Speech by Terry Craven

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Terry Craven
Speech Date: apr 2003
WEDDING SPEECH

As the father of the bride I have the pleasure of making the first speech and paving the way for the star speakers, the groom and best man.

On behalf of Linda, myself, Jenny and Mike I would like to welcome you all here today to help celebrate the marriage of Debbie and Andy.

I would also like to offer our sincere thanks to François and the staff at Careys Manor, for an excellent meal and the very efficient manner in which they have organised today.

Applause

It is a relief to me today that we have reached this stage of the proceedings without Debbie removing any of her clothing or submitting any artistic renditions!

Many of you who have known Debbie in recent years will know what I mean but may not know of the events in her childhood, which have lead to her current traits.

Pause

Maybe I should explain. At the tender age of five she had the star role in her school Nativity play as a Sheep. Not a lot could go wrong you might think, unless you know Debbie.

As she started to crawl across the stage her tights rolled down exposing her bottom. Some rapid remedial action by her teacher saved our blushes and it was the highlight of the presentation.

The following year we were invited to the school open evening, part of which was an exhibition of art created by her class who had been on a field trip to the New Forest.

Little Johnny had drawn a pony and trees and little Mary had added a fence to her picture, then we came to Debbie's rendition.

Her picture was simple a mound in the centre of the page labelled ‘Manure’.

I looked at Linda in disbelief and she said, “be thankful, at least she called it Manure”.

Shortly after she started junior school Linda had a telephone call from the headmaster asking her to see him in his office before picking Debbie up that day. With some trepidation she entered his office and asked what was wrong.

Well Mrs Craven, Debbie has been doing handstands in the playground, he explained.

Somewhat puzzled she replied, “so, most children do handstands”.

‘Yes’ he said but most children keep their knickers on.

Pause

Linda always has said that had she had been the First born she would have been an only child.

So we progressed into the teenage years. Hoping that with maturity and the onset of modesty she might change – and yes! thankfully she did – at the tender age of twenty-four – when she met Andy on the Internet, incidentally, she thought she was ordering a new outfit when in fact it was a husband. He thought he was ordering some new computer hardware and was blessed with a wife.

Pause

It is at this point I must offer my sincere thanks to Microsoft.

Those of you who know Andy will also know of his strength of character and sense of humour, which come to the forefront, especially when caring for Debbie.

No one appreciates this more then Linda and I – and I can truly say that today it is a pleasure to formally welcome you Andy into our family, not just as a son-in law but also as a friend and ally.

Those of you who know Andy and I will also know we are both fashion guru's.

This has prompted me to give you a little additional wedding present today ‘Andy’.

Produce and present

I know you will want to keep up appearances whilst on honeymoon and I hope this will help, wear it with pride.

Whilst he is opening it I would like to share a secret with you.

When we were preparing the favour boxes that you have before you today, Andy made a special request – that we leave the tissue paper out of his in order to fit more eggs in.

Pause

I have gone one better and made him this very special favour box, which should see him through his honeymoon.

I would now like to offer you both a few words of wisdom: –

First you Debbie –

If you want something ask for it. Remember, Andy is a man and hints do not work.

From now on Debbie you will make all the minor decisions whilst Andy makes all the major ones.

Bearing that in mind Andy

You will find out that in the future all the decisions turn out to be minor ones.

But Andy, marriage will bring you many things – loyalty, self-restraint, obedience and a whole host of other virtues that you wouldn't have needed if you had remained single.

Seriously, in conclusion I would like to offer you both these few words of advise, that I also gave when I last made a speech as the Father of the Bride, but I have yet to find any that fit this occasion better: –

Pause

There is no challenge in a marriage that cannot be overcome by these three, three word sentences: –

I was wrong
You were right
And, I love you

Debbie, I cannot possibly finish this speech without saying how much we all love you and how beautiful you look today.

Mum and I are very proud of both of you, and know you are made for each other.

Pause

Family and friends, I ask you all to be upstanding and drink a toast to the bride and groom, the new Mr & Mrs T-low, Debbie and Andy.

Ladies and Gentlemen – Debbie and Andy

Pause

It is now my great pleasure to introduce the next speaker – the groom – Andy the floor is yours.