Speech by Tim Barber

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Tim Barber
Speech Date: oct 2003

Standing ovation already, have not even started yet
Not been this nervous since Andy and I had to report to Putney police station some years ago.
All the naval history and paraphernalia of this fabulous venue makes me apprehensive too, coming as I do after a load of old seamen
Judging by what I found in the hotel toilet this morning, I think someone else was nervous too [show brick]
A few attempts to influence the length and content of this speech : such as having everyone standing, having it before dinner, even inviting my mum and dad, threatening me with the Brig – all attempts to tone down what I will cover in the next few minutes
They do say a best mans speech should last as long as in takes the Groom to perform his manly duties on the wedding night – so you will all be sorry there are no chairs in here

On Suzie's behalf I'd like to thank Andy for his kind words, and indeed echo his thanks to her myself – she did an excellent job as bridesmaid today.
Thanks to Caz for letting Andy ask me to be his best Man – whether that was wise or not…
Andy and I have had excellent times together, which I am sure will continue, and an honour and a privilege to take this role
Thanks to both sets of parents – the Webb's and especially the Tall's who I know are bursting with pride today. Thanks for such an excellent spread, beautiful venues and generous hospitality, and of course on behalf of the groom I must thank them for having such a beautiful daughter
It was only 29 short years ago that David and Roz were sending Caroline to bed with a dummy, and if you think about it they are doing so again later tonight
Thanks go out from all of us in the wedding party, to those of you that have travelled a long way to be with us today – its amazing how far people will come for a free meal in posh surroundings

Andy and Caz's leaving arrangements – not leaving early for the honeymoon, they will be partying here until after midnight, so if it is getting late, and your dance floor John Travolta is getting more like Mr. Bean then you are welcome to be a liteweight and leave.
Bus back to the hotel leaves at 1am. If you wish to leave before there is a taxi number available – just ask me or one of the stewards. The stewards will be in Uniform, I will be in the bar…
Cars left in the car park here at Drake must be collected between 10 and 12 noon tomorrow,
Lastly there is open house for all in Yelverton at the Talls’ place at Meavy Villas from Noon tomorrow

Time for the slander and character assassination of Andy. I've been getting cheap laughs at his expense since school, so why stop now…
PHOTO BOARD I have got my hands on some of the best – or depending on your point of view, most embarrassing – pictures of Andy over the years. You'll see that Andy hasn't always been the moon faced Adonis that we see in front of us today, he has evolved steadily into the handsome man we know.
Andy born on 23 May – Jewel, Joan Collins & Bob Dylan. The link between Andy and these three jumped out at me immediately.
Andy has obviously found his own Jewel – and he fell in love with, and married her today. In good time I am sure they will have a Dynasty of their own , and I know that their love will endure until, in the words of the Dylan song, they are both Knocking on Heavens door.
I first got to know Andy watching cricket and listening to music on the school field when we were about 14 – more than half our lifetime ago, I was so impressed with his record collection, that I ended up with copies of most of it.
I have known Andy so long, and he has led an active social life, that when I I jotted down things for the speech, I got to over 100, I then crossed off the ones that wouldn't suit this audience and got it down to single figures. I hope I have left enough in to give you a taster of his values, sense of humour and playful nature..…

So I'd like to start with some reflection on Andy's more responsible side, as I obviously wouldn't anyone to leave today with the idea that he was some sort of bon-vivant, raconteur and thrill seeker who spent his young adult life doing anything for a laugh.
There is a great depth and breadth to Andys good character, his wisdom, seriousness and knowledge of when to be more reflective and introspective in the quieter moments is the mark of a fine man.
After Uni Andy spent some time in the Middle East, criss crossing the Holy Land getting and visiting the places represented in his faith. He went to Petra, and as far as I know this is the only time Andy has been in and out of Jordan. In Israel he worked on a Kibbutz in a metals factory, foolishly overnighted on top of a freezing Mount Sinai, and spent time thawing out in the sun in Eygpt.
Some cultural achievements and positions of responsibility that show – patrol leader, choir and music, wind band where Andy told me he was well known for his excellent oral technique -’embroucher’ lip pursing to play the flute, sutton youth orchestra, senior prefect (one of only 4) Despite that he still managed to get 4 A's at A level. At Uni elected as bar & entertainments rep for Langwith college, and in the second year JCR treasurer. He also has a masters degree in church history. He now leads a team of a dozen people, working for an independent publisher who has a Booker prize nominee this year.
This pales into insignificance next to Andy's next great position of responsibility, that of is being an excellent husband to the smart and radiant young bride on my left. A role to which he is very well suited, and I know he will in which he will excel.

Musical bent – photo board young andy making a loud noise at the piano, something he would reprise in a different way 13 years later.
Many years ago we enjoyed some excellent Karaoke parties at the Civic offices in Sutton, although on these occasions Andy's choral skills were let down by the group of tuneless buffoons that accompanied him
Today however, Andy's musical talent is best expressed in the harmony he has found with Caroline.

As we got older through our teens – I was going to say matured but that would be a lie – nature took its course and we both became very interested in girls…
always jealous of Andy's ability to get the best looking girls at school, he was an early developer. Andy had discovered bike sheds before I knew what bikes were. I remember him attending the lower school discos, resplendent in his velour OK jumper.
Considered bad form to mention old girlfriends, so this is a topic I will embrace only very briefly…(much as Andy did with some of the girls in question)
fat bird stage
Mad American stage
even went out with a deaf girl – she wouldn't hear a bad word said against him
some sort of record – a girlfriend with a 22 character surname
Rest of the old girlfriends and conquests – foot and mouth did for a few, one is still on the medication, , and a couple of others run wild on dartmoor.…
However as we grew older I certainly grew to admire your taste in women… something that is vindicated here, with the stunning bride we see in the gorgeous dress here today.

