Speech by Tim Bostel

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Tim Bostel
Speech Date: oct 2003
BEST MAN SPEECH

On behalf of Debbie I would like to thank Mikey for his kind words, and may I also add that Debbie has done a fantastic job today and looks gorgeous. I'd also like to say that Jen looks absolutely stunning today, as I am sure you will all agree…….and Mikey you don't look so bad yourself.

Good afternoon ladies & gentleman, and for those of you who don't know me my name is Tim Bostel, and I would like to thank you all for coming today and helping to make Mikey & Jen's wedding day such a memorable & special occasion for all those involved. Personally I wish you had all stayed at home and made my job less nerve racking.

At this point I would like to give Jen the option of which speech I am to use. So Jen if you would like to choose from the following envelopes. I have:
UPSET THE FAMILY
X RATED
NOT AS MILD AS YOU WOULD HOPE

(Thank you!)

A wise man once told me that the Best Man's speech should last only as long as it takes for the Groom to make love………..thank you ladies & gentleman & good afternoon. (Sit)

When Mikey asked me to be Best Man I admit……I panicked. I thought of a 1000 ways to say “No, politely”…..and in my haste to pick out the best one, I just blurted out “Of course I'll do it mate – it'll be an honour”

But really – I am very honoured to be doing this job and in time honoured Best Man tradition, I will now do my best to give Mikey the most uncomfortable 5 minutes of his life.
– Which to be fair is only what he gives Jen every time they go to bed.

I have had the pleasure of knowing Mikey on and off from the grand old age of 1. Where it seems that our parents thought that it was immensely amusing to dress us in similar clothes – and it seems today is no different.
It was a strange affair growing up with Mikey, because at some point he seemed to be far taller than me, hard to believe, I know.

I didn't know Mikey during his school years, but I am reliably informed that he was not like the other 5 year olds when he started school – he was ELEVEN!

I was fortunate to be present when Mikey first met the love of his life – Stella. The things he did because of Stella.
Ah yes, who could forget those crazy, crazy nights with Mikey and Stella Artois.
In some way, these nights brought us closer together. I felt I had become a second mother to him.
Watching him trying to talk, gurgling, crawling on all fours, crying and wetting himself………..Ahhhhh. Proud moments indeed.
Then Mikey met Jen, and introduced her to everyone in Reigate, at which point she was informed that she now belonged to us.
But in all honesty, when I first met Jen I was amazed to see what a great match they were, and how well she keeps Mikey in line. And I am not surprised that we are all here today to celebrate the marriage of two wonderful people.

Mikey made me promise not to tell too many embarrassing stories about him, and to be honest we don't have the time, and since it is their wedding, I will do as he wishes.
Therefore I will not remind him of his antics upon public urinals in Salcombe performing “The Stance”, or the numerous occasions he has been shopping and come a cropper and has had to rush to the loo and return without his underwear.
The long list of how many cars he has destroyed. His athletic prowess (sorry wrong speech). His never ending quest to become “Brad Storm” his chosen name for him being an action hero….but more like the “Batty Von Chips and Pie” as some of us will remember him.

Not forgetting of course the antics of the Stag Do. As much as I would like to embellish the facts, it was a tame affair. The tea party was wonderful, there were no tantrums or anyone being left behind, everyone was well behaved – with or without a loaded shotgun, no we did not drink a whip of over £1200 on Saturday night alone & at no point were any women involved in removing their clothes – A Lot!

Nor will I mention the potentially delicate subject of previous Ex's. But fortunately Foot & Mouth got rid of most of them last year…so no worries there.
If anyone is interested in any further details I will be far more enthusiastic with details after a few drinks at the bar afterwards.

At this point, being a veteran of 6 years of wedded bliss, I would like to impart some wisdom to Mikey to aid him through the years:

Remember that MARRIAGE is not just one word…….it is a sentence……and you get less for MURDER!!!!!!!
You have exchanged your wedding rings today, but there are more than 2 rings to a marriage. There are also:
…………….the suffeRing
…………….the enduRing
…………….and the tortuRing

The ground rules are equally important.
Firstly, set the ground rules and establish who's the Boss….and then do everything Jen tells you to do.
Secondly, it is very important to get on with your Mother-in-Law. A friend of mine didn't speak to his for almost 2 years! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't for lack of trying or that he didn't like her. He just thought it was rude to interrupt!
Never go to bed angry……..always stay up and fight.
And finally always remember to tell her those 3 little words…………”You're right dear!”

So, Mikey & Jen you've finally got married, for better or for worse, which is quite appropriate as Mikey couldn't have done any better and Jen couldn't have done any worse.
Actually during the service, I couldn't help thinking that it's funny how history repeats itself. I mean, 24 years ago Jen's family were sending her to bed with a dummy…………and it's happening again today.

You'll be glad to hear that I am coming to the end of my speech, but before I finish I need to read out some cards & messages……… OH, and Mikey, thanks for finally admitting I am the Best Man.

(Read Messages & dodgy cards)

On behalf of the Bride & Groom, I would like to thank everyone here for sharing their special day, particularly those who have travelled long distances and I would like to personally thank Mikey & Jen for choosing me as Best Man today as it has been a great pleasure and honour.

It gives me immense pleasure (not to mention relief) to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to the new Mr & Mrs Fundell. To the Happiness, Health, Wealth and good fortune of the happy couple; To the Bride & Groom