Speech by Tom Burstow

Speech Type: Best man
Speech Creator: Tom Burstow
Speech Date: oct 2002
Ladies and Gentlemen, Abi and Alexi, , it is a pleasure to be able to add my congratulations on this wonderful day.

Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I would like to thank Alexi for his kind words and to say what a joy it's been to be associated with such lovely ladies. I think they look wonderful surpassed only by Abi who I'm sure you'll agree looks absolutely stunning. I must say even Alexi scrubs up quite well after a decent wash…although I'm not too happy about him copying my outfit…!

Secondly, our thanks of course must go to the parents of the bride and groom for the wonderful hospitality we have received today. It's been a wonderful day that we shall all remember for years to come. Actually I know it has been an emotional time for the Harmers, who I'm sure have been reminiscing on their little girl growing up. It must seem like only yesterday that Abi was a baby running around with a big dummy and now here she is with Alexi….err well I guess some things don't change!

Finally, I'd like to read out a few messages that have come through for the happy couple;

Telegrams
Abi, for you first…Men are like fine wine, they start out like grapes and it is your job to jump on them in the dark until they mature into something that you would like to have a romantic meal with.

Alexi….women too are like fine wine…They start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary, eventually giving you a headache…

Now, I must be honest, in preparing for this wedding I did have to do some research into what the role of best man involved. Luckily the internet was on hand and these are the tasks I found the best man is charged with;
To organise and conduct stag night – this was held in Bournemouth a few weeks back, but as this is a family occasion, probably best not to go into detail. Best of luck in court next week Lec..
Make sure the groom is well rested and arrives at the church on time – there was no problem there and I am pleased to report Alexi slept like a baby last night…he woke up every half hour crying for his mummy
Ensure that any ex-girlfriends aren't around to embarrass him on the big day – luckily, once again this wasn't a problem as the majority of them were tragically struck down during the recent bout of foot and mouth disease
And finally to make this speech – needless to say it is a little nerve wracking. I can assure you this is not the first time I have got up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand today!

However, what has made the situation slightly better is that I know Alexi is also pretty nervous about the contents of this speech but I have promised him that I won't embarrass him too badly in front of his friends and family. So Alexi, don't worry, I won't be going into the time you shot a 7 year old with a rifle from point blank range, or the time … . . .. . . or of course your desire to dress up in women's clothes at every possible occasion. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me…

Bearing this in mind, what else can I tell you about the self proclaimed Greek God we have sat before us…? Well for those of you who don't know Alexi too well and for those of you who do but want a good laugh anyway, here's a bit of a background as to how Alexi has got to this momentous day..…

Alexis Philippidis was born on 24th May 1976 and weighed in at over 13lbs breaking many hospital records and a few sets of scales on the way. In fact, Alexis’ size is a great mystery to everyone, not least his 5ft 6inch father, whose initial words on seeing his new-born son were “What on bloody hell is that!?”

Now, I am aware that some people use these occasions to bring up embarrassing photos of the Groom just for a cheap laugh. I am one of those people, so here's a snap of Alexi aged…18 months looking pretty sexy I'm sure you'll agree!

However, according to his Mum, Alexi was actually a very good baby on the whole, although she did have difficulty in getting him to sleep sometimes. In fact one time she claims things were so bad she gave him enough brandy to knock a small rhino off it's feet but apparently this only seemed to make him start smiling and singing…I think the lads from the Stag Do know exactly where you're coming from Tricia!

Anyway, Alexi eventually made it to school, where he excelled in the sporting arena. He was a local star in the swimming pool, on the basketball court and beating people up..or karate as he liked to call it. However these sporting talents did not extend to all sports and indeed the football coach at Alexis secondary school was quoted as saying Alexi was “useless in every position”! Lets hope you have more luck Abi…

After secondary school, Alexi moved on to University at Guildford where among the beer filled nights with the water polo team he would get on the dance floor and leave the girls speechless. By that I mean they wouldn't speak to him but it was on one such occasion that he had the amazing good fortune to meet Abi. I remember how excited he was at going out with Abi…at last he had found someone who was both qualified and seemingly willing to look after him and nurse him through the persistent headaches and vomiting problems he had whilst at University. (Amazingly these problems seemed to stop once he left University)

As for Abi, she too thought him handsome from afar and soon became struck with him..… Sorry I've got that wrong. She said he was far from handsome but was soon stuck with him.

Anyway, after Uni and a brief spell in Weymouth, they headed to Southampton together whilst Alexi did his MBA. Now, after all the “hard work” of studying, Alexi has a job as a Marketing executive with Manor Bakeries, or as we like to think of it, he works with Mr Kipling. I know my family were very glad the day he got the job at Manor…we've never run short of French Fancies of Mini Battenburgs since!

On a serious note though folks, I truly am honoured to be here today and to witness the marriage of a couple that look and are so much in love. Alexi is the most easy-going, patient and caring guy you could ever wish to meet and in Abi he has found someone equally loving and supportive to share his life with.

Guys, we would like you both to know that you are starting your life together with our very best wishes, love, prayers and support. So if I can ask you all to charge your glasses as I give this final piece of advice to my good friend Alexi…

To keep your marriage brimming
In the ever loving cup
When you're wrong admit it
And when you're right, shut up!

Ladies and Gentleman the new Mr and Mrs Philippidis

Secondly, our thanks to the minister for such a lovely service. Actually he was a very easy-going chap which I know helped Alexis and Abi relax. In fact in the minutes before Abi arrived I asked him his thoughts on sex before marriage…he said he didn't mind as long as it didn't hold the service up.)