Sport was another key element we shared in our formative years.
As I have already said we first got to know each other watching cricket, and Andy used his speed to great effect in our games of house rugby and Social football
At Uni the Roses sporting weekends between York and Lancaster Universities. We were heavily involved in these in a more social capacity, both home and away
Late developing love of football, we took in a glorious Plymouth Argyle away victory on his UK stag day. Fortunately Mr Joooliaaan, the long suffering Brentford goalkeeper, could not be here with us tonight.
This summer Andy played Touch rugby, and completed a 10km run, on a 35 Degree day, as part of a pre-wedding fitness drive.
His decision this summer to combine the run with two stag events – one of which lasted 5 days in Spain – and of course the wedding itself, clearly marks him out in my book as an endurance athlete
To end the sporting theme though I think we'd all agree that Andy has played a blinder in marrying Caroline

My next theme is Australia – a place I know well, the destination for the honeymoon, and importantly the place where started to get to know Caroline
I have fond and diverse memories of an excellent holiday in Australia with Andy a few years ago now…
Developed a passion for Aboriginal Art
We watching Ashes cricket dressed in togas as part of the barmy army, losing of course but not really caring,
And I also remember Andy feeding the possums after dark in the Brisbane Botanical Gardens.
PHOTO BOARD – debonair men about town, hired a British racing green convertible to cruise around the Gold Coast and impress the locals – spent about 10 minutes with the roof down all week as it rained so much it was like driving in a goldfish bowl.
Australia is often known as the lucky country, and it has proved very lucky indeed for Andy, as his lovely wife was born there.

Against the mantra of the stag week – What Goes On Tour Stays On Tour
Stag was a month ago, and I have literally needed every single day of that time to recover
We managed to LIVE WITHOUT SLEEP for 5 days in Spain, and yet still 13 of us returned in one piece back to wives, children and girlfriends in one piece – despite the London power cut as we landed
I mention the stag for three reasons :
1 – PHOTO BOARD. Tomatina festival – 40,000 people at the worlds biggest food fight, this was the main focus of the stag.
2 – we can see Andy's in his size 24 pink beachwear. Chosen by my mum
3 – Judge a man by the company he keeps, and it struck me that Andy had an outstanding and varied group of characters on our 2 stag events.

Andy for marriage you really need to be committed – and I have two doctors outside ready to sign the forms
Congratulations on reaching this great millstone, sorry milestone
Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly, indeed at 13 1/2 st Andy certainly is not doing that
Andy was very keen to get into his suit this morning, because as of tomorrow caz will be wearing the trousers
In all seriousness I came back from Australia and soon realised Andy was smitten – this was the real thing. It is true love he told me sincerely.
He told me he had found a magnificent girl with a great personality and sense of humour.
Caz is beautiful, intelligent, creative, caring and very patient – useful later tonight
Caz has volunteered for the Childline charity, so she is well prepared for dealing with Andy and his mates
Andy is a strong and dedicated man, who will make a loyal and loving husband and sometime in the future a caring and devoted father. He is blessed with an excellent sense of humour – you just have a look at some of the old haircuts on the photos. He is also a man of common sense and rare natural wit which I know will see you through any challenging times in the years ahead.
I know the couple are well suited, well matched and mutually supportive. They are clearly also very much in love. No other woman has made such an impression. You can see that today : Caz looks stunning, Andy just looks stunned
Andy confided to me this afternoon that he feels like he has won the lottery, Caz your numbers are obviously still to come up so I had a bit of a whip round and bought you a ticket for tonight's draw. And if Andy gets in anything like the state he did on the stag do, then you may well be glad of a couple of bonus balls later tonight

TELEGRAM – Russell and Joanne, in Dec 2001, and I'll claim the link as I introduced Russ and Andy some years before.
> "We are sorry that we cannot be with you today to help celebrate and we are sure that you will have a fantastic day. I remember sitting on a pavement in the small hours nearly ten years ago talking with Andy, wondering where we would be in a decade. We know that in another decade both Andy and Caroline will still be happy, and happily for Andy's sake Caroline is a far more beautiful partner for sitting on any pavement, at any time than I. We wish you happiness on this day and in the many years to come and look forward to seeing you in November for some more celebrating in the customary fashion!
>All our love and best wishes,
> Russell, Johann, Kieran and Callum
TELEGRAM – Andy – we could have been so good together – Jordan
TELEGRAM – Peppermint Hippo – Congratulations on your marriage big boy, we'll miss you

I know I have been standing between a hungry crowd and their dinner for too long.… I have three quick toasts, please let me get through them quickly and we only need to raise our glasses on the final one…
Toast to the real best man here today – Andy Webb
My third toast is to those people, who for whatever reason, cannot be here with us today – absent friends
Finally I thought long and hard about what to say for this final toast, but it is best summed up by William Shakespeare, so if I may I would like to quote him "May God, the best maker of all marriages, combine your hearts in one." Ladies and gentleman I give you Mr and Mrs Andrew and Caroline Webb