Speech by Tim Del Strother

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Tim Del Strother
Speech Date: Jun 2001
Good Afternoon everyone and welcome to Robin and Sarah-Jane's wedding reception. My name is Tim and- as you will have already guessed- I am Robin's best man. I'm sure you'll agree that this has been a great wedding celebration, but every silver lining has a cloud, and I'm it!

It has been said that being a best man is like kissing the Queen Mother. It is a great honour but nobody wants to do it! Well I was delighted to take on the job. That is until Robin took me to one side just before the ceremony and whispered in my ear: "Don't worry. It all depends on you!"

It's my job to compliment the beautiful bride and say something profound about Robin. The first part is easy. Sarah Jane, you look stunning and Robin is a very lucky man.

I looked up the meanings of Sarah-Jane's name and discovered that Sarah means " princess" and Jane means "gracious" which seems particularly appropriate for this occasion. I also looked up Robin but found only that it relates to a small garden bird….make of that what you will!

I had hoped Sarah-Jane would be wearing white today, as then I would have an excuse to make a sexist joke-but who needs an excuse!
Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen!
I have a joke at male expense saved for later.

And that really leads me right on to the profound thought I'd like to talk about. Robin has done very well indeed. But how about Sarah Jane?

Look at him today and the words that immediately come to mind are "respectable", responsible, and "reliable". A true pillar of the community. But has this always been the case? And is he the sensitive, modern kind of guy that Sarah-Jane deserves?

I first met Robin in 1970. I had transferred from my secondary modern school to Haywards Heath Grammar School for the 6th form. Being from the wrong side of the tracks I was looking for any dodgy characters that I might become friends with. Robin seemed to fit the bill perfectly! He introduced me to the delights of bunking off P.E. lessons in favour a much more pleasurable pursuit. Smoking a crafty fag behind the pavilion while discussing the merits of the latest Bob Dylan album.

This was the time of hippies, long hair and sex and drugs and rock and roll. Well we did our best. I seem to remember that sex was in rather short supply! Especially in Robin's case!

It is hard to imagine now but Robin had a fine head of hair in those days and he did his best to upset the traditional values of the grammar school by, horror of horrors, growing it over his collar!

Robin was -believe it or not-considered to be a bit of a rebel and he and I trod a fine line doing just enough work to avoid getting into trouble and amazingly to scrape a few A-levels!

For want of anything better to do Robin went off to study at the University of Kent. Here he pursued a distinguished career pubbing, clubbing and partying while avoiding as many lectures as possible. His piece de la resistance was to boycott the end of year exams with the inevitable result that his brief flirtation with academia ended prematurely!

Robin then spent some time deciding which direction his life should take living off his parents, social security and the odd job here and there. Eventually he drifted into local authority housing and found his niche collecting rents from gangsters and drug dealers on the notorious ****** and ******* estates in ******. He took to this like a duck to water!

This brush with lawlessness had an effect in later years and Robin has had a good number of speeding tickets which is completely at odds with his apparent inability to arrive any where on time. Sarah-Jane must have threatened dire consequences to get him to the church on time this morning!

Robin went onto study part time for the Institute of Housing Managers qualification. After several years of burning the candle both ends he finally qualified and his career has since gone from strength to strength. Through his ability, determination, and sheer hard work he achieved the top job in ********Council Housing Department.

But perhaps his greatest achievement to date was managing the privatisation of the housing department and creating what is now known as ******** of which he is CEO.

Indeed it was through his job that he first met Sarah-Jane. Where she tells me she instantly fell for his rugged good looks, his charm, his generosity and his tolerant nature. Well they say love is blind!

Amongst the proudest moments of Robin's life was when his two children were born. Alice 14 years ago and Emily about 2 years later -a few months after my first-Becky. It seems only yesterday that they were all tiny babies and we were getting excited about their first steps and words. Now, as you can see, they are fast becoming beautiful young women! That's embarrassed them!

Robin has always been a devoted father and despite a difficult few years his daughters have always come first and I know you'll agree they are an absolute credit to him. Sarah-Jane of course also has 2 daughters -Alice – just a little confusing- and Olivia. I know that Robin will-indeed he does- cherish and care for them as his own.

Robin and I had and still have many things in common. Music is one and some of you will know that Robin is actually an accomplished guitarist and singer-or so he tells me!

In our late teens we had aspirations to become pop stars and spent many a painful but enjoyable hour practising the songs of the time before adjourning to one or more of the local pubs to dream about our glittering futures. A tape of these sessions still exists but it is so extremely dire I decided not to inflict it on you today. (But I am open to offers from potential blackmailers)The band eventually split up due to "musical differences!"

Robin and I continued playing guitar regularly together over the years-usually after a few beers-thoroughly enjoying ourselves regardless of our audience's inexplicable lack of enthusiasm.

Recently Robin has achieved super stardom by performing live at the ***** Sheep Festival with his friend Chris. The video is soon on general release.

Most of you will know that Robin does enjoy the odd beer and bottle of wine and over the years we have shared some horrendous hangovers.

One notable occasion when things got a little out of hand was his 40th birthday. Robin prepared a lavish no expense spared meal-including lobster-and an array of the finest wines which were sampled with a single-minded determination.

At the end of this feast, when we had all eaten and drunk with reckless abandon, Robin proceeded to hand round some enormous cigars purchased from a specialist in London. According to him they had been rolled on the thighs of Cuban virgins-just one of his many rather suspect fantasies. Anyway after about 3 puffs on this zeppelin of a cigar I had to rush to the bathroom- closely followed by Robin and I am sure you can guess the rest! Needless to say none of us were firing on all four cylinders the next day.

RLS famously said:
No woman should marry a teetotaller!
Well Sarah-Jane- you have got one thing right at least!

On a more serious note Robin and I have had some excellent times together and I know that we will continue to do so in the future. He has been a good friend to me over the years, and it has been a great honour to be his best man. Going back to my earlier question: Has Sarah-Jane got herself a good deal? Well the answer is an emphatic yes and I know that the pair of them are going to be blissfully happy together.

I would just like to offer Robin a useful piece of advice: A husband's last words should always be ‘OK buy it’.

And here is something for Sarah-Jane to consider:

A: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
B: A dog only takes a couple of months to train!

However we all know Sarah-Jane has already got Robin well trained!

On behalf of the bride and groom, I'd like to thank everyone here for sharing their day, and it now gives me great pleasure to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast to Robin and Sarah-Jane, Mr and Mrs *****. We wish them well for the future, and hope they enjoy a long and happy marriage.
Robin and Sarah-Jane.