Speech by Tim

Speech Creator: Tim
Speech Date: 12/04/2018 15:48:17

Glad to see he faced his fears today and didn't bottle it, like he did on his stag do sky jump.

Yes, he literally ran from us and turned his phone off.

Good afternoon everyone, if you don't know me, I'm Tim, the best man, and will attempt the speech I started a year ago and never finished.

You should also know that I don't call him Chris but Gibson, always have done. So when I say Gibson, I'm talking about that one (point to Chris) and not the one in the white dress. Although it wouldn't be the first time I've seen him in a dress.

I have to say all the bridesmaids do look wonderful and have done an excellent job in doing their part on this really special day.

Indeed the bridesmaids are only eclipsed by Sam herself, who, I'm sure you'll all agree, looks absolutely amazing.

I also have a few messages to read out from those who couldn't make it today:

Dear Sam, it was nice while it lasted, but I guess we'll have to call it a day now you're married. From Leonardo DiCaprio.

Dearest Chris,
Thanks for the weekends lazing by the pool, I do hope you've made the right choice. Much love Michael Barrymore.

There comes a moment in every man's life when he meets that special someone.

Someone who really understands him, will take him for who he really is, and will laugh at all his terrible jokes. Now that moment came for Chris many years ago..… because we met in school!

I was pleased Gibson finally admitted that I'm the best man. There's lots of stories I could tell everyone about the 20-odd years we've known each other, like the time on a lad's holiday in Falaraki …for everyone's amusement he wanted his bare bum smacked with a spatula … repeatedly.     

Or the time on the way home from Bar Ice he ate a kebab…he found in the street.          

Or the time he ran through Bexleyheath holding a 30ft flagpole….naked.

But I can't tell those stories because he either vetoed them or they involve me being equally an idiot. We've both made a lot of mistakes together.… but thankfully none of them are here today!         

When I was trying to get a theme of my speech I asked some people to describe Chris. Witty, passionate, charismatic, generous.… nobody used any of those words.

He was, however, described as vain, argumentative and insensitive… Personally I think that's a bit harsh…but mums know best.

I've also spoken to some of Chris's work colleagues who tell me that his nickname at work is ‘The God’. It's true: he's rarely seen, he makes his own rules and if he does any work it's usually a miracle.

They also describe him as a first-class banker – at least, that's what I think they said.

Now here I left some space to say something nice and sincere ….

[Pause]

I'll move on.

No, there have been lots of good times. From the simple weekly catch-up at Bluewater on Thursdays to awesome trips of riding all the way to Amsterdam and Lake Geneva on ridiculously old and tiny motorbikes, and seeing him win a grand on black on his first bet on the first day of being in Las Vegas, and all the nights out I've forgotten or can't remember. Some people come and go during your life but I'm glad to say we've been mates through it all and I sincerely hope it continues in the coming years and adventures as our kids get older together too.

Now, advice .… I was going to say something about Gibson being far more whingey than Sam could ever be and give her advice instead, but I think some of the old lines are probably the best.

Keep a happy wife for a happy life and never laugh at her choices, because you my friend…are one of them.

Well, I won't keep you any longer; I know Gibson is dying to buy you all a drink with his Vegas winnings.

It gives me great pleasure to ask you all to raise your glasses to toast the happy couple.