he was well chuffed – free advertising he said. So, if anyone is interested in signing up, please call on 07966 685 594 – outside of office hours.

You'll be greeted with a squeeky voice asking you to hold – don't worry, that's just Dharm pretending he has a receptionist.

Right, time to be serious, well for a bit anyway.…

Dharm's strongest points, and I'm sure everybody will agree, is his good-nature, loyalty, honesty and patience. I don't think there are many best men who can stand up and say that they have never heard a bad word said about the groom. Dharm really is one of life's nice guys.

I wasn't surprised at all when Dharm and Calina got engaged. When I met Calina I knew she was perfect for him, I wouldn't have thought it possible for Dharm to be a better man, but with Calina, he is.. they really are made for each other.

Dharm, you've definitely been lucky enough to find your one in a million, and Calina, well, you obviously weren't looking that hard, but well done anyway.

Dharm actually discussed his plans for proposing to Calina with me. It involved being on top of a mountain and a robotic teddy bear ”appearing” from behind a rock with a ring. I stopped laughing as it dawned on me that he was serious..Thankfully he went down the tried and trusted route of proposing over a romantic meal.

… KFC on the Penn Road I think it was.

Joking aside though Dharm, you've been a brilliant friend to me over the years and I've always felt like part of the family whenever I have come up here. It's been such an honour to be your best man, and with all my heart I hope you and Calina have a long and happy marriage!

Ladies and Gentlemen, before we finish, there are obviously some very important people here today, without whom very little of this would have been possible – So could you all stand and please join me in a very special toast…..to the bar staff!

While you are all standing, we might as get the toast for these two out of the way. Ladies and Gentelmen, please raise your glasses – to Dharmesh and Calina